Joanne Heim

The Simple Wife Archives: Feb. 4, 2010

Dedra writes:

One of my favorite posts from Joanne!  It was at the exact time that my doctor kicked my behind into getting in shape for good.  Joanne has been such an encouragement to me as I've gotten off the couch and into my running shoes.  She's been a true friend as I struggled from not being able to run a lick to running a half marathon.  Pledging to continue to run until we can do it again together.  Enjoy.

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Playlists

Oh wow, I must be official. I added a running category. Hmm...I feel all strong and like I need to pick a race to run with Rachel somewhere near the ocean. Oh my! Did I just type that out loud?!

I do, after all, have new running shoes. And the Nike + iPod thing that now tracks my time, distance, and pace. It is so cool. Knowing I have a computer chip thing in my shoe that talks to the iPod in my hand makes me feel kinda like the Bionic Woman.

 

(Aren't they pretty? All silver and red?)

I even have new running duds. New running pants and running shorts to go with the tee-shirt that Toben hunted down for me. (You can't find them anywhere, but he did. I got the last one in Arizona.)

What I listen to while I run depends on how I feel, and so I have a bunch of different running mixes on my iPod.

Here's some of what's on them:

 

 

 

The mixes that Toben has made for me don't have track names on them. One is filled with great 80s music, the other with more recent hip/hop. And, of course, there's always the soundtracks from Glee. And just picking an artist like Kirk Franklin and taking him for a run.

Oh, and I love country music too.

 

I mix it up quite a bit. And I mix up the mixes on my way out the door, adding and subtracting songs depending on what I want to hear. From time to time, I do listen to sermons, but I like it LOUD so I can't hear myself breathe. And then it feels like whoever is preaching is just yelling at me.

My favorite from this morning's run? Sweet Home Alabama.

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In the comments section, leave the link to your favorite Simple Wife post. Be sure to include your name, blog (if you have one), and a sentence or two about why the post is meaningful/encouraging to you. The Simple Wife Archives are posted Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings.

Day 20

Well, we are now 20 days into this experience. I can't begin to describe the ups and downs our family has gone through.  I won't even try. Some of them are really sacred moments that will probably never be shared outside the family. Others have been more public, shared on-line, because the need for prayer was so great. 

And the prayers have been many and God has heard and answered. 10 days ago we had no idea that she would come so far. 10 days ago Joanne was in a coma. Ten days ago the swelling in her brain was still critical. 10 days ago she was on 15 different medications and IVs. 10 days ago a ventilator was breathing for her. 10 days ago we weren't sure if or how she would come back to us.

Today she is awake from time to time, eyes open and tracking. Today her swelling is all but gone and the pressure in her head is at a minimum. Today she is on only 4 meds (two anti-seizure, an antibiotic, and a blood thinner). Today she is actively making her way back. Today she can squeeze a hand, give the thumbs up and the "I Love You" sign. Today, if the mood strikes, she can smile!

I am ready for what the next couple of weeks will bring--both ups and downs. We are really going to get a sense of what she's capable of. I am hoping that she will get off the trach sooner than later--that's means she will be able to speak if she is able and wants to. And maybe even be able to eat a little bit. Sounds like the PT and OT folks are ready to put her through a couple of hours of active therapy a day which is great. As an avid runner she has such amazing muscle tone, but she has lost much of it over the last few weeks. She has rebuilding to do.

On another note, the girls are off to school again today. No complaints or concerns from either of them.  Denver Christian has ben AMAZING! Can't imagine what it would have been like to get them into a school that they were unfamiliar with.  At DC, as Audrey has said, it feels like going home. 

I love the huge window in Joanne's room. Today we are watching the snow falling outside. Wish she would wake up and take a look at how beautiful it is. All in good time.

TOben

Decorating Day

Kristen and Ava are here at the hospital this afternoon. Ava and Audrey are off decorating Valentines for Ava's class in the family lounge and Kristen is decorating. Really, really decorating! A bunch of Joanne's friends made bunting out of notes, cards, blog comments, and scripture verses. Kristen has hung a dozen or more strands from the ceiling. She has taped other cards to the window in the room and put more stuff on the bulletin board near the head of Joanne's bed. It looks incredible. The nurses all came in and said that it is among the best decorating jobs they have ever seen. Way to go Kristen!!!

Joanne has been totally sacked out today. She was awake almost all day yesterday which was a record for her. But I think it made her exhausted. Mom spent the night and said that Joanne was even awake in the night some. Of course the night nurses had something to do with that, but in a good way.  

Joanne got all cleaned up from head to toe including a great hair washing. I know I keep talking about hair washing but it really does make a big difference. When her hair is clean she just looks like she feels better.  Last night they spent a lot of time massaging gently around her bone-flap scar and cleaned away a lot of the dried blood that had remained there for the last couple of weeks. Pretty weird to come in today and see Joanne and think, "Wow! Her scar looks really good!" 

We didn't get to the hospital until about noon today because the girls and I went to church this morning. It was really good to be back there. We sat in the very last row, and we didn't even have it in us to stand up to sing. We just sat and took it all in. What a blessing. Pastor Brian updated everyone on Joanne and asked for continued prayer and miracles for her. He said this: "Let's pray that Joanne blows the doctors and nurses away with the healing that can only come from God!" Love that.

I think she's already doing that--a couple of docs were afraid she wouldn't make it as far as she already has. Just waking up was more then some thought would happen. Now she is able to flash the "I Love You" hand sign to Audrey and crack a smile when her mom walks in the room. Not too bad girl! And thanks be to God for all of the baby steps she has made and will continue to make. Of course if she wants to make some leaps and bounds in her recovery that would be fine with me too.

Prayer Requests:

1. Tomorrow Joanne starts to work. She will be seen by every one of the staff that will participate in her recovery. Then they will all meet and create a comprehensive treatment plan for her. Can't wait to see what they come up with! Pray that God will direct them and give them wisdom as they determine how to best care for Joanne.

2. Pray for a good week of school for the girls. Feels like they have been a Denver Christian for at least a month but this is just the start of their second full week.  Pray that they continue to get into the groove and praise God for the warm welcome they have received there.

3. Praise God that Joanne is settled into LTAC and is ready for the next phase of her rehabilitation. Prayerfully expectant to see what happens next!

Toben

Quiet

I'm sitting here at Joanne's bedside. The lights are low and Joanne is asleep. On the other side of the room, mom is reading her book. We are here just to be here. Mom is actually going to spend the night tonight and I will do so tomorrow night, just until we are sure that Joanne is aware of where she is and comfortable in her new surroundings.

I wish I could describe how peaceful Joanne looks. I remember the girls, when they were very young, watching them sleep they looked like little angels. Well Joanne looks like an angel to me as she sleeps tonight. There is no stress, anxiety or fear, only sleep, rest, and peace. I could wish for nothing more for her. The Lord knows the work that lies ahead of her, so any chance to rest, to prepare for what is coming, is a blessing.

Many have emailed and texted so I will answer the question: Emma was not able to see Joanne today. My heart is full of ache for her. She really intended to, wanted to, but she got to the door and could go no further. What cognitive and emotional dissonance must be going on in that head and heart of hers! She desperately wants to see her mom, to know that she is OK, but she is so afraid of what she might see.

Her last image of her mom was Joanne seizing on the floor in the basement and to carry that image around is something that  none of us, even as adults, could easily move past. We all told Emma that seeing mom can happen in her time; that when she is ready she'll know it.  Until then, the rest of us are going to stop worrying about it.  When we ask if she is up for a visit she takes it as nagging. I get that. So, no more asking. When she is ready, she'll tell us.

The LTAC move went as smoothly as we could have hoped. Joanne was in the ambulance at 9:30 and all checked in here by 11 or so. There was a lot of activity around her arrival: examinations, x-rays, charts to look over and tubes and wires to reconnect. But it was all done very efficiently. It is easy to forget that even though this is new to us, the nurses and doctors have done this every day for as long as they have done this job. The thing that feels so unique, so new and somewhat scary for us is old hat for them. Creates and interesting tension: to us this is a significant and singular event, but to them it is a daily one. 

So I will say goodnight to Joanne here in a little bit and make the 30 minute drive home. I am so thankful that mom will be here with her tonight and I look forward to my turn at a sleepover tomorrow night. The girls and I are going to church in the morning to try and get back to some sort of normalcy. We will be shooting for that more and more as the days pass--I think we all need it. The last 19 days have been defined by their lack of it. We are in this for the long haul and at some point along the way we are going to have to figure out this new normal. Fortunately we get do that with the love, support and prayers of so many.

Prayer requests:

1. A good nights rest for Mom and Joanne. Anyone who has spent the night in a hospital room knows that's a tall order, but all the more reason to pray for it!

2. Please pray for peace for Emma. 

3. Praise for Joanne's continued progress--her eyes were open much of the day which was a significant change from even yesterday and her communication through hand signals was significantly improved. Her awareness of the people and world around her is improving. So praise Jesus for that! And fervent prayer that it will continue. 

4. Praise for strong family relationships. The nurses have shared a story here and there about families that are just a "nightmare." We are truly blessed to be a family that deeply loves and respects each other. I can't even imagine what this ordeal would be like without family. There is deep strength in a deeply bonded family, and I praise God for it.

Toben

LTAC Part 3

OK, we are finally here at the LTAC. Joanne was transfered at 9:30 this morning via ambulance. She is in her room resting. She was awake for much of her trip and fortunately Mom was able to ride with her. This was probably pretty stressful for her so our expectation is that she will sleep much fo the day and probably be somewhat out of it for much of the weekend.

The staff is orienting us and getting to know Joanne a little but Monday will be the first big day. All the staff that will be working with her to create a care plan that will determine her treatment for as long as she is here. Really looking forward to hearing what they think and what they want to do with Joanne's rehab. I am expecting that a lot of good stuff is going to happen here over the next weeks.  And I am hoping that our time here will be as beneficial as our time at Littleton and that Joanne just blows us away with her progress.

Speaking of which: it was sad to leave the place that has taken such good care of Joanne for the last 19 days.  We really formed good relationships with the staff, nurses and doctors. What's cool is that Joanne will be back there in two months to get her bone flap replaced so we know that we are going to get to see them again before too long. My deep hope is that Joanne will be able to walk right in there and thank everyone herself for the care she received.

One last thing: please check out Kristen's blog at www.khphotography.net. She has posted a ton of photos and has her own unique take on what's happening.  

Prayer requests: 

1. Rest for Joanne in preparation for a big week next week when she starts her rehab work. This will be the hardest thing that she has ever done. Let's all pray that she will have a iron clad resolve to beat this thing.

2. Emma is about an hour away from seeing mom for the first time since the stroke. She has been very scared to see her mom so this is a big step. Surround her with prayer!

3. That the staff here would become like family to us. I know this is a big order, but we will likely be here for the next month so close relationships with the staff, nurses and doctors will be a big deal.  So far everyone has been great!

Toben

Foiled by a Helmet

Today was supposed to be the day that Joanne transfered to her new LTAC. Everyone was all ready to go, ready to check her out, get her loaded into and ambulance and get her checked in to her new home away from home.

Except that she didn't have a helmet.

Dr. Greene, who I love, said that she would never let a patient with a significant bone flap like Joanne's leave the ICU without one, and she was sticking to her guns.  And I say good for her! The right side of Joanne's head feels just like the soft spot in a newborns head and is extremely fragile. If she were to by bumped or jostled the wrong way in the process of transport, it could be a very bad thing indeed. Someone had overlooked this piece of the process so with much haste, they called the helmet man.

Within and hour a big, barrel-chested guy showed up with a measuring tape and took several measurements of Joanne's head including carefully measuring the bone flap site. Then he went back to his facility, found a match, customized it some and showed back up at the hospital with a helmet that fit just right.

Now, I can tell you that you will never see a photo of Joanne is this orthotic. Because if you were to, she would (when she is able) find the source of such a photo and kill the photographer! The helmet is in no danger of becoming a fashion statement. I did inquire if it came in colors, like pink, and the answer was a resounding no. So, Joanne and her beige helmet will get another shot at making it to the LTAC tomorrow at 9 a.m..

I have heard that a small group of her closest friends have plotted as to how to make this helmet more "Joanne-like." there has been talk af a bedazzler, of stickers, of air-brushing and pin stripes. But at the end of the day, it's still a helmet. And I am thankful for it--keep that noggin safe!

Prayer requests: 

1. Emma may be going to see her mama for the first time tomorrow since she found her on the floor of our basement 19 days ago. She is nervous but seems resolute that tomorrow is the day. Please, please pray for her! She has experienced trauma and I want her meeting with her mom tomorrow to be just the oposite of that. I know it will be an incredible blessing to Joanne. 

2. Pray for a good, safe transfer and the check out, transport, and check in processes all go smoothly.

3. Pray for rest for Joanne and the family. I for one am hitting a bit of a wall, feeling overwhelmed with the enormity of the task ahead of Joanne and our journey with her. So please pray that I will stay in the moment, celebrate the little victories and not borrow from tomorrows imagined troubles!

Toben

P.S. Joanne is becoming a little more active and alert. Today she opened her eyes a little more and continued to respond to simple commands on her right and pain stimulus on her left. Plus she is successfully breathing on her own with warmed, humidified oxygen. Highlight of the day: She opened her eyes when her mom came in the room and smiled the most beautiful smile. A parent could live on a moment like that for a long time.

The Simple Wife Archives: March 18, 2007

Holly in Colorado writes:

This post was hysterical!  I loved it and it totally shows the fun side of the Heim family.

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Kids will out you every time...

My friend Stephanie called me after Emma's sleepover at her house to relate this conversation from their dinner together...

Emma (totally out of nowhere): My mama steals from church.

Stephanie: What?! She steals from church?

Emma: Yep.

Stephanie: What does she steal?

Emma: Oh, cups and stuff...

The last time we had communion at church I realized that the plastic communion cups are the perfect size for American Girl dolls. So I took our four with me instead of putting them in the box by the door. Come on, are they really going to wash a thousand little plastic cups and reuse them the next time communion comes around? I think not.

Reduce, reuse, recycle.

We were reusing before recycling. It made perfect sense to me, but all Emma came away with was that I "stealed" from church. Of course it didn't help that Toben walked the whole way to the car that day saying, "Ooooh...Mom stole from church!"

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In the comments section, leave the link to your favorite Simple Wife post. Be sure to include your name, blog (if you have one), location and a sentence or two about why the post is meaningful/encouraging to you. The Simple Wife Archives are posted Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings.

LTAC Part 2

So mom and I set off on adventure today to look a the two LTAC facilities approved by Kaiser. It didn't start off well. We pulled up to the first facility (which was massive) and into the parking garage (equally massive) and instantly got lost. after about 10 minutes of looking for a space while maintaining our sense of direction we found an exit and promptly took it. It dumped us out right in front of a valet parking kiosk. We jumped at the opportunity, handed over the keys and headed inside. 

Then things got worse. This particular LTAC is on the 5th floor of a larger hospital and as soon as mom and I got off the elevator we both new this wasn't the place. It looked like something from a movie about bad hospitals. It was loud, narrow hallways, small rooms and just all around yucky. The coordinator we met with was great, but not great enough to overcome the rest of the situation.  We stayed about half an hour and then beat a retreat. I think at that moment both of us began to pray, "Lord, please let the next one be better!"

And it was! The second facility was a stand alone, with it's own parking lot (off to a good start) and things continued on well from there. The coordinator was great, the facility was spotless and they had the right answers to the 20 questions we put together last night. What a relief! They had already called Kaiser and had received approval for Joanne to come there which was great. 

So the long and the short of it is that Joanne is headed to her new home tomorrow morning! She will be transported by ambulance and mom and I will follow along behind. The cool things:

Family has 24 hour visitation

The facility is secure, meaning you can't just wander in--you have to be check in by the front desk lady before you head upstairs, and if you aren't on the list, you aren't getting in! Love this since the floor at Littleton was not secure.

I will get my own wi-fi account on their network so I can keep doing blogs and twitter updates.

There are huge windows in every room looking out on huge trees. There is so much light in every room.

Clean, clean, clean!

Friendly staff

Free soft drinks, coffee and iced tea

We can decorate Joanne's room however we want

There is a ton more good stuff, but this gives you a flavor. The only real drawback is that it is half an hour away from our house. But a little extra commute time is no big deal to get Joanne in the right place. Love what our coordinator said, "This isn't a day spa, this is a place where patients come to do the hard work of getting better." Love that!

I will write a post tomorrow on Joanne's progress over the last 24 hours. It's pretty cool!

Toben

 

 

 

LTAC

This is an acronym that is in the very front of my mind. It stands for Long Term Acute Care, and it is where Joanne is headed after she leaves ICU. Been in conversations with the two LTACs that Kaiser is recommending. And tomorrow Mom and I are going to visit. In a weird way it feels like selecting a college for a graduating senior--this is a place where Joanne is going to spend a long time, and a lot of cool stuff is going to happen while she's there. The family has come up with out list of a dozen or more questions that we will ask. But something tells me that between mom and I we are going to get a sense pretty quickly if one of these places is a good fit. I'll post again tomorrow right after our visits with a report.

On another note, Joanne looked like Joanne today! With the breathing and NG tubes out (thanks to the tracheostomy) of her nose and mouth we can now really see her beautiful face. It is so good to see her again. With all that stuff off of her face I was able to take a washcloth and wipe her face a number of times which hopefully made her more comfortable. Actually she sort of wrinkled up her nose when I did it the first time but I think she got used to it after that. 

And the night nurse washed her hair again, which I just love! I haven't gotten to see the contraption the use to wash a her hair but apparently it involves some sort of specially modified trash bag that drains and captures water? I have seen them do the "chemical wash" which just involves a fancy shower cap with leave-in shampoo in it. But last night was the real deal.  And it showed. All day, everyone that came in the room commented on how beautiful she looked which was really nice. Most of the people who passed through her room today have seen her daily for the last two weeks so I felt like I was getting to introduce them to the real Joanne. I got to say "This is who you have been working with! Not bad, huh?"

She did physical therapy twice today. And as I have said now on a number of occasions: those PT ladies don't mess around! They are like very caring drill sergeants, "Joanne, we are going to sit up NOW!" And whoosh, there she is sitting up on the side of the bed. Of course it takes these two therapists to get her into this position and to keep her there as Joanne is still mostly out of it. But she is able to follow some commands and use some muscles that haven't been used in over two weeks. I have to tell you, I love these ladies attitudes towards there work: it's not going to fun, and it's not going to be easy, but it is going to be good for you, so let's get after it!

God has given us another good day that included more baby steps in the right direction!

Prayer Request:

1. Great visit with the LTACs tomorrow and a clear sense of where Joanne should go next.

2. Special blessings on the CCU nurses, doctors, and techs that continue to care for Joanne. They have become dear to us and we have been so blessed by each of them. 

3. Continued progress for Joanne. The neurologist thinks the next 48 hours will show great progress. Oh how we would celebrate that!

Toben

 

The Simple Wife Archives: Nov. 4, 2010

 Rachel in Californina writes:

This is one of my favorite posts of Joanne's because it shows frailty, but also strength in times that demand us to trust in the Lord. My favorite part of the blog post is pulled from a book and says: 

For DISAPPOINTMENTS
accepted with PRAISE 
always seem to turn into 
EXTRA-RADIANT BLESSINGS.

Amazing.  Just like Joanne.

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Change of plans, disappointment, praising for everything

Yesterday did not go quite as planned. I started the laundry, but did not finish it. I did get my hair cut (the girl I've gone to the last two times is a really, really good hair washer--which is worth half the price right there in my book). We did get some school done.

But no packing.

Audrey and I were supposed to fly to Arizona tonight to spend a long weekend with her BFF's family. A family that happens to include some of my BFFs too. But this weekend isn't going to work for them after all and they called and asked us to postpone our trip.

Disappointment.

And many tears from my girl who is lonely and desperate to see her BFF.

She scrambled around in her brain, trying to make sense of it, coming up with all kinds of ways to force it to happen, to make it fit anyway, struggling for a sense of control.

And I was reminded of myself--trying to force things to fit when the answer is no and seeing that to force it means compromising what you really want.

Because, yes, we could have gone and stayed with other friends. But that 24/7 non-stop time with her BFF? That wouldn't happen. And that's what she really wants. 

So we will wait and go a different weekend so these two sweet girlies can have their uninterrupted time together.  But waiting is hard.

In the midst of phone calls and undoing plans, I heard something God has impressed on my heart lately: Praise for everything. The bad as well as the good. 

I may have mentioned a time or 712 that I've been loving all of Hannah Hurnard's books--not just Hinds' Feet on High Places. (Though it is my hands-down favorite!) Here are some quotes I jotted down from her book Winged Life:

1. The secret of victorious Christian living...is to go through each day praising for everything--the bad things as well as the good.

2. Don't try to hold onto anything in this life, but willingly let go, in order to be able to receive new enrichment from the Lord.

3. Everything that is willingly laid down into death will be raised to life again in some more glorious and perfect form.

Seems like yesterday was a chance to put it all into practice. It's certainly not easy--despite the 1, 2, 3 simplicity of it. Simple rarely means easy. But God knows best--and so the seemingly bad things are part of that best--his good, pleasing, and perfect will. We just don't see the whole picture.

But then there's this promise (from Hinds' Feet on High Places, naturally!):

For DISAPPOINTMENTS
accepted with PRAISE
always seem to turn into
EXTRA-RADIANT BLESSINGS.

Of course, we don't get to see how it will turn out until we do the accepting, do the obedient work of praising. And there's no amount of time mentioned here. Sometimes it happens quickly, other times we wait and wait and wait.

And then there's this from her book Kingdom of Love to answer the question of how we actually praise in the midst of disappointment. Because what about praising even when the disappointment feels very real? Does that mean we're faking it and fooling ourselves? No. It means we're being obedient.

It is never hypocrisy to act as we earnestly desire to feel, even though the feeling may be very contrary at the time.

Feelings follow action.

Just before bed last night, it worked out for Audrey's BFF to fly here for the weekend. Blessing for her, indeed.

Yes, I am still disappointed. I will miss being at MISSION this weekend, miss seeing my friends and time with them. But I have the choice to praise in the midst of it, trusting that God knows what is best.

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In the comments section, leave the link to your favorite Simple Wife post. Be sure to include your name, blog (if you have one), location and a sentence or two about why the post is meaningful/encouraging to you. The Simple Wife Archives are posted Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings.

Never Used to It

I don't think I will ever get used to the site of Joanne suffering. If I do it will be because I have lost some of my soul. I know she is sedated. I know she couldn't feel a thing. But still...

Encouragement

Just want everyone to know that I am trying to keep up with the comments you all leave on these posts. Mostly I try to read them when I am alone because they are pretty emotional for me to take in. So many prayers, words of encouragement and stories to bless our family. Tonight at dinner I plan to pull up the blog and read some of what you all have written to the girls so that they can understand how much they are loved and how much there mama is loved too.

Tough Stuff

Joanne is getting her tracheostomy and PEG right now, so I have been sent out to the waiting room.  Got to spend the morning with her and it is really evident that these procedures are coming not a day too soon--her poor lips, tongue and nose looks so sore for the tubes and hoses attached there. they even had to put the boxing glove back on her right hand because she was going after those tubes. Excited for her to be more comfy.

At the same time it is weird to be sitting out here thinking about what she is going through. In fact, I am trying not to think about it.  She has already gone through so much and it is hard to watch her continue to endure so much. 

Watching the physical therapy team go at her yesterday was tough too.  It is a good sign that she is ready to get some PT but those ladies don't mess around.  They we pulling and pushing and prodding and stretching Joanne every which way. I know she has a lot more of this sort of treatment in her future so I better get used to it, but yesterday it was still a shocker.

Of course Joanne isn't really awake to experience much of it. Sort of hard to explain--she's sort of there but not really.  Not opening her eyes much but moving around a little, especially on her right side. Looking for a little more improvement over the next couple of days. Can't wait for her to open her eyes wide and track with me a little. 

More updates to come.

Toben

Happy Birthday Emma!

Today is Emma's 10th birthday. Double digits! For those of you who don't know her she is the one hanging out on the left of this photo.  She has the happiest heart of any kid (or adult) that I have ever met. So Emma, happiest birthday to you and bless you for all the joy and happiness that you bring to those around you. We all love you so much!

Dad

 

So Much Good News!

Ok, here's the deal: Joanne's new neurologist came to see her today. Looked a the MRI, the EEG and did some tests (basically involving pinching Joanne hard to see if she would respond to pain) and the long and the short of it is that she expects Joanne to have strong recovery including use of much of her left side. She may have weakness in her left leg but the left arm is looking pretty good. Speech may be slightly effected and she may process a little more slowly then she used to, but she is battling her way back! Ultimately only time will tell, but this is the best news we have heard so far. 

Everyone is heavily emphasizing that this is going to be a long process. Joanne will probably be in some form of intensive, in patient rehab for the next three months. But with a lot of work, she can make significant process. 

At this point Joanne is still pretty much unconscious (not opening her eyes much) because of brain swelling but she is reactive. She may remain so for the next couple of weeks "until her brain is ready to turn itself back on." But what we know for sure is that she can hear us and and respond to us.  

So, encouraging news for sure!

Prayer requests:

1. Joanne will have a tracheostomy tomorrow and will have a feeding tube surgically inserts at 10:30. Simple procedure and easily reversible and will  make her much more comfortable and less prone to infection. THis is a good thing for Joanne and she will probably need the support that these devices provide for the next couple of weeks, after which she will be weened off of both.

2. The next decision is rehab or LTAC (long term acute care). Hoping to have this decision by the end of the week and is entirely dependent on the progress that Joanne makes over the next few days. Pray that the next facility will be as awsome as the one we are at now.

3. PRAISE, PRAISE, PRAISE!

Toben

Breathing!

Joanne has been breathing on her own for the last half an hour for the first time since she came to the hospital. She is still on a vent to keep her airway open but the breathing is all her. The really good news is that she might be able to avoid a tracheostomy.  That would be huge because it would mean that when the time is right she would be able to talk. With a trach in she wouldn't be able to. Totally open to however the doctors lead but praying that she will be able to go trach free!

I got a hand squeeze today when I came in this morning and she was also able to give a thumbs up.  Hasn't opened her eyes this morning and I think she might actually be sleeping now.  She will still have sleep and wake cycles even though she appears to be asleep all the time. Both legs have moved this morning as well. All great stuff!

Gran is sitting at Joanne's bedside reading to her from a favorite devotional. It is so cool to know that she can hear us now! Jon is our nurse again today which is great. He has been with her for the most part from the first day she came to ICU. Although Erin and Jessica were with her for a few days over the weekend and she got a lot of TLC from them. She got her hair washed and looks great and I know she's got to be feeling better. I still can't tell you how amazing the staff has been.

More soon.

Toben 

 

The Simple Wife Archives: Nov. 1, 2010

It's Janna here again. I think you'll all agree with me that Toben has been doing an excellent job updating us on Joanne's condition and progress via Twitter and here on the Simple Wife.

We appreciate the sharing of information and prayer requests. But no offense to you, Toben, I miss hearing from Joanne. Many of you have also expressed this. We miss "hearing" daily from Joanne through her honest and encouraging words on this blog. For now, and likely for some time, Joanne won't be able to write to us. So on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I will be re-posting some of her entries from "The Simple Wife Archives."

For those of you who are new to Joanne's blog, I hope this will be a way for you to get to know her better. For those of you who are “regulars,” I'd love your suggestions of blog entries to re-post.

In the comments section, leave the link to your favorite Simple Wife post. Be sure to include your name, blog (if you have one), location and a sentence or two about why the post is meaningful/encouraging to you.

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The Simple Wife Archives: Here's a Memory Monday entry from Nov. 1, 2010. (Thanks, Carrie for reminding me of this post.)

Joanne loves God's word and has encouraged many of us to memorize scripture. In honor of Memory Monday, I've decided to begin memorizing Psalm 46—the scripture that the Heims are claiming over Joanne. Want to join me?

In keeping with Monday Memory tradition, feel free to link/leave a comment with the scripture you are memorizing this week.

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Memory Monday: All of Psalm 91 on video!

We have finished learning all of Psalm 91...see! (Not quite sure what's up the Flashdance look--never seen the movie. Though I do have a secret love of Fame, which may be where this is coming from!)

   

For this week, we are learning Proverbs 31:30 and 1 John 1:9.

Now we are headed back to school!

***

What are you learning? Leave a link or a comment below? And if you're not memorizing Scripture, would you think about joining us?

Good News!

I can't tell you how badly I have wanted to write this post over the last 12 days. But today I can tell you the we have good news! Joanne is waking up. She is off the medication that kept her in a coma so we are getting to see little signs of healthy brain activity, of life! Here's a list of what has happened so far.

Eyes open, both left and right, although she is having a little easier time on the left side. But I can tell that she really wants to open that right eye. Her eye aren;t trackign yet, but they are open which is what I have been waiting for. I have prayed, "Lord, just let me see those brown eyes again." And he's answered that prayer.

Leg movement, both left and right although she is taking commands a little better ont he right side then on the left.  The nurse gets right up in her ear and in a bit of a stern voice say, "Move your right toes Joanne!" and she does it. And not only on command but just from time to time of her own accord. She has also moved both legs giving indication that she may be able to walk when she gets through rehab. 

She is moving her right arm and hand and gave me the thumbs up tonight! I tried to copy the nurse and said, "Show me that right thumb Joanne!" and she did it!

Like I said earlier, the MRI shows a lot of destruction on the right brain but there is still some tissue over there that remains in tact.  That's a very good thing. Left side looks good and there had been some concern that there was left side damage so knowing that she didn't "smoosh" that side of her brain due to inter-cranial pressure is a huge relief.

So, she should be able:

Walk unassisted (maybe) 

Talk

Recognize people and objects

Recover full movement on her right side

Recover limited movement on her left.

Read! 

That's all the doctor is saying for sure.  There are lots of other little things: eating, breathing unassisted, etc. that we'll see about as time goes by. But today is literally the first day that I will leave the hospital feeling encouraged! Joanne, in one form or another, is coming back to us.  

The next step is likely to be an LTAC where she will recover a bit more before she moves to rehab. I'll keep you posted on that. We are hopeful that we will be able to decorate her room with the hundreds of cards that have come in, pictures of the family and be able to play her favorite music.

Another cool thing about today is that Gran and Audrey were able to take the pressure socks off of Joanne long enough to shave her legs, message her calves and feet and get her moisturized. I can just imagine that Joanne feels like a million bucks as a result. Tonight Jessica is going to wash her hair so in the morning she is going to look like a million bucks too! 

Prayer requests:

1. Joanne will likely be getting a tracheostomy tomorrow or Tuesday as well as a PEG line into her stomach for feeding.  This is actually a great thing as with will get the breathing tube out of her mouth and the NG tube out of her nose, both of which are terribly uncomfortable for her. Pray these procedures go well.

2. Joanne is still running a fever. Could just be a neurological deal but it could also mean she has some sort of infection on board. We need her infection free!

3. Would love to see her continue to progress in her movement. If she squeezes my hand  one of these days I'll be over the moon!

4. If Joanne is stable by the end of the week she will get moved to a new facility. We have loved Littleton Adventist and will hate to go,  and need prayer that her next facitlity will be just as awesome.

5. Here's the best one: Prayers of absolute praise to God is healing her! One of my closest friends told me on the phone tonight that he is going to bed with praises instead of petitions. We can all do that. Way to go God! Her recovery is all to his glory!

With much love, a grateful heart, and appreciation for your support,

Toben

 

 

 

 

Quick Update

The last 24 hours have been full of little encouragements. Yesterday Joanne began opening her left eye and I could just tell that she was trying to get that right eye open too. This morning she managed to get her right eye a little open. That's cool! Cooler still is that we had some very limited movement of the left and right legs and in her right arm. Plus she coughed. I know coughing probably doesn't seem like a big deal but actually it indicates that some of her reflexes are in tact as coughing is a reflex action. 

Right now she is down getting an MRI which will paint a clearer picture for her neurologist as to what damage has been done and what's still in tact. I feel like I'm holding my breath to get those results.  It'll be a few hours but am trying to be patient. Dr. Pales will read the MRI as soon as it comes up and then we'll see where we're at.

After that she'll get another EEG and see what sort of brain activity is going on.  And once that is off then we'll ge to give joanne some TLC--they are going to wash her hair and get all that EEG paste out of her hair and a few other little things that'll make her feel like anew women.

Prayer requests:

1. Looks like Joanne might have a little pneumonia--they xrayed her chest today and we'll know in the next little bit if she has any fluid build up.  If so, they will increase her antibiotics. Would love to avoid this complications!

2. Would LOVE a good report from her MRI and EEG. 

I'll post later today either here on or twitter and let you know what we find out as the day goes on.

Toben

 

Running the Ultra

I got about ten hours of sleep last night. Audrey and I came to see Joanne for the night shift but ended up taking off about ten.  I was fading fast and wanted to get home before I totally fell asleep in Joanne's room.  Then today I sort of slept in until almost eight.  I say "sort of" because I woke up a ton starting at about five--sort of drifting in and out.  For whatever reason this is the hardest time of the day for me.  

When I get to the hospital and can be with Joanne is is pretty easy to stay in the moment. When I go home to eat dinner there is a lot of conversation and activity. When I go to bed at night I'm exhausted and fall right asleep. But in the morning, when I am waking up my brain goes a little haywire.  My thoughts race ahead to what life will be like in a week, or a month or next year.  And I feel like I wake up almost as tired as when I went to bed. 

Of course it is impossible to know what life will be like down the road. We are still hour to hour here at the hospital and things change all the time.  Medication doses go up and down.  EEG scans show "sharps and waves," blood pressure rises and falls, Joanne's temperature goes up and down, and her heart rate slows and races. And all of it is displayed on a 15 inch monitor located above her bed. I stare at it all the time, willing numbers to change.  

One of the doctors gave me great advice yesterday: don't let your highs get too high or your lows get to low. I totally hear that but it's hard to do. And that's where I get in trouble in the mornings, when I am laying there in bed. Either my expectations go up and I expect to walk into the hospital to see a miracle or I assume the very worst and walk into the hospital with a sense of dread.  I can tell you that for the last week things skew toward the dread side.  

We could really use some good news and the ability to take it in stride, not pinning all our hopes on one positive sign, but staying mindful of the fact that we are in for a long run.

Makes me think about my friend Mark who runs ultramarathons--anything from 50K to 100 miles. I got to read about his last 100 mile run and have been applying some of what I read there to my thinking about this situation. The first is that exhaustion comes with the territory. There is just no way around it. you are going to get to the very bitter end of what you think you are capable of. The next is that there are medical/food stations along the way that check you out, get some nutrition into you and give you the all clear to keep running. The third is that at times it helps to have someone run a leg of the race with you, especially in the dark.

I don't think I have to paint the parallels here: they are totally evident. But I will say that the ultramarathon analogy works for me. Lot's of people run marathons (not to diminish that accomplishment) but it is a select, crazy bunch who lace up their sneakers and run for 24 hours straight. For whatever reason God has dropped our family into on of these "ultras" and our task is to push through the exhaustion, make sure we get spiritual, emotional and physical "check ups" along the way, and to do all of this in close community with one another. Here's the other thing: people that run ultras have to be a little crazy, but when they finish, the sense of accomplishment has to be like no other. I am clinging to the notion that when our family (both by blood and by faith) finishes our ultra, we will feel just the same.

 

Audrey here...

    Hey guys! 

 I am here with my mom and she looks so pretty (even in the hospital)! This whole thing has been stressful and kinda scary. But the weird thing is that the hospital and the beeping of the machines and the tubes and wires are normal and I have gotten used to it. Everyone has been so nice and  supportive, showing that to us through food and through everything. I personally love a hug and prayers! I have matured about two or three years through all of this from mom to school. I want to personally say, "THANKS!" I love you all for being there for me and my family. 

So long,   

                 Audrey

Many Thanks

Thank you notes are a big deal in our family. We feel like if someone took the time, effort, thoughtfulness and money to give you a gift the very least you can do is send a thank you note. But I think we came to the realization tonight that if we were to write a thank you to everyone who has reached out or blessed us over the last 10 days we would be, according to Audrey, "writing thank you note until 2040!" So this is my thank you note to everyone who has poured into us, provided for us and prayed for us since this started. 

For all of you who have provided meals we are all so grateful.  We are eating like kings! And it has allowed all the family to spend more time at the hospital with Joanne, which is where we want/need to be.

For all of you who have sent cards (literally at least 100 of you) thank you so much. Your words of encouragement are deeply appreciated. We keep all the cards in a "Joanne basket" so that then she wakes up we can read them to her. She'll love it!

For all of you who have provided gift for the girls I am deeply appreciative.  I honestly can't imagine what this experience must be like for them.  Audrey has been to see her mom a number of times but Emma still doesn't want to do it, which is totally fine. We were talking about it tonight when when she was going to bed and she said that she knows mom is in good hands (including God's hands) and that that's good enough for her right now--and I believe her! But the gifts have been a wonderful distraction for them.  They love the many iTunes, Traget, Starbucks, and Panera gift cards that have come in.  And the stuffed animals! Then there is the candy and other little treats. All of it makes them feel so special and loved. So thank you.

For all of you who have provided financial help, I don't even know what to say. My BIL Wade and our friend Janna, with help from a few others put together the fund for Joanne. I honestly have no idea what has been given (Wade is taking care of all of it--love having an accountant in the family!)  but I know that however much it is that it will go a long way toward allowing me to remain at Joanne's bedside (couldn't imagine being anywhere else) and to cover much of the expense that will be incurred in this process. Thank you so much!

And finally, for all of you who are praying I want to say thank you most of all. You may not be aware that literally tens of thousands of you are praying for Joanne each day. there are nearly 50,000 of you coming to this page to stay updated and to get the prayer requests that I post.  I can honestly say that in my 40 years I have never seen more people take a more active role in prayer on someones behalf then what I have seen over the last 10 days. A dear friend of Joanne's was praying with Joanne today and said, "What a sweet aroma these prayers much be to God."  I love that! And I believe deeply that the prayers of God's people (that's you) will not return void.

Just know that all of you are a great help and blessing to our entire family.

Much love,

Toben

 

 

 

On Waking Up

Joanne is in the very slow process of waking up. It'll be another day before the medication is out of her system and she'll be able to really come to assuming that her brain decides to cooperate. Then we'll get the first glimpse of knowing what her "deficit" looks like. There is no question on anyone's part that there will be deficit, it's more a question of how much.  

So I know it is a while off but little things are happening that get my heart beating. First off, there is some electrical activity showing up on the EEG. She has been flatlined for days so seeing those little blips on the screen feels like progress.  Joanne also coughed this morning. Now that may not seem like a big deal, but a cough is a reflex action and we want her to recover her reflexes. And the nurse who has been taking care of her got the boxing gloves back out! There is only one reason he did that: she might start moving her hand and arm! So he want to be able to put the gloves on her as soon as that happens to avoid having her go after any of the tubes, hoses and lines that are currently running in and out of her body.

Now a note about John.  He is the nurse that has spent the most time with Joanne and to put it simply, he has been amazing. He'sa pretty big guy, probably in his late 20's. He is extremely gentle with Joanne and works to make sure that she is comfortable all the time.  He moves her head and neck, torso and legs, gently inserting a pillow here or a towel there to make sure that she is never in one position for too long. I actually asked him if there was a class in nursing school on how to use pillows to keep a patient comfortable and he said there actually is. Love that!

He also keeps all of her meds in order and flowing. May sound like a simple job but she has about 15 different bags hanging on the IV stands and one or the other of them always needs to be replaced with a fresh one. He has various and sundry other duties too.  The other thing I like about him is that he is confident and directive. What I mean is that he has made it very clear that Joanne is his priority and the rest of us are less so. If one of us does something that he feels isn't helpful for Joanne he lets us know it. For example, I was sitting at her bedside rubbing her arm and he told me that holding hands was OK but rubbing was a potential over stimulation. Love that about him!

Anyhow, when all of this is over whoever his bosses are, they are going to get a letter from me telling them what a blessing he has been to Joanne and the rest of us.

Prayer requests:

1. Audrey is really struggling. Between what's going on with Joanne, starting back at school, and being a 12 year old girl, she is in a pretty tough space. Simple prayer for her is that she would eat and sleep well so that she has the energy to deal with all the emotions she is wrestling with.

2. This is a selfish prayer but if/when Joanne opens her eyes for the first time in almost 10 days I want to be there for it. Obviously we will be thrilled whenever she opens her eyes, but if I could be there to see her come back that would be deeply meaningful.

3. Please pray that Joanne won't get any other sort of infection. Between the breathing tube and the meds that she is ont here is some risk of pneumonia.

 

Toben

 

 

 

Bible Study Ladies

I have figured out that I can't be at the hospital until midnight every night and continue to function (big surprise, right?).  So today my SIL Kristen suggested that Joanne's Bible study group come to the hospital to spend some time with her talking and praying.  I am so excited for Joanne to get to be with them tonight! These women are most near and dear to Joanne and they have met every monday night for the last few months. Now, typically they meet for Bible study at 7 p.m. and they all wear their warm, fuzzy PJs. So it will be interesting to see what they show up in tonight!

Yes, even though they are going to stay with Joanne I am still going over for a few minutes just to kiss her goodnight. I just can't stay away. No surprise really.  When Joanne was up and around my favorite thing was to be with her so makes sense that my favorite thing would still be to be with her.

Deeply encouraged by a pastor friend today who brought Revelation 21:4 to my attention: "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” 

Loved that! Another cool thing: remember a few posts ago I talked about Joanne talking to Jesus while she is in her coma and how I thought that there was probably no theological basis for that? Well this actual, official, ordained man of the cloth told me that it is possible that that very thing is happening! He may have just said that to be nice, but it did feel good that it wasn't just a weird coping mechanism to believe that she is communing with her savior.

On another note, I would appreciate prayer on something: I need to stay in the moment. So often my mind races ahead, I want to know now what the future holds for Joanne. I want to know if she is going to open her eyes.  I want to know if she will be able to recognize me. I want to know if she will understand me or be able to talk. I want to know if she will...fill in the blank. But you know what? I need to take it a day at a time.  I need to take what God has planned for today knowing that he will provide the strength that I need for today. So, please pray that my mind will be guarded from getting ahead of itself.

Finally, the girls started school at Denver Christian today.  Emma had an amazing day and came home higher than a kite. She loves tasks and structure so school is a big part of getting back to some semblance of normalcy.  Audrey had a tougher day, not feeling well for much of the day. I think it has a lot to do with the stress that she is carrying around as she processes through what is going on with her mom. Praying that she has a better day tomorrow and that she too gets into the rythm of things.

Your support continues to bless and overwhelm us. Today's crazy combination: best wishes sent by both Tiger Woods and Joni Erickson Tada. Who woulda thunk it?

Toben

Morning

I usually write these posts at night, when the lights are low, when the ICU is at its quietest. Mornings are a time of activity.  The doctors and nurse come in to check this and that. A chaplain usually stops by. CT scan results are poured over, vitals are continually checked and the critical care team does their rounds.  And today as an added feature Joanne is getting her EEG equipment put back on so that they can monitor her brain activity (of which there is very little).  They had to take it off last night so that she could get her CT. I really like her EEG tech.  She is very gentle with Joanne. After the EEG goes on then they wrap her up in gauze to keep the leads in place. 

There are other little tender things that the nurses do to keep Joanne comfortable. She got her hair washed last night to get all the paste from the EEG off of her--I have no idea how they got it washed but they did . They are giving her artificial tears to keep her eyes moisturized. They are swabbing her mouth and moisturizing her lips. They move her from her back to her left side a little every few hours.  They can't move her to her right side because of the skull flap.  All that to say, they are taking very good care my my girl.

Just found out moments ago that they are going to start backing off pentobarbital as of right now.  This is the drug that keeps her in her coma.  Even though they are backing it off it will still take a couple of days for the drug to clear her system. That's the point at which we find out where she's at with her brain damage. 

Had a long and honest discussion with the neurologist last night about expected outcomes. Pretty tough stuff. Not going to go into detail ont hat just yet as we as a family process it through a bit more but as I feel comfortable we will share some of the challenges that we may be facing. 

Prayer: 

1. That today is a great day of school for the girls. Off to a good start this morning but this afternoon will tell. 

2. That as Joanne comes off the pentobarbital that her brain would not start to swell again and that her vitals will all stay strong. We also need her to come out of her coma.

3. As a family we are emotionally worn out. Beyond the physical aspects of taking care of the kids, of being at the hospital, and of not sleeping well we are all deeply drained by the conversations we're having and the decisions we are making. We need energy and encouragement to keep going. I know God will provide this for us but prayers for an extra measure would be appreciated. 

Toben

Too Tired to Type

This is the first night that I haven't been at the hospital.  Joanne's mom and dad and sister are all over there sot hat I can be here with the girls tonight before they start school at Denver Christian tomorrow. I have certainly been doing the husband thing more then the parent thing and I need to figure out how to create balance there. 

Anyhow, this night at home means I can go to bed at a reasonable hour which I plan to do here very shortly.  We are all exhausted from the hours but more so from the emotion.  So, the short update:

Joanne is still in a coma. They want to get her out of the coma but some of her levels aren't where they want them to be before they bring her out.  Hopefully things will look right in the morning and they will stop the medication that is keeping her under.  From that point it could still be days before she is actually out of her coma.  Takes the meds a little while to clear her system.  Then we will see where she's at, and get the earliest glimpses of what recovery might look like. Everything up to this point is educated guess work.

Prayer requests: That the girls would have a GREAT day of school tomorrow.

Since this is such a short post I will blog again in the morning if I am able.

Toben

God Stuff

As an occasional writer I have often been in the place where I look for inspiration. Joanne's stroke, the days and nights in the hospital, have provided plenty of that. I think crisis brings that out in me and writing about it soothes me.  

I remember my first youth group missions trip to Mexico to build houses.  I flew to California and went with my uncle's youth group.  I was deeply effected by the poverty and living conditions of those whom we were serving. And I remember writing notebooks full of bad poetry on the flight home about what I had experienced. I had to get it out on paper. Still do.

Hopefully I have progressed a little in my ability to express myself with the written word but heartbreak continues to get me writing. 

***

Strangest conversation today. I was driving home for a quick dinner break and was making my evening round of calls to let the family and a few close friends know where we were at.  So I'm talking to a someone and she says, "How was your day?" and reflexively I said, "Pretty good. I mean Joanne is still in a coma but other than that things are looking pretty good." I almost laughed out loud after I said it!  Of course what I said was true--there were no crises today, Joanne inter-cranial pressure (ICP) stayed low, her life was at no immediate risk, and we didn't have to make any gut wrenching decisions. I am thankful for that--my spirit felt lifted. But of course Jo remains in a critical condition. Talk about cognitive dissonance! 

As I process the day I think of two things: the first is that God's mercies are new today, even in the midst of my darkest hours. I have a wife that I love beyond description in a coma, on a ventilator, surrounded by machines, with literally a dozen bags of various IV fluids keeping her alive and yet somehow, today, it is well with my soul. Feels weird to say that but I honestly felt my sprits rise a little today as I saw her ICP number stay low and her vitals stay steady.  We are no where near being out of the woods with this deal, but in the darkest woods, God is there.

 

The other thing I thought of: today Audrey came to visit her mom and we were walking down the hall at the ICU she said "Dad, this sort of feels normal." And she's right, but it's also so bizarre. How can something so messed up feel normal? I have only one answer that makes sense to me: a peace that comes from God that passes all understanding.  That's all it can be. How can something that I never could have imagined, that almost defies words in it's badness becomes tolerable? Again, it must be God.  

I have to say that honestly I don't know if I will feel this way tomorrow. I know a time is probably coming where I will wrestle with God about the "why" of all this. The whole process has been minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. But as I sit here in this chair (a very comfortable recliner) tucked away in the back of Joanne's room behind all the machines, I am completely convinced.

This may seem like over-spiritualization to some. I've had one conversation in which I articulated these thoughts only to have that person say, "But how are you really?" Like somehow these are just words that as a believer I am supposed to say, but that I don't really mean.

But Joanne's stroke is the crucible in which what I have articulated all my life as a believer is tested. Do I believe in a peace that passes all understanding? Do I believe that God's provision is enough for today? Do I believe that God's glory can shine through in the darkest of times? Do I trust? Do I have faith? Is God really even there?

Those are the big questions in the life of a believer; at least in my life. And today I choose to answer each of them in the affirmative. You see, this feels beyond bad, but in my heart of hearts I know the truth. And the truth is a resounding yes! 

That doesn't mean that this situation isn't bad almost beyond my ability to withstand it, but it also doesn't mean that God has abandoned us, in fact I think it has caused him to draw near.

I am going to share something that is probably very theologically unsound but comforts me greatly: I believe that Joanne and Jesus are carrying on a great conversation right now, that somehow her soul is in communion with him while she otherwise seems to be absent of her body. I picture them together somewhere short of heaven having the most fascinating and meaningful talk. And I picture that one of these days he is going to say to her, "Precious daughter, it is time for you to go back."  And at that moment, she will awake.

 

How You Can Help

Hello, my name is Janna, and I've been given permission by Toben to hijack Joanne's blog for a little bit. I met Joanne several years ago through her lovely sister Kristen. I have the pleasure of considering these two sisters my dearest of friends.

Many of you, like me, feel honored to call Joanne "friend.” Some of you know her in real life and some from the blogosphere. Some of you may have never met Joanne but have come to her blog to get updates and to pray. I feel confident that Joanne would consider you a friend, also.

The outpouring of love, prayer and interest in Joanne's condition has been overwhelming. The family is extremely moved and encouraged by how the Body of Christ has come together in this time of crisis. Many of you have asked how you can help. So with the collaboration of some of Joanne's many friends, we've organized some new features on Joanne's blog to Help the Heims.

If you have ever met, read or come into contact with Joanne, you have probably been blessed in some way. That is Joanne. Now it is our turn to bless her. Let's join together to show her family our support and love.

P.S. Special thanks to Holly, Rachel, Marla & Gabe, Dedra and Heather for their help in getting all this set up.

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How You Can Help the Heims:

Financial gifts

Even with the most desired outcome, Joanne's medical and recovery time will be very costly. There is time off of work (Toben), medical bills, etc. Giving financially is one of the most practical things we can do to help them on this long journey ahead.

Click here to give via PayPal:

Or make checks payable to Toben Heim. Mail to: Joanne Heim, c/o Kristen Haufschild, 11004 Grayledge Circle, Highlands Ranch, CO 80130

Prayer

Thousands of people all over the world are praying for Joanne. Please do not cease in lifting Joanne up to the Lord. She needs a miracle. Psalm 46 is the scripture that the Heims are claiming over Joanne. Please read it as a prayer for her.

Click here if you are interested in joining corporate prayer time for Joanne.

Spread the word

Spread the word about Praying for Joanne by displaying her button your blog. Grab the HTML code from the sidebar.

Encouragement

Send cards, letters, pictures, scriptures, prayers, etc. to Joanne. Mail to: Joanne Heim, c/o Kristen Haufschild, 11004 Grayledge Circle, Highlands Ranch, CO 80130

News

Stay updated on Joanne's condition here on her blog and on Twitter via Toben.

Thank you for being a part of her life, her recovery and her blessing.

 

Rollercoaster

Sitting here in Joanne's room.  The lights are very low and all is calm.  It is my favorite time of day at the hospital because it is quiet and feels peaceful.  Joanne is constantly attended to by a nurse (she has her very own) who moves quietly around the room checking on vitals, updating charts, administering medications, drawing blood for lab work, etc.  It is amazing the attention she is getting here.

The only other noises are the ones from the machines that are keeping her alive.  One of them, her ventilator, sounds a little like Darth Vader breathing.  There are other hums, and low buzzes but somehow they are reassuring because I know they are doing for Joanne what she can't do for herself right now. 

An update:

This morning the swelling in Joanne's brain was at a critical level--my understanding is that a normal pressure is below 10.  Her's was at 37. We spent a couple hours with doctors, seeking the counsel.  Obviously we have asked them to exhaust every medical measure that they can and were assured that they have. So what does that look like?

Right now Joanne is in a deep, medical coma as a result of being given high doses of a paralytic.  She actually started the paralytic last night but the nurse told me tonight that sometimes it takes a while for the benefit to kick in--which at this point it appears to be doing.

She has an EEG on her head and it is showing no brain activity.  Strange as sounds it's actually a good thing. We want her brain completely at rest with no stimulation whatsoever.  She is also being "dried out." She is on heavy doses of saline to pull liquid out of her brain and has also been given lasics that should also dry her out. There is a balancing act here because we can completely dehydrate her, but we need to get the excess fluid out of her brain.

Another thing: they are keeping her temperature very low, right around 94 degrees. Again, the cold leads to decreased swelling. Strangely she doesn't feel cold to the touch.

Two great encouragements today: our immediate family are all in absolute and total agreement about Joanne's treatment. This unity is one of my greatest prayers and encouragements.  Joanne's dad was extremely helpful today in bringing clarity to our discussion and was the most clear headed of us all as we talked to a number of doctors.  I think God for dad, mom, and Kristen and can tell you that we are all, in some way or another, holding each other up in this process. To say that I would be utterly lost without them is an gross understatement. Special thanks to Wade (my brother in law) for jumping is with Audrey and Emma so that the family could be together here today and over the last week. He is a constant encouragement to me.

The other good news is that the coma and other measures appear to be working.  Her pressure is down significantly from where it was which is an absolute answer to the prayers of so many of you.  Now we just need to keep that pressure down.

We are in a marathon--this process will not be a short or easy one.  there will continue to be signs of hope and other of utter despair. The prayer is that over time the good stuff starts to outweigh the bad stuff--still waiting for that to happen.

We are on a roller coaster with blindfolds on.  We go up and down and side to side at a dizzying, sickening rate without the ability to anticipate any of it.  

And finally, there are a few dear friends and family that are walking with us. My parents have been a great source of care and encouragement, and there are others who are in that inner circle with us, protecting us, nurturing us, praying for us.  You know who you are and you have to know that what you are doing is a blessing beyond measure.

And then there are all of you who are praying.  I am still in awe when I see the shear numbers on the blog, fb and twitter of people all over the world that are lifting Joanne up.  It is truly overwhelming (in a good way).

Prayer requests:

1. That in God's time Joanne would wake up. It will be impossible to tell the extend of her brain damage until she comes to. I can't tell you how I desire to look into her brown eyes again!

2. Audrey and Emma will be returning to Denver Christian school on Wednesday after having spent the last year and a half in home school.  They are understandably nervous but I have the utmost confidence that they will be received lovingly.  I can't think of a better environment for them.

3. Audrey and Emma are going to have to process through all of this.  At this point they aren;t asking many questions or wanting to talk much at all about what is going on.  The know mom's brain is hurt that she is asleep and that she won't get better for a long, long time.  My prayer is that when they are ready to talk about it that they will feel safe and supported.

Toben

 

Pressure

The swelling on the right side (the stroke side) of Joanne's brain is pushing the left side (the non-stroke side). That's bad. So were are sitting here staring at a blinking number on a monitor. Is if the number goes below 20 that's a good thing.  If it goes above 20, that's a bad thing.  And if it goes over 25 then that's the point at which more significant and invasive measures may have to take place to protect that left hemisphere. 

They are administering a strong paralytic to try and knock her out even further (if that's possible) in an attempt to basically eliminate any brain activity whatsoever. In that state both her conscious and sub-conscious will be on vacation until her pressure comes down and the paralytic is discontinued. 

Prayer: that the paralytic would work, that her pressure would drop and that no more invasive measures need to happen.  For those of you that are inclined, this is the time to pray for a miracle (if you aren't already). 

Toben

 

Swelling

We desperately need the swelling in Joanne's brain to go down. Desperately. I can't go into any more detail.

 

Boxing Gloves

Joanne is wearing white cotton boxing gloves.  There is no other way to describe them.  The nurses are afraid that she will go after some of the many tubes, hoses and wires that are running in and out of her body. She has also put her boxing-gloved right hand to the incision in her head a time or two, getting a little blood on her bright white cotton glove--makes her look like she was in a fight.

And I suppose that she is in a fight.  Keep swinging babe!

 

No News is Good News

Yesterday morning when I showed up at the hospital I was hit with a lot of bad news in a short period of time.  Today when I was driving in I just prayed that there would be no news--not that I wasn't open to hearing good news, just didn't feel like I could take any more bad news after yesterdays barrage.

So right after I got here I go to talk to not one, but three doctors that are working with Joanne.  She had a CT scan this morning and there hasn't been much change other then the fact that her brain continues to swell (which isn't that big a deal since her skull was remove and there is room to swell) and that the right side of her face has swollen quite a bit as well.  There is no inter-cranial bleeding which was a big concern. The doctors actually showed me the CT scan images and were able to point everything out that they were looking at.  The tough part was seeing the dark masses in her right hemisphere that indicate major damage.  But I had seen that yesterday too so wasn't unprepared to see the significant extent of the damage

She is still completely sedated so there ins't an expectation that she will wake up today or tomorrow. Around Saturday I will start to get anxious for her to "wake up." I put it in quotes because none of us are sure what waking up will look like. Apparently getting your eyes open one of the toughest thing for a major stroke victim.  But we will be looking for response to commands, etc..

The big news is that Audrey decided she was ready to see Joanne today--A big decision for a 12 year old.  At first it hit Audrey hard and she needed to go out to the waiting room with Gran sobbing.  But after that you could see her resolve pick up and she wanted to come back in.  Since then she hasn't left Joanne. She decided that she wanted to be the one to pick the music we are playing for Joanne.  She gave her a foot message and held her hand, all the time talking to her. Heartbreaking and beautiful and something no 12 year old should have to deal with.  

Continue to be blown away with support. 46,000 page views to this blog in the last 24 hours. Emails, texts, twitter and FB comments pouring in beyond measure.  It means a lot to the family. We've even had out of state visitors! Michael and Alison flew up from Phoenix yesterday for the afternoon and Christy and her family are on there way.

For those of you in the Denver area: we are significantly reducing who can visit Joanne (family only).  As much as possible she needs a very low stimulus environment for the next 48 hours.  You are welcome to come hang out in the spacious waiting room on the fifth floor, you just won't be able to come back to see J. Just text me when you get here and I'll come out to see you.

Toben

What a day

I can't even remember what I wrote in the last post and am too tired to bother to look.  Let me tell you what is going on at this very minute.  it is 9:06.  The lights are low in Joanne's room.  There are hums and beeps and hissing noises coming from the dozen or so machines that Joanne is attached to.  The other noise: David Crowder playing quietly on her iMac next to her bed.  It is a weird juxtaposition hearing his melodies and heartfelt lyrics mixed with such mechanical utterances from all the machines. 

The gory details: Joanne has in a nasal gastric tube that runs to her stomach through her nose.  She is on a ventilator that goes into her throat to her lungs through her mouth. She has a drain from the incision in her skull that is syphoning off the excess fluids and she has a pressure monitor imbedded in the incision stick out of the top of her head that monitors the swelling in her brain. She has IVs in both arms and a Picc line in that extends directly into her heart. Not to mention the 50 or so staples closing the incision from her "skull-ectomy". In short, the girl has hoses and lines and wires running everywhere! But you know what? She still looks beautiful to me. And she is at rest. 

Michelle is her night nurse.  I think night nurses are heros.  Michelle does everything she can to make Joanne comfortable including repositioning her on the bed so that she doesn't get "bored" of being in the same position all the time. She check vitals, monitors her response capability: "Squeeze my hand Joanne!" Each nurse on the ward only has two patients. She said she's not supposed to play favorites, but she like Joanne the best. 

I love having so many visitors and so much support during the day, but having Joanne all to myself at night is nice.  Being near her calms me a great deal. Hopefully she is aware enough to be calmed by my presence too. I guess that comes with the territory for a couple married just over 19 years.

Here's my thought: not that much has changed in our relationship. She is still here, she is still the love of my life, she is still the one I want to grow old with.  Her inability to talk or respond yet doesn't really change any of that.  

Enough of this writing.  Time to hold hands with my girl.

Toben

 

Setback

As much as I would dearly love to give you a positive update on Joanne's status unfortunately things have deteriorated.  Overnight Joanne began to lose the limited function that she had and she had a seizure.  She was taken to CAT scan first thing this morning and it was determined that her brain was experiencing massive swelling. She was immediately taken to surgery to remove a portion of her skull to relieve the pressure.  

She is in no pain and completely unaware of what is happening.  That is a blessing! We are surrounded by friends and family here at the hospital--I think we have taken over the whole waiting room. 

Prayers:  I don't even know how to articulate anything here. Joanne is literally in a fight for her life. Just pray however you feel lead.

Again you can get regular updates on twitter at tobenheim

Toben

4000 hits today on this blog....we are blown away by your support

Dear Friends,

As many of you know Joanne suffered a major stroke this morning around 9 a.m.  Emma found her on the floor in the basement where she was shaking violently.  I was most of the way to my office in Colorado Springs when Audrey called with the news. We immediately called 911 and I headed for home.  We also called Joanne's mom and she and the ambulance got there about 5 minutes after the calls.

Minutes later I met Joanne and the ambulance at Littleton Adventist.  She was conscious but it was immediately apparent to me that it was a stroke.  She was totally unresponsive on the left side of her body but had some use of her right side and was able to respond to commands.

She was given multiple CAT scans and they were immediately able to see the clot, it's size, and where it was located.  They started drug therapy but determined that they needed to go in with a catheter through an artery and into her brain.  They were able to get to the clot and dissolve some of it restoring some blood flow to the brain.

Now we have to just wait and pray.  She has not woken up yet but is still responding to commands on her right side.  She has not opened her eyes or been able to verbalize anything but she can move her hand and foot on the right side. The next 72 hours will be critical. 

Here are the specific prayer requests:

1. There is a possibility of hemorrhaging in the brain because of the trauma it suffered. If she does hemorrhage that would be a very bad thing, although I haven't got a clear answer as to what exactly that would mean.

2. No swelling of the brain.  If it swells they will have to take significant measures to give her brain the room it needs. That would be a really bad thing too.

3. Tomorrow they will run the catheter again back into her brain to check for blood flow.  Please pray that she is getting the blood flow it needs.

I will be posting updates to my twitter: tobenheim.  Feel free to follow me and I will update frequently. I am totally blown away by the support and prayers that have been pouring in.  Keep it coming! 

With Love and Appreciation,

Toben

P.S. We are claiming Psalms 46 for Joanne.  Would love to have you read and pray over those passages for her.

My fire alarm totally works

I'm sitting here at my cool roll top desk (Mom and Dad didn't have a spot for it, so it came to live at my house. It has little secret drawers and a zillion cubbies. I love it.), listening to the fire crackle and the girls getting bundled up to go out and play in the snow for a while before tackling their afternoon on their own assignments.

The house smells super wood-smoky, which is a nice smell. At least it is now. Earlier this morning? Not so much.

I had such a vision of school by the fireplace in the living room, the girls in the window seat, me in my comfy chair. (We usually do school at the kitchen table and in the family room that joins the breakfast nook.)

So I built a fire.

And the house filled with smoke.

And we opened ALL the doors and the windows.

(Did I mention it was 14 degrees?)

And then we could see our breath in the house.

Until the smoke alarm went off--REALLY REALLY LOUD!--and scared the breath clean out of us.

When the smoke cleared--and we stopped coughing and our eyes stopped burning and stinging and tearing like mad--we shut the house again and stood shivering by the roaring fire.

And then the house filled with smoke again.

And we opened ALL the doors and the windows.

Yep, still 14 degrees.

And we could see our breath in the house.

And then the smoke alarm went off AGAIN. Yep, REALLY REALLY LOUD.

And then I called Toben.

And he asked if I'd opened the flue.

"Of course I opened the flue!" I said. I'm not that dumb.

Except that I am.

Note to self: The flue is open when the little handle thing-y is pulled toward you. It's shut when pushed back.

Now I can search my blog for the keyword "flue" and not do this again. Because let me tell you, cleaning the stone around the fireplace is not going to be much fun.

And we did have a nice morning of school by the fireplace in the living room, girls in the window seat, me in my comfy chair. We just started an hour and a half later than usual.

Oh, and roasted marshmallow s'mores at 3 o'clock for anyone who wants to come over. I have a lovely fire going.

Knowing when to stop

I started putting Christmas stuff away yesterday in the midst of house cleaning. Which means I gather it all together and pile it in a huge mess in the dining room, scattering glitter everywhere. 

It takes a couple of days because as soon as I think I'm done and the last box is shut, there's a little Christmas something I forgot, sticking it's figurative tongue out at me, saying "Neener, neener, you forgot me!"

Do your Christmas decorations do that to you?

Anyway, I didn't make as much progress as I'd hoped. My back has been hurting (did I tell you that? Can't remember!) and while it's on the mend and was feeling lots better, it started aching again yesterday afternoon.

Part of me totally wanted to push through it.

Because there are THINGS TO BE DONE.

See?

Amazingly and uncharacteristically, I grabbed a book, a mug of hot water, sat on the couch with my feet up, and read a book.

Because the truth is, I don't often know when to stop. I don't like leaving things undone and will keep going at the expense of, well, fill in the blank. I don't want to stop till it's done. When the truth is, IT is never done. There is always something else to do. (Sound familiar, self?)

And while I'd like to think that I can handle it, I can organize it, I can get it all done if I just set my mind to it, the truth is that I can't.

Sometimes, I need to stop. Even when it's not all done.

Here's hoping I learn the lesson in such a way that I'll stop before my back starts to hurt.

P.S. Oh, and the tree? That's staying up a while longer yet. Minus the glittery, sparkly stuff. Filled instead with wintery stuff. And soon to be filled with Valentine-y stuff. Who knows? It may stay up all the way till next Christmas. We'll see...

Dear Pioneer Woman, I need your address so my husband can mail you a thank-you note

Yes, my husband wants to write you an actual hand-written thank-you note and put it in the actual mail. The kind with envelopes and stamps.

My husband who has let me handle all the thank-you note writing ever since we got married 19 years ago and received 247 candlesticks, 319 Christmas platters, 462 picture frames, and one really large statue of Santa kneeling before the baby Jesus in his manger.

Yep, that guy.

My mother gave me your cookbook for Christmas and since then, I've made a huge batch of cinnamon rolls (that's when he first asked if he could write you a thank-you note), baked a pan full of comfort meatballs and mashed potatoes ("Now this is COMFORT food!"), and  last night my daughter and I made the potato leek pizza ("This is the best pizza I ever had. Ever.")

Now I'm no kitchen lightweight--in fact I like to cook and cook good food often. But your cookbook is clearly speaking his food language. So thanks from me too--you're making me look like a rock star. And I'll go ahead and be honest and say I pretty much like that.

So as soon as I get your address, keep an eye out in your mailbox. There's a thank-you note coming your way. It'll be the envelope covered with splotches of meatball sauce or finger prints in bacon grease or perhaps a smear maple frosting.

Popcorn showdown

My brother-in-law makes the best popcorn ever. Really. Every bit as good as the movies. And actually even better, because you actually know what's in it.

I love having movie night at their house. Not just because their television is bigger than my king-sized bed, not just because I get to snuggle with a baby, laugh with my niece and nephew, or hang out with my super-cool sister. Yep, those are all good.

But the popcorn? Well, wow.

I've thought that Wade possessed some magical popcorn-making skills, some super-secret pop secret, perhaps a spiritual gift for things kernel.

Until now. Under the tree for me was this:

The Whirly-Pop. The secret of popcorn prowess and perfection.

Now? My popcorn is every bit as good as his. But perhaps we need a showdown to double check. I'll take any excuse to pop some more.

You can get one here.

Living in the pit of "Just Try Harder"

So I've heard lots and lots and lots more about Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream by David Platt. Even had a friend do a huge blog read-along. (Hi Marla!) I didn't participate then for whatever reason, but am reading it now with a group of friends--some I know face to face, some not yet. 

Well, I do know why I didn't participate then. Because the time wasn't right. Just like the time wasn't right to do Loving Well when I won it from Lisa years ago. (Hi Lisa!) Because the time is right for it NOW.

Anyway, I wrote my response for the first two chapters earlier and posted them on the forum we're using. But thought I'd post them here too--just to give you an idea of what the book's about, to tickle your interest.

You can find the book for a great price here. 

I read the first chapter and started the second, then had to pause to let it sink in a bit before continuing. Would I really believe? Would I really obey? Would I make those two choices before I knew what was coming?

Yes. And yes. At least I want my answer to be yes. A resounding yes.

Make me brave, I've been praying. Brave enough to take an honest look at myself in this Radical book, in the Loving Well study as I start Bible study again. Open my eyes to see the truth. Don't let me hide. Strip me bare and clothe me in your Word.

And God is answering. Because pages 31-32 hit me smack in the face:

We live in a land of self-improvement. Certainly there are steps we can take to make ourselves better. So we modify what the gospel says about us...

Haven't you heard of the power of positive thinking? I can become a better me and experience my best life now. That's why God is there--to make that happen. My life is not going right, but God loves me and has a plan to fix my life. I simply need to follow certain steps, think certain things, and check off certain boxes, and then I am good.

I wouldn't have thought this described my thinking, my approach to life. But it's uncomfortably accurate. I live this way. I parent this way. I deal with relationships this way.

And the truth is that it's not working so well. Because all it does is add more to the bottom of the list when I get everything else checked off. I'm never done. I never arrive. Nothing in my own power will ever be able to get to the point of being able to say, "It is finished."

A clean slate. Starting from scratch. I'm beginning 2011 with the notion that I don't know nearly as much as I thought. Don't have a clue about lots of things I thought I had a good grip on.

But gripping tightly is just a fancy way of saying controlling.

So once again, I'm face to face with my old nemesis: Control. But this time, I'm becoming quickly convinced that I can't give it up myself. That there aren't a list of steps to follow to figure it out. This is totally beyond me.

In a nutshell, I'm starting the year with this:

You are radically dependent on God to do something in your life you could never do.

***

Have you read it? What was your "one thing" from reading it?

Yep, love it is

Not that I had any doubts, but Bible study last night confirmed the confirmation that love is the theme for this year.

We're doing Loving Well. Which sums it up right there. I want to learn to love well this year. I want to get to a year from now and look back on 2011 and say with honesty, "I loved well this year."

And the first session of Loving Well just confirmed that. Again. And gave me a clearer picture of what that looks like.

Here are a couple of things I jotted down (not enough room in the journal that goes with the study--need a separate place to take notes!) while watching session 1 last night:

Growing in Christ means growing in love.
Am I getting more loving?
Transformation should be seen most clearly in love.
God measures maturity by how we love.
Am I loving more than I can? Beyond my ability to do so?

And then there was this definition of self-love that cut deep because it's so accurate:

"the undue sparing of self with the primary concern that things be easy or pleasant for oneself"

The journal questions this morning just added to it:

Do I love others better than I did five years ago?
Am I growing in my ability to love others more openly, with more vulnerability?
What marked change or transformation has come about in the way I love?

I must say, it took me a while to answer those questions. I want to be brave enough to be honest, to have the courage to have God reveal to me the actual state of my heart.  

***

Are you starting Bible study again after the Christmas break? What are you doing?

Confirmation

Ever wonder if you're on the right track with your thinking? With the direction you're headed? With the goals or plans you've made?

Me too. But not right now.

Because everything--and I mean EVERYTHING--I have heard and read and seen in the past couple of days has pointed to the fact that this year of love, this new beginning, this change of mind and of heart is underway and moving forward.

I'm a little (okay, a lot) nervous about it. Scared of failure. Excited at the possibility of change, of success. Thrilled that this may just be it.

But certain that this is right for this year. Because coincidence doesn't exist and too many things are pointing in this direction.

Buckle up.

Click Class

So my fabulous sister is a totally fabulous photographer and she's hosting a Click Class at her home here in Denver on April 16. It's a class designed to teach everyday photographers how to really use their cameras and get the most out of them.

Sounds ideal for us bloggy gals, huh?

All the information can be found here. And I'll be there all day too--doing the cooking, helping with favors and decorations and such. And picking up some photography skills on the side.

Wanna come?

We, though, are going to love...

First John 4:19 was the first verse I learned by heart: "We love because he first loved us."

And as I've sat here in the dark this morning by the light of the tree, thinking and journaling and reading and praying about this year that's just begun, God brought it to mind again.

If you've been around here for a while, you know that the girls and I memorize Scripture together every week as part of our Bible curriculum for the Heim School. It's become part of the Memory Monday meme I've done for the past two years.

But after I read Beth Moore's post about the Scripture Memory Team the other day, I felt God prompting me to participate. To memorize just for me. And to memorize verses around the theme of LOVE, the word that God has impressed on my heart to focus on in the upcoming year.

So, all that said, the first verse I'm going to learn this year is the first verse I ever learned--but from The Message this time.

I love the "though" in that first line. It makes it declarative, makes it determined, makes it clear there's a choice involved.

Oh, and not sure I mentioned this before, but Bible study starts again on Monday. We're going to be doing Loving Well. Coincidence? Not likely.