Feeling scattered

Funny how the verses you memorize tie in with real life, isn't it? As I was typing in Mary's Song earlier this morning, I got to the part that says "he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts" and thought, No kidding.

I'm feeling totally scattered. And realizing that it has to do with pride on some levels.

You see, I thought something was true--something good. But it turns out it's not true. In fact, it couldn't be further from the truth. (Sorry, I know this is a little vague, but stick with me.)

Anyway, I realize that I was proud of this thing. To the point of feeling superior to others because of it. Judging others in my heart because of it. Feeling oh so sorry for others who didn't have it together like I thought I did.

Turns out it was a big fat lie. And I feel like a fool.

I'd like to justify it all and say, "But I didn't know this thing wasn't true." I didn't. I really thought this thing was true. I was told it was true. And I told others it was true. But it wasn't.

But I guess that's not really the point. The point is that I let this thing become an area of pride. 

Pride's a funny thing. Sometimes it seems like a good thing--like taking pride in a job well done for the sake of doing it well. But this has clearly been a bad pride thing. An "I'm so great" pride thing rather than a "God's so great" pride thing. 

I've spent some time this morning confessing my pride and wrestling through this thing and asking for forgiveness for my pride and praying for wisdom.

Because this thing needs to be true in our life. And we will be working toward making it true. But once we get there, it's going to be one of those great things the Mighty One has done for us. Not something we've done ourselves.

This is what the LORD says:

"Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight," declares the LORD. (Jeremiah 9:23-24)

Let him who boasts boast in the Lord. (I Corinthians 1:31)

I'm still feeling overwhelmed and confused and scattered; I'd appreciate your prayers. Thanks for listening...

Comments

[Kim @ My Journey]

Thanks for such beautiful honesty in this post. Praying that you will clearly hear God's guidance right now.

[Nikki]

Still don't know you very well (we're hoping for January dinner!), but gosh, it's like you are talking about me in this email. I don't know what you're struggling with in particular, but pride like that is something I completely recognize -- quite often, frankly -- in my own heart. I'll be praying for you!

[Priti]

I read my thoughts in your words Joanne. There have been times when I have found myself judging people for something that I think I can handle or do better. It always turns out that I am the one who is at a loss. I am constantly asking God to give me the wisdom of not being so judgemental and not to form opinions on the basis of my judgement.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts today and always Joanne.

[Dedra Herod]

Love ya so much Siesta! Thanks for your honesty and example of humility, even if it hurts. Praying for healing and restoration and some GROWTH! :-)

[Susan]

Hm. Which one of us has NOT felt the sting of the pride bug? Oh, I've tried to justify it, similar to what you are saying. Just another lie that satan used to snare me and reel me in, hook, line and sinker.

Seriously, Joanne, God has been nailing me on EVERYTHING I say, do and think! It didn't dawn on me until JUST THIS VERY SECOND that of course He is!!!! For these reasons:

1) I am in the Word every day. EVERY DAY. Oh, if that doesn't keep you connected with Him, nothing will.

2) I am getting ready to teach our bible study group on Esther in January. At one point, I tried to back out of it (CLUCK, CLUCK) but He convicted me that He called me to lead this study for my home girls.

3) Every single one of my immediate family (R and all 3 kids) are in the midst of/are getting ready to have life changing events. College (Shawn), college (Sarah graduates in June from High school), Brett moved into middle school and turns 13 in a month and is going through all of THOSE changes that 12-13 year old boys do.

4) My marriage hit the 25 year mark this year and R and I have just been so out of synch.

The pride thing...oh, yeah, baby...hitting me big time. And when He confronts me about it and I say, "but..." He convicts me further.

All of that to say this: Been there, done that, survived it, continue to fight it and you will, also! Major huggles coming at ya and tons of prayer, too.

Love u.

[Dawn W]

Isn't it just like Satan to take a lie and cause it to grow into a stumbling block in our life - all the while we're unaware of it happening. Yes, been there done that. (Who hasn't?)

You're on the right track - acknowledgment is the first step. Praying for you as you deal with this. God is a God of peace and order - praying that it is restored to you quickly!!!

Blessings!

[Krista Smith Kliebenstein]

I am saying a prayer for you! I struggle with this very issue more often than I would like to admit.
Please take care of yourself and keep your faith.

[Amber]

I think it is so incredible how God uses the most routine stuff to speak to us. I've had my own pride issues going on these past few days, and even though you were being vague...I totally knew what you were saying...because I am saying the same thing. I had deep conversations with God last night about the very same thing....
So, I'm still feeling kind of out of it and really kind of blah today, still reeling from all the "stuff", and I log on to read through my blogreel...I clicked on yours and BAM. So, I'm left thanking God for being so good that He is a forgiving God and that He is gently guiding me back on track, but also thanking Him for the encouragement found in knowing that I'm not alone in my struggles...and all from a blog in Colorado....THANKS!

[Helen at A Work of Heart]

Hi Joanne,
It is nice to click on the comments and see that so many have already wrapped you in prayer and understanding.
I wrote a mega post yesterday about my week of reading in II Cor. and Romans...in II Corinthians, Paul uses the word commend a lot...I won't go into it here...you can go to my blog and read it better there...but one verse really struck me and stayed with me...

“But, “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord. “For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.” (10:17-18)

That's our aim to be one that the Lord commends...and that all our boasting would be in the Lord.

Today you realized something that was hard...deeply penetrating...the Spirit reveals the deep things of our hearts...the enemy wants to make us remain in shambles...don't stay there...begin again with newfound mercies and wisdom. You have already done the best and hardest parts...seeing it...admitting it...repenting of it...laying your life before others...now claim the fresh start and the healing...it's yours and in the depths you will realize new heights...that's how it is with God's economy...aren't we all glad for that?!

I am praying for you...and as you can see many of us are praying in the same way for ourselves.

You are loved,

Helen

[Heidi]

God has done and is CONTINUING to do a huge pride cancer surgery removal on me...uggh. It is a long, exhausting and painful process. You are not alone. He has been my great Healer...there is no other explanation to any progress. He has used radical means and radical people to reveal and remove that which crowds Him out and cuts Him off...and ohhhhh am I so thankful for His radical pursuit of me in the midst of my pride that I so foolishly cling to furiously! He is sufficient and praise His name for grace. That grace takes me down to a puddle of tears at every church hymn these days. I love Him, love Him, LOVE HIM!!!! Stick with this path...it will bring you to still waters of refreshment while His rod and staff guide you. Hang in there....am wrestling with you and loving you through much prayer, sweet thang!

[Laverne Phipps]

I'll be praying for you, Joanne. Hope you'll send a prayer in my direction also because pride is one of the biggest problem we all face. Hope we'll meet in heaven some day.

[Lisa R-P]

Joanne,
I can completely relate -- who cannot -- with the sting of pride. I will say to you that I said something that I really regret when I was with some co-workers last week. Nothing I say now can take that back and change it. Going to work today was tough, wondering what others were thinking, wondering if they were judging me as harshly as I was judging myself. I ate a really big helping of humble pie and it was all because I had opened my mouth and a great big gob of prideful jabber fell out. Oh pride is a hard thing to change and the thing that I most wish I could change about myself. If I only I didn't let myself believe the untruths or let myself judge others -- some days I really need to take out the Windex and clean my glass house before I cast the stones. I am praying for you friend.

[ocean mommy]

I could have written this very post recently. Yes I will be praying for you! God is still working out this thing with me too...oh it hurts and is hard to face, but my goodness! I want Him! I want Him to ooze out of every pore of my being and if this is what it takes...

Praying for you!
steph.

[Jules from The Roost]

Been there myself! Praying for you.

[Kristy]

How beautifully honest that was. Each one of us can say that we have pride in our hearts over an issue or two. Like you, sometimes we don't even realize it, until it comes into light.

[Michele K]

Thanks so much for this post. It spoke directly to me. I have been struggling for a long time with this. For years my husband and I were debt free, had a home, made a nice salary with money left to spend. It was a huge source of pride for me and I judged others. Not on purpose and didn't realize I did it until it changed. We had a baby and we decided it was more important for me to be home. I don't regret a minute of it. She is now just 4 and I am working part time, but we are working on paying off our debt that was acculmulated during this time. This has been such a difficult time because I have had to change the image I had of myself and our family. Not sure if it makes sense, but I want to thank you because this post meant the world to me and helped me put things into perspective.

[Meredith]

Joanne...I am so sorry you're hurting and confused. I appreciate your honesty very much. Pride? Ugh...it's so ugly in my own life, but thankfully God is gentle with us, more gentle than we are with our own selves. I'll pray with and for you.

[Mary @ Simple Things]

I'm a day late, but I wanted to add my prayers and encouragement to all those that commented here yesterday. You are always so honest and transparent here and it makes me feel as if I know you.

It IS amazing how God will put just the right scripture, sermon or song right in front of you at just the right time. But then He's God so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

[Janna Widdifield]

I am praying for you, friend. Can't wait to see you on Friday.

[Gretchen]

Hello...my name is Gretchen, and I am a prideful sinner, saved by grace.

It's insidious, isn't it. Praying for you and for me. Blessings!

[Marla Taviano]

I missed this post. :( Prayed for you just now, friend!! Loves and hugs!!

[janine]

I missed this post. I've been off line for DAYs and Days - I am sorry I am so behind but please know I am praying for you. I sent these verses to a friend earlier and I'll send them to you too:

Psalm 56:8 (New Living Translation) "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. "

Luke 6: 21b (The Message) "You're blessed when the tears flow freely. Joy comes with the morning."

Psalm 126:5 (NIV) "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy."

God is good. Life is hard. I'll be praying for you.

Janine

[janine]

I missed this post. I've been off line for DAYs and Days - I am sorry I am so behind but please know I am praying for you. I sent these verses to a friend earlier and I'll send them to you too:

Psalm 56:8 (New Living Translation) "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. "

Luke 6: 21b (The Message) "You're blessed when the tears flow freely. Joy comes with the morning."

Psalm 126:5 (NIV) "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy."

God is good. Life is hard. I'll be praying for you.

Janine