Just stopping by to say hi and thanks to all of you who so faithfully pray for me and this Bible study I'm writing and teaching. Last night was the first one, and I got up this morning and headed back to church to teach this morning too.
I'm somewhere between being totally exhilarated and and totally exhausted. (As evidenced by how long it took me to figure out how to spell "exhilarated." Sheesh. There IS an 'h' in there.)
After last night, the last thing I wanted to do was get up this morning and do it again. Here's why: I finished teaching and thought, What the heck was that?! I felt sad and discouraged and let down. I figured people only said nice things to be nice. I felt like I failed and let everyone down. It was awful. And a little ridiculous. Basically, I was a total mess.
Insecurity hit me square between the eyes. And knocked me flat. (There's a new book I might should pick up, ya think?!)
But this morning? Amazing.
And here's what I have to say about that to you.
Sometimes when you're doing something God has clearly called you to do, it doesn't feel like you expected it to. It doesn't always feel like flying. But that doesn't mean that God didn't show up. That doesn't mean that you're doing the wrong thing. That doesn't mean you have to question your calling.
I felt like God said to my heart as I lay awake (again not sleeping last night), Will you keep doing it anyway--no matter what it feels like? Will you trust me? Will you trust that I know what I'm doing, trust that I know what's best, trust that I will not let you fall? Will you listen to MY voice?
So when those times come (and you can bet they will), obey anyway. Do what God has called you to do despite how you're feeling about it. Because joy will come as you walk forward in obedience. And when it comes? Wow.
I said mostly the same things this morning as I did last night. Used the same notes. Taught the same stuff. Even wore the same outfit and yesterday's hair. But chose to believe that his mercies were new for this morning. Chose to listen to HIS voice, rather than the voice (well, voices, let's be real!) of insecurity.
We get to choose what we listen to. And how we choose makes a difference. Let's choose wisely.
But now, this is what the LORD says--
he who created you, O Joanne (or whatever your name happens to be),
he who formed you, O Joanne (yep, your name again!):
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name;
you are mine...
"...you are precious and honored in my sight...
I love you..."
from Isaiah 43
Oh girl...i'm so so proud of you!!! You just keep doing the thing and He'll do His great, big beautiful thing!!!!
Hugs and blessings~
Fran
Posted by: Fran | March 25, 2010 at 04:32 PM
Wow...this made me cry. I am getting ready to go to Belgium with a ministry team and I will be speaking...in front of people!...about depression. This is not something I like to do. But I DO like to obey the Lord. So...there you go. As I'm reading your post I'm realizing that I am already talking myself out of doing what God has called me to do...speak. I'm already telling myself I"m going to do poorly...and that I won't make any sense...and that...and that...and that...!! So I'm reading your post. And I'm saying to myself, "I know how she feels! I feel the same way! I'm not alone!" Then...I get to the end...and you quote my most favorite scripture...Isaiah 43. Thank you for this post...the timing was perfect. xo
Know that you are blessing those you are teaching...sometimes we're just planting seeds....and we won't know the fruit. But that's OK...as long as you are in line with God, He will make sure it all works out as it's supposed to. xoxox
Posted by: Michelle | March 25, 2010 at 04:40 PM
WOW, I stumbled across your blog- I love this, thank you!
Posted by: Erin | March 25, 2010 at 07:54 PM
I attended last night and I was truly blessed by your words and teaching. This is my very first time to ever attend one of the "Women's" Bible studies at Mission (after 4 yrs I am finally doing it) and I am really excited to walk through this one and hear and learn what the Lord has shown you to teach us. I think that it is awesome that the Lord has given you the gift to be able to write a study to help others grow closer to Him. How Cool! I love studying the Bible and discovering what God has to show me. I am anxious to find out what God has for me in Psalm 23. So, don't get discouraged. You are doing an awesome job!
Posted by: Amy | March 25, 2010 at 11:00 PM
You were wonderful on Thursday morning! The ladies in my group were excited! And a few of us moms were chatting about how great it was this morning at the park. Just the word we needed! Thanks for following God's direction.
Posted by: Kristy H | March 26, 2010 at 10:17 PM
Hmmmm...I'm not sure how I missed this post the first time around, but really it's more timely now. Thanks.
Posted by: Brynn in Co | April 06, 2010 at 03:52 PM