Monday.

Oh my.

We've had the last two weeks off from school--Thanksgiving and then Emma in NYC (remind me to post some of her pictures--she's her Aunt Kristen's niece and took a ton). So this morning, we're getting back in the swing of it.

Along with laundry. And menu planning. And grocery shopping. And how all that's going to get done well and with a happy attitude, I just don't know.

One day at a time. One thing at a time. Help, Lord, help!

I'm struggling.

With all that feels like it needs to be done. With feeling behind in our schooling. With my attitude. With feeling unprepared for Christmas. With feeling like a friend has tossed me aside. With missing my home. With uncertainty. With PMS. With missing seminary. With not being crafty. With feeling lonely. With feeling whatever it is I'm feeling about the weekend of counseling with Toben starting on Friday. 

With wanting to wallow in it.

And with wanting to tell myself to buck up and get over it and just be happy already. Cheesh!

The head and heart thing gets me every time. What I KNOW versus what I FEEL. Anyone else?

And the thing is, I feel like I know all the right things to tell myself. I know what I'd say to someone else struggling with this. I know what I have said to others struggling with this. And I've said those things to myself over and over again. 

And yet it's just plain HARD.

But I wallowed yesterday and it didn't really get me anywhere. Nothing changed and, in all honesty, it wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. In fact, it was pretty miserable. Not to mention that it had an effect on my whole family.

So what comes suddenly to mind is this (which makes me think it's a totally God thing):

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him." I can choose to trust God anyway and praise him anyway and let him worry about changing my heart. 

Yet. A little word. (And one that sounds funny if you say it too many times in a row.) But one that sums it up well. It wouldn't be the same if it just said "for I will praise him." That makes it sound easy and nonchalant. A given, a natural.

That "yet" is encouraging to me because it acknowledges the struggle in it, the tension, the overcoming and determination required.

At some point, it comes down to rugged obedience. Doing what I know is right whether I feel like it or not. One step at a time. And letting God work out the rest.

Off to go tie up my running shoes, turn the music up loud, and praise anyway. One step at a time.

 

This week the girls and I are going to start working on Psalm 19 again. Reviewing the first eight verses (since we haven't done that for the past two weeks!) and adding three or four more.

What about you?

Comments

[Melinda]

Rugged obedience. Wow. How hard. How applicable to my life right now.

And I SO get the part where you know what you would say to someone else in this situation and then wonder, if when you say it to them, it sounds as hollow as it does when you say it to yourself.

Hard times. Big God. So worth the rugged.

Lifting us both up,
Melinda

[Karen]

Joanne,
I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time right now. I just said a prayer for you. It's interesting you mention about praise. The Lord recently spoke to me about the power of praise. I even posted about it if you'd like to read it:

http://truthngraceministries.blogspot.com/2009/11/reflections-on-gods-word.html

And here's a post I did where I listed some praise Scriptures:

http://truthngraceministries.blogspot.com/2009/11/reflections-on-gods-word_10.html

You are so right that sometimes it's just easier said than done. But what a difference giving praise can make when we open our mouths and speak praises to God. I'm working on trying to give praise quicker when I feel down, sad, etc. Anyway, my post is up for Memory Monday at:

http://truthngraceministries.blogspot.com/2009/12/memory-monday.html

Take care,
Karen

[Kimberly]

I am praying.

Kimberly

[Farm Fresh Jessica]

((HUGS)) I'm familiar with those feelings--but you're turning to the right place and doing the right things.

[Aurora @ Under Transformation]

Hey Joanne -- If you look left and right, you'll see you are not alone. So many are where you are. I'm sitting two tables away from you in this coffee shop called "Blah". See me waving to you? :)

Life is very full right now, full of need-to-dos, must-dos, should-dos and and want-to-dos. It's all a bit much. My challenge right now is like yours -- to remember that while all of this is real, what I'm going through is real, how I feel is real, God is TRUE. His TRUTH, the truth of who He is, of who Jesus is, the promised help of the Holy Spirit and His gift of peace which is always available to me are truths that cannot be changed. Not by my circumstances, my feelings, my anything. His truth is bigger than my real. Over the last few weeks I've had to remember that, sometimes every few minutes! Over the coming days, I'm committed to taking my thoughts captive to this. It is indeed rugged obedience.

Praying for you, Joanne, and the others here whose hearts are struggling...

Blessings and tight hugs,
Aurora

[Wife of Rob]

I'm praying for you sweet sister. The first word that pops into my mind after reading your post is "sovereignty". Not sure why, but the Lord knows every nook and cranny of your feelings. Know that you are loved and that you are being lifted.

{{Big HUGE MONSTEROUS Hugs}}
Jen
Zephaniah 3:17

http://pairofbartletts.typepad.com/a-pair-of-bartletts/2009/12/reading-alongadvent-scripture-for-today-matthew-29.html

[anna]

Listen to Desert Song... :)

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

[Melissa @ Breath of Life]

You are SO not alone! It seems everywhere I turn lately, there's another obstacle waiting to be hurdled or another wall closing in. My attitude hasn't been great, either. I'm ready for things to change already!

However, maybe it's ME that needs to change instead of my circumstances. Rugged obedience? Love that!

Praying for you right this minute, my sweet friend.

[Marla Taviano]

I am sooooo with you, friend. I'm coming back to this post later to ruminate on your words some more. Love you!

[Lisa notes...]

Your words speak for so many of us, me included. I thought I had come to a place of contentment a few months back, but now I've drifted back into discontent and placing too much trust in circumstances instead of God.

Part of it is just emotions, but part of it is lack of faith. Lord, give us all more faith. We so long to please you with our actions AND attitudes. For YOUR name's sake.

"His Name's sake" was what my memory verse was about last week, so I'm trying to find ways to USE what I'm learning.

http://lisanotes.blogspot.com/2009/12/for-whose-sake-psalm-79memory-monday.html

Blessings to you, my friend. We'll all keep praising him together, whether we're light- or heavy-hearted at any given moment. One day at a time...

[Blessed]

You are right where I have been for two weeks! : ) But please let all these positive, encouraging comments be like a warm hug. You are loved and understood. Your feelings are valid, your desire for God's peace will be met, since He is the God who hears.

I was caught by your line about feeling left behind by a friend. I am so sorry. I know how that feels too. Does it help even just a little that there are people like me who will care about you forever, even if we don't talk much and are not regularly in each other's lives? You are a "gold" friend, Joanne, (as in "make new friends but keep the old") and I am so glad I can read your blog and follow what is going on in your life (even if I almost never post any comments, since I am always reading while nursing a baby! no hands to type!).

love,

lisa

[Gretchen]

I had to choose to praise and just list thinks I was grateful to God for last night just to lift me out of the pit I was wallowing in. Also, something I heard today on the cd I bought, thanks to you, The Night of the Child - I was listening in the car and the reader said that we have been given "grace, upon grace, upon grace" from God. I had to back it up and listen to that part again. I so need God's grace again and again. I'm praying that God give you grace, upon grace, upon grace, upon grace today and the rest of the week. May He give you strength and joy also.

[Kristy]

I do also know how you are feeling.

I have been in a funk, been betrayed by someone I thought was my friend, and have been dragging my feet about doing the very things I know I need to do to change.. And I don't know why? Why don't I do what I know would change me and my circumstances? Sin... Plain old ugly sin. (That's for me anyway!)

[Kim Feth]

Why is it that after I tell my son, "The opposite of whining is worshipping", then I go and wallow in it for a day or two? Hmm ... who does he see struggle? There with you. And lifting you in prayer.
Luke 2:38 NIV "I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said."
I read that tonight. I think I'm going to have it tatooed in reverse on my forehead so I can see it every time I look in the mirror. Maybe then I won't notice the gigantic ZIT that showed up today. On my birthday!
Thanks for the birthday wish.
Peace,
Kim Feth
Apex, NC

[Annie]

Hi Joanne,

I'm sorry you're feeling a bit miserable, we've all been there.

Hugs to you my friend, prayers too!

AnnieXX

[Joanne (The Simple Wife)]

Ya'll are so sweet. And how incredible to know I'm not the only one, that so many others are right there with me. Wish you weren't feeling it to, but glad to have your company just the same.

Can't tell you how much your comments meant to me today!

So hard when some things just aren't going to change anytime soon, so the hard choice is just to make the best of it.

Love you all so much,

Joanne

[dyan]

Thank you for sharing... There were so many statements that you made that I have made verbatim the last few weeks! But our Father is always with us - we are not alone in this.

Matthew 11:30
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Praying for you and praising God that you can be a touchstone for us all.
Grace and peace to you...

[Susan]

Thanks you!

[katie]

i haven't read your blog in forever and i'm so glad i stayed up 10 more minutes tonight to catch up a little... i'm sorry you're having a hard time, but just keep in mind that THE LORD IS USING IT. i've been feeling down and overwhelmed lately, and from the looks of the previous comments, so have alot of other gals. it is such an encouragement to not only read words from someone who is going through something similar, but even moreso to read those words followed by words like "trust", "praise", and "obedience". thanks so much for being so vulnerable and honest.