It's the simple husband here again. Joanne is out of town, sans laptop. She leaves the thing just sitting there on her desk. It calls to me...
Things just aren't right around here without her. It's not that we can't do the normal things that need to get done (like eating, sleeping, bathing and dressing). It's more that things just don't feel right. And of course I suppose they shouldn't. If things felt fine, I suppose it would make me a little nervous.
Don't get me wrong--in some ways it feels like a big adventure to parent in Joanne's absence. We get to do a few things that maybe we wouldn't normally do. This morning at 10:00 we went to see the movie Happy Feet (it was just average). And the girls got snacks that normally they wouldn't have gotten at that hour--Emma a popcorn and a Diet Coke and Audrey a Nerds Rope. Have you seen the Nerds Rope? It's licorice with Nerds stuck to it, like some sort of a candy barnacle. I can't think of anything less appropriate to eat at that hour of the day. I guess the popcporn wasn't too bad, and Diet Coke is mostly water anyways.
And as a treat, the girls slept in my bed last night...as did the cat and the dog. At 2:00 a.m. I woke up and the house felt unusaully cold so I went downstairs to check the theromstat. It said it was 59 degrees--it should have been 68. So I went down into the basement and discovered that the pilot light on the furnace had blown out. I re-lit it, the heat turned on, and I went back to bed.
But I couldn't sleep. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that Joanne wasn't there next to me. I kept thinking about her being far away in Phoenix (which Emma is convinced is in outer space and to me felt about that far away). I missed her. But there is more complexity to it that that. It would be like saying that red wine has a "red winey" taste. My feeling was more complex (and dare I say full-bodied?) than simply missing her. I wish I could describe it, but without the help of my therapist, I can't seem to capture it.
Maybe this is it: there is a writer that I like who says that when we fly on airplanes, our souls can't keep up with our bodies, and that when we land that's why we sometimes feel so weird, out of sorts and out of place (do you ever feel that way or is it just me?). I get that same sensation when Joanne is gone.
Of course the fact that I couldn't sleep might have had something to do with the fact that with everyone in my bed I had about two square feet to sleep in. Or it could be the fact that Emma had the electric blanket turned up to eight on her side of the bed and Audrey had hers turned to two. So I was half too hot and half too cold. Or it may be that our dog Daisy decided, since I was up anyhow, that she might as well go outside for a while--a decision she made just as I was getting drowsy.
Have you ever let the dog out in to a freezing cold night wearing nothing more than your shorts? Have you felt the cold, cruel blast of air (it was a literal five degrees out) that wooshes in through the sliding glass door as you crack it just wide enough for that lousy mutt to press through? Have you stood there, shaking, while the dog, seemingly impervious to the cold, takes her sweet time, sniffing here and there for just the exact right place to pee? And you're standing there literally willing the dog to pee! Have you cracked the door and hissed at the dog, "Get...in...here...NOW!" hoping that the neighbors aren't up to hear you let alone see your shorts-clad figure through the dark glass of the patio door? I have done these things...
My sleep, which might have extended long enough into the morning for me to feel somewhat rested when I rose, was interrupted way too early as Emma kept true to a promise she had made the night before--one which I was sure she would forget. "Dad, when I wake up in the morning, I am going to jump on you, OK?" Sure honey, knock yourself out. True to her word, at 6 a.m. she sprung to life, jumped up and down on the bed, causing the cat and dog to flee, before dropping a knee square into my right kidney. I lovingly corrected her ("GET OUT!") and sent her off to watch TV in my office. One thing I didn't know about Emma is that she is a human TV guide. "Dad! The Wiggles are on! Dad! Lazy Town comes on next! I LOVE LAZY TOWN!" She is yelling all this from the next room and when I don't respond appropriately, she runs back into our room just to make sure I heard her. "DAD!!!"
Anyhow, Joanne comes back tomorrow, thank God. We are eating dinner with her folks tonight, which will make me feel a lot better--I love them and being with them is very healing and life affirming for me. And Joanne's mom promised to make me some sort of meat, which she knows is my favorite food group. And when Joanne comes home things will feel right again.
hahaha!! Not that I don't like Joanne, but the substitute Joanne is super funny!
Posted by: Tess Lee | December 04, 2006 at 02:15 AM
you sound like how i feel when my husband travels. except for that whole pilot light thing. i wouldn't have known how to fix that.
Posted by: capello | December 04, 2006 at 03:42 PM