Anyway.
Ever feel like you don't understand yourself at all? Like you are on a rollercoaster of emotion--up and down and upside down and totally fed up with yourself? Yep, me too.
Here I am, just weeks after feeling so homesick it hurt, getting to go home to Denver, to family, to friends, to my little yellow house filled with treasures, excited and yet constantly on the brink of totally losing it. I'm feeling a little bit crazy. And truth be told, I don't understand myself at all.
I can sort of step outside of myself and look at how I'm feeling, how I'm behaving, and I just shake my head at the ridiculousness of me. I am totally wearing myself out.
(Remember how I said I wanted to handle this transition well, to be calm and peaceful? Not happening.)
So in the midst of completely baffling myself (and everyone around me, I suspect) and being totally paralyzed by the decision of what's best to pack first, I need this verse this week.
God understands me. And not just that, but he understands me well. And he knows what is best for me--in each and every moment.
As I feel pushed and pulled and spun in every direction, I need him. Yet even knowing that, I feel like I'm rushing around, doing everything but being still with him, coming up with all sorts of other things to do first or instead.
I need him to pick me up, hold me tightly until I calm down and get still, lift my chin to look into his eyes, and hear him say, "Shhh, everything's going to be okay."
To learn more about Memory Monday, click on the button in the sidebar.
Re: What to pack first.
I am also moving, this Saturday in fact. Over the weekend I had friends come over and help me pack which was a HUGE help because other people can just grab a box and pack my stuff without musing over the meaning or usefulness or sentimentality of whatever. Pick a room, a closet, grab a box and pack it up. Do the 15-minute tidy, but put everything in a box. Its amazing what you can do in an hour! *hugs* to you...
Posted by: chapmanchick | June 21, 2010 at 06:34 AM
Please be kind to yourself. How much pressure is there to sail thru in the face of adversity? Is it REALISTIC to handle this thing well? You are still likeable and lovable to Christ even when you fall apart. A change in what you thought things should be; you said it was a big 180 in the span of an afternoon. The unknown IS scary. I give you permission to feel and be all that you describe above. You are honest. Now, go pack a box, stuff you don't use daily first. I pray as I watch from the sidelines that going back to Denver will be a good thing for your family. Now back to lurkdom. Kindly,
Lisa
Posted by: Lisa Adams | June 21, 2010 at 07:02 AM
Love that verse - I will have to write that one down myself!
As women in particular, we usually like (need) to feel that we have everything in control, everything in order. We have it all laid out, and know just where everything is and how it should go. When something like a move and a job change happens, we can feel like our orderly world is spinning out of our control. It's normal to feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster. Just cling to Him when you don't know where to grab :)
Posted by: Kristy | June 21, 2010 at 07:31 AM
Needed this today! Thanks!
Posted by: sarah Miller | June 21, 2010 at 07:45 AM
First of all...here's a hug (((joanne))).
Second...grace dear one...you are right...He knows you well...so He will also love you well through this.
Third...in my humble opinion...this has been a warped speed change...even if it the most right thing ever...it still takes a little bit of time to let your emotions catch up. I am so glad you have this verse to hold onto because it will remind you that the God who knows you well is the one that understands your emotions well but also knows your heart that is bent on serving and submitting to Him.
Lastly, last year one of my words for that year was The Other Side...I was so impressed by the story of the disciples in the boat with Jesus going to the other side but as you recall, Jesus fell asleep and there was a surprise storm and the disciples were scared, perplexed and fearing the worst...you know the rest...He calmed the storm...but the thing that really impacted me was that Jesus said even before they got in the boat...let's go to the other side...He said it...it was the truth...so despite the fact that a storm came...they were going to get to the other side...so I am praying for you that you will know that in the midst of getting to the other side (Denver) you can ride out this storm of emotions and just sit in the boat with Jesus and your family and know that He has spoken and He will get you there.
Love and prayers,
Helen
Posted by: Helen at A Work of Heart | June 21, 2010 at 08:56 AM
"So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf...you have been King of my glory, won't You be my Prince of Peace..."
I have no idea why I keep sending you songs, but they are absolutely what comes to mind when I read your heart, friend. Love and prayers for God's very, very Best for you, my friend. And tho, I do not intend to replace anything, I would gladly be your coffee friend on Fridays here.
Posted by: Holly @ Crownlaiddown | June 21, 2010 at 10:20 AM
I'm sure the Lord knows how much we can handle...hang in there...
Posted by: graywolfie | June 21, 2010 at 10:46 AM
i so needed that.
Posted by: Betsy | June 21, 2010 at 01:31 PM
Joanne,
My prayers are with you, too. I think we've all felt like you do at some time or other. And that verse is a great one to remind us that He knows what is best because he knows us inside and out. And loves us. And always does what is good and right.
I'm finishing up Proverbs 4 this week with my memory section. I really liked the verse this week about staying on our side of the road:
http://lisanotes.blogspot.com/2010/06/stay-in-your-lane.html
Grace and peace to you, my friend,
Lisa
Posted by: Lisa notes... | June 21, 2010 at 02:50 PM