A great question

Cathy left a comment the other day after I put up those quotes on prayer, and I think she has a good question:

Hi! But what happens when you do pray, and pray HARD, only to find that the answer is not what you wanted. How do you get over that? That is the place I'm in now, and it sucks.

I can relate. There are things I've prayed for--HARD--lately that God has not answered the way I wanted. I've prayed for healing and people have died anyway. 

And there are things I have prayed about--for YEARS--that God doesn't seem to be answering at all. 

I have to stop and remind myself that "no" is still and answer to prayer. And so is "not yet." And so is "yes" but in a different way than I hoped.

As I have prayed for healing and people have died, I've had to recognize that God HAS healed them. He has made them more whole than they've ever been, given them life that is truly life--because he's brought them to heaven. He has removed pain and brought them to a place far better than I can imagine. More on that here.

As I have prayed for things that God doesn't seem to be answering, I have to remind myself that I don't see the whole picture. God may be working in ways I cannot see yet. In those "not yet" kind of things, I want to be diligent in prayer, to keep on asking, to be persistent, to keep on continuing in prayer like that quote said.

(As an aside, one thing I'm facing in seminary is that I really love to have all the answers. But I'm being challenged to accept the mystery. That there are things I don't know, things I can't know. That it's okay to say, "I don't know." All that to say, I'm trying to answer your question, Cathy, to share what has helped me, but I don't want you to feel like I'm coming up with a pat answer that doesn't really offer any hope or comfort. Does that make sense?)

But disappointment and sorrow and that place that sucks? When the answer is clearly "no" and I don't understand why? That's hard.

All I can say is to take all that sorrow and hurt and disappointment right back to God. Tell him about it, pour out your heart to him. Trust in his character, in his goodness and mercy. Believe that his plans for you are for good and not harm--even when the circumstances seem to doubt that.

The question of WHY God chose to answer in a way you didn't hope for or pray for? I just don't know.

Here's a link for a great book that deals with this question. Jerry Sittser was one of my professors at Whitworth College and has an incredible story to share. It's been a while since I read it, but I remember that it was helpful.

So, all the rest of you out there: What do you think about Cathy's question? What's helped you? How would you respond?

Comments

[Dawn W]

I'd say your comments were spot on - very similar to how I'd have answered her. Especially the part about taking the disappointment and sorrow (about the "no" answers) back to God. It's taken me a long time to understand that it's okay to be in that state - to tell God that I'm angry or disappointed. I've also learned, though, that it's not healthy (physically, emotionally AND spiritually) to stay "stuck" in that stage.

Blessings today!

[Stephanie]

I prayed several years for God to move us from our little town. I was not happy hear. My husband got a job as a partner in a firm and so I knew we were here for good. A year later my dh's mom died leaving us to care for 2 80ish year old grandmothers and his stepdad. I now can look back on things and see why God didn't answer my prayer the way I wanted him to. It has been a blessing to be in this little town and I have learned a lot from caring for his family.

[Robynn's Ravings]

Wonderful counsel, and wise.

I once threw a huge temper fit when I was younger because I didn't get a job I had prayed "hard" for. So, God reversed his decision and gave it to me. HORRIBLE experience and I never forgot the lesson. He really DOES know what he's doing. :)

[Wendy]

I agree with everything you said Joanne. I would add the suggestion of keeping a journal of prayer requests and then how God over time has answered them. By having the ability to see how God has answered prays over time, gives me the patience to wait on those prayers that are not being answered (at least to my mortal eyes) today.

[Hope@Pinkadoodledoo]

When I was 16 weeks pregnant with my first child, we were given a diagnosis that the baby probably had a fatal defect, but they couldn't tell us for certain. I prayed without ceasing for the next 5 months for healing and a healthy baby.

I spoke boldly to everyone that God answers prayer and He would answer our prayers. I was DEVASTATED when she died a few short hours after birth. It honestly did not occur to me that He would not answer the prayer the way that we had been praying! I spent the next 3 years angry at God for not giving me what I wanted. I thought that Him performing a miracle would reach so many family members and I didn't understand why He allowed her to die.

I knew the only way to work through it was to work through it WITH GOD. So, I poured myself into scripture. One of the studies I did was Beth Moore's The Patriarchs. It was a study of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. God spoke to me through this verse..."All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth."-Hebrews 11:13

Beth talked about how Abraham never personally saw his descendants as numerous as the stars. He finished his life on earth without ever seeing the promises of God fulfilled, but his descendants DID see those promises fulfilled. Just because I don't see God's promises fulfilled in my lifetime or prayers answered in my lifetime, does not mean that God doesn't answer them!

I came to a point where I realized that I did not NEED to know why anymore, I just knew that I NEEDED God. Once my heart changed to needing God more than needing Him to answer my prayers, I could see that His answer was EXACTLY what I NEEDED! It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced, but by far, the most beneficial thing that has ever happened in my life!

Now, I pray for God's will in everything and my prayers are ALWAYS answered because it is not dependent on what I want, but on what God wants. It is a VERY difficult journey of surrender, but what a blessing to be on the other end.

That's not to say that I don't still get frustrated and wonder why God does things the way that He does. It just means that He is Sovereign and I'm glad that He is! The world is much better off in His hands than in mine! :)

I'm not really sure if that answered the question as much as just giving another example? Nonetheless, I hope that it helps.

[Rachel]

His plan for us is not always our plan for us. Ever since becoming a parent, I have really related so much more to our Heavenly Father. Sometimes my answer is no to my son for reasons that he cannot understand at 2 years old. I feel the same way about our loving, kind Heavenly Father.

[Joy Gross]

WOW.. thank you for the wonderful incite from all of you.. I know this is true with all my heart.. but it is so hard to keep on track when you are in the middle of the pain.. I lost my mom 7 months ago and it feels like yesterday and I get upset with myself if I cry unexpectedly..

I truly have been trying to show everyone that I do believe in GOD but they must look at me like I don't really because I am in such despair. It is just that I miss her physical presence so much.

[Leslie]

Sometimes I've been told that I'm wise beyond my years... I like to think that it's God teaching me lessons. In my life I'm struggled with my relationship with my father. Two years ago I lost my great grandmother. I got to see her before she passed away, but the loss tore me apart. In the last two years the relationship with my dad has grown by miles!! I don't regret the journey, but thank God for the opportunities.

I think what you said was right on. God ALWAYS answers prayer, it's just not always the answer we want.

[CathyC]

Thank you Joanne for taking the time to answer my question. I truly appreciate it and did not expect it to become it's own post, but I am so glad that it did. Because not only did you give me sound advice that I can clearly see came straight from your heart, but I also received sound advice from 8 other (obviously wonderful and much more wise than I am) women whom I have never heard of or met. Ladies, I thank all of you. I know that I cannot possibly see the whole picture that God is looking at, and accepting that is hard. Joanne, I do take all the sorrow right back to God, but what I realize is that I haven't totally trusted that He knows what is best and that He has no intention of hurting me. Instead I kept thinking that I have the right answers. How stupid of me. Thank you for opening up my eyes. Good stuff. I can see why you are studying theology. And I can see why He led you to a public blog :) Thank you, thank you. Peace.

[Heidi]

Joanne...you have certainly done a great job nailing this issue on the head! I've also been struck afresh by how much Jesus was N-O-T the answer the Jewish leaders were wanting/hoping/praying for as their reigning, conquering messiah. And yet, he was the PERFECT answer...not just for them, but for the world. I've taken that more 'pulled back' perspective of late...letting go of 'expectations' or answers I believe are correct to occur...taking my eyes off the pain or anguish of the moment in my own little world and letting God be God in his eternal realm...trusting that if Jesus was the perfection of God's answer for us (which he absolutely was!!!!), then the answers for my prayers, no matter how they are answered, are for not only my eternal best, but also for all around me--far reaching beyond my present moment....TO HIS GLORY! Amen! Letting go of me and my little perspective is tough...so Cathy...you are not alone! :)