I can't even remember what I wrote in the last post and am too tired to bother to look. Let me tell you what is going on at this very minute. it is 9:06. The lights are low in Joanne's room. There are hums and beeps and hissing noises coming from the dozen or so machines that Joanne is attached to. The other noise: David Crowder playing quietly on her iMac next to her bed. It is a weird juxtaposition hearing his melodies and heartfelt lyrics mixed with such mechanical utterances from all the machines.
The gory details: Joanne has in a nasal gastric tube that runs to her stomach through her nose. She is on a ventilator that goes into her throat to her lungs through her mouth. She has a drain from the incision in her skull that is syphoning off the excess fluids and she has a pressure monitor imbedded in the incision stick out of the top of her head that monitors the swelling in her brain. She has IVs in both arms and a Picc line in that extends directly into her heart. Not to mention the 50 or so staples closing the incision from her "skull-ectomy". In short, the girl has hoses and lines and wires running everywhere! But you know what? She still looks beautiful to me. And she is at rest.
Michelle is her night nurse. I think night nurses are heros. Michelle does everything she can to make Joanne comfortable including repositioning her on the bed so that she doesn't get "bored" of being in the same position all the time. She check vitals, monitors her response capability: "Squeeze my hand Joanne!" Each nurse on the ward only has two patients. She said she's not supposed to play favorites, but she like Joanne the best.
I love having so many visitors and so much support during the day, but having Joanne all to myself at night is nice. Being near her calms me a great deal. Hopefully she is aware enough to be calmed by my presence too. I guess that comes with the territory for a couple married just over 19 years.
Here's my thought: not that much has changed in our relationship. She is still here, she is still the love of my life, she is still the one I want to grow old with. Her inability to talk or respond yet doesn't really change any of that.
Enough of this writing. Time to hold hands with my girl.
Toben
I've sat in your seat Toben. You know how God says nothing is impossible for Him? Nothing IS impossible for Him. Since He's no respecter of persons I've asked Him to heal Joanne like He healed my Tony years ago. Miraculous... but so easy for the One who made her. Hold Joanne's hand and hold His too. Life's flowing.
Posted by: Colleen Foshee | January 13, 2011 at 08:11 AM
Toben...it warms my heart to hear a man speak such intimate and honest words about his wife. Your words are full of your deep love for your special girl. I'm just amazed. I don't know too many men who speak that way about their wives. I am praying for your precious wife and will continue to each day. Thank you for keeping us updated on how she is.
In Christ,
Bethany (CA)
Posted by: Bethany | January 13, 2011 at 08:13 AM
Thank you for taking the time to update us. I checked anywhere and everywhere last night for updates, just to know you all were okay, and indeed, God has scooped you all up into His tender embrace and is caring for you all perfectly.
Prayers are being continually lifted for your entire family. God bless you all.
Posted by: JLI | January 13, 2011 at 08:13 AM
Beautiful Toben, thank you for sharing. We are praying for Joanne and for you and the girls. Her light is shining brightly.
Posted by: Allison Johnson | January 13, 2011 at 08:23 AM
I don't know either of you and you don't know me but I heard about your situation through Beth Moore's Living Proof blog. I just want you to know that as your sister in Christ, I am lifting you, Joanne and your family up in prayer! May God's peace surround you and comfort you through this valley!
Posted by: Lindsey | January 13, 2011 at 08:24 AM
Toben, You have touched me beyond words with this post. You don't know me from anybody. I found out about your beautiful bride through the LPM blog and I have been coming here for updates. I just wanted you, Joanne and your family to know that I am praying for all of you...along with so many others.
Sharon, Mi
Posted by: Sharon | January 13, 2011 at 08:37 AM
Your updates are such a gift to those of us who are watching and praying over Joanne and all of you. Asking and believing JESUS on your behalf.
The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry...He is our refuge and strength,an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear...
Ps 34:15, Ps 46:1-2
Posted by: Renee Swope | January 13, 2011 at 08:45 AM
I don't even know you, I have never met your wife, but I read her blog regularly. I am heartbroken for her and your family and am praying for her healing.
Posted by: Paula | January 13, 2011 at 08:49 AM
Praying God will continue to Bless your family. A wonderful love story. Your love for each other, & God's love for you.
Posted by: Kym | January 13, 2011 at 08:49 AM
Wake up praying, go to bed praying and praying throughout the day. He is with you. Believing and trusting for complete healing.
Posted by: Kimberly | January 13, 2011 at 08:59 AM
I heard of your story from Angie Smith & I wanted to let you know I am on my knees praying. My 2 year old daughter is a living testament to the power of prayer (we should have lost her in June...the Doctors have no idea why or how she survived. I do.) I will continue to lift your family up. God speed.
Posted by: Karrie | January 13, 2011 at 08:59 AM
Toben, you are standing in a place where few men stand in this life, and you are shining for Jesus. Praise God for the leadership and wisdom you showed in moving your family back "home" to Colorado for such a time as this. Jesus has everything in His divine control and you will see impossible things become possible. Now you are radically dependent on God to do something in your life you could never do. What is amazing, you are not just doing this for you, but you are being surrounded by a great cloud of heavenly witnesses, cheering you on to stand in faith and believe God on your beloved Joannes account and then see supernatural miracles result. Prayers are going up to heaven's throne, even as beacons of light...from all around the globe on behalf of her healing and your need for your lover, wife, mother of your children to be made whole again. Believing God with you and the company of others.
Posted by: Pam Houston | January 13, 2011 at 09:01 AM
Tears...and continued prayers.
Posted by: Lora | January 13, 2011 at 09:05 AM
Toben,
Mark,the boys, and I are lifting you all in prayer- and praying for Joanne's healing.
Lori, Mark, Mitch, and Luke White
Posted by: Lori | January 13, 2011 at 09:06 AM
You don't know me, and I don't know all of you other than the little bit I've read from this blog, but I'm praying fervently for Joanne and all of you. My heart physically hurts for what you are going through. I do love how God can use technology to bring together thousands of people in prayer for someone we do not know!! Anne (in South Dakota)
Posted by: Anne Roisum | January 13, 2011 at 09:08 AM
I had never seen your wifes blog until yesterday from another blogger. Her words are beautiful as are yours speaking about her. My prayers are with you, Joanne, your children, and the physicians and nurses. Hang in there many are praying.
Tracy
Posted by: Tracy Stoffell | January 13, 2011 at 09:10 AM
Have been and will continue to be praying for you all! Praying God grants all of you His perfect peace (Isa 26:3) in the midst of all that is going on!!
Posted by: Katie | January 13, 2011 at 09:12 AM
What a testament to the love you two share and the faith you both have in our Lord. Will continue to keep you both in our prayers.
Posted by: Michelle | January 13, 2011 at 09:12 AM
There is so much flying around in my mind to say to you,BUT, the best thing I can say to you is hold on, HOLD ON TO HER, AND HOLD ON TO HIM. PRAYING DAILY for you ALL!
Posted by: Sharon | January 13, 2011 at 09:18 AM
We are praying for all of you in Kennesaw, GA. XO!
Posted by: Dina @ 4 Lettre Words | January 13, 2011 at 09:21 AM
Just beautiful.
Prayers ascending for you all around the clock and around the country.
Posted by: Wired Whimsy | January 13, 2011 at 09:30 AM
God is at work Toben. He's sending answers. Watch for them.
Posted by: Colleen Foshee | January 13, 2011 at 09:30 AM
I came here in response to all of the Twitter references. Last year I witnessed several healings that followed the outpouring of prayer via the internet's world-wide social connection. I absolutely believe that God hears us and answers. You and your family are in my prayers.
Posted by: Fran | January 13, 2011 at 09:30 AM
I'm a friend of Marla's and am over here from her blog. My prayers are with you both.
Posted by: Kathi Lipp | January 13, 2011 at 09:41 AM
Praying for your sweet wife! Your post touched my heart as my sweet husband is enduring the rages of Early onset Alzheimer's at age 46. And I so agree with how you said -"She is still here, she is still the love of my life, she is still the one I want to grow old with. Her inability to talk or respond yet doesn't really change any of that." I so understand that statement!!
Posted by: Sandy @ Jesus and Dark Choc | January 13, 2011 at 09:41 AM
O Heavenly Father, Please be everything to Joanne that she has need of you to be right now. In the mighty name of Jesus,
Amen.
(from a fellow siesta in Christ)
Posted by: Janet Cline ("JayCee") | January 13, 2011 at 09:46 AM
Toben, 'just heard. We're devastated, but filled with hope in every direction. 'Will be praying continually. Caress her for us. Bill and Bonnie
Posted by: Bill Robinson | January 13, 2011 at 09:47 AM
Toben, my name is Lenora and Dedra Herod is my nephew's wife. I learned about Joanne's illness from Dedra's Facebook postings. I just wanted you to know that I am praying for her and will ask my friends to do the same. Recently we saw God do a true miracle in a man from our church family. We are trusting God to do the same for your dear wife. Your posting was beautiful and full of love for her. May God continue to give you strength.
Posted by: Lenora Novak | January 13, 2011 at 10:02 AM
So touching & tender - a prayer in it's own rights.
Thank you for the gory and the glory. In the midst of this trauma love burns bright, and that sure packs a powerful whallop.
Praying ...
Kathleen
Posted by: Kathleen Flanagan | January 13, 2011 at 10:03 AM
God is pressing your precious family on my heart constantly...day and night. We are praying with all faith in the One Who Heals, asking for miracles.
Posted by: Joy | January 13, 2011 at 10:09 AM
Toben,
In-Kyung and I have just heard the news.
We will be in prayer for you and Joanne.
We want to visit you guys asap.
Lord! Please have your mercy upon Joanne and her family!
In-Kyung and Sung Wook
Posted by: Sung Wook Chung | January 13, 2011 at 10:10 AM
Prayers for Joanne - healing, strength, swelling to stop, 100% recovery, that God's power would infuse every cell of her body and brain
Prayers for Toben - strength, faith, clarity, wisdom, stamina
Prayers for your family - comfort, grace, faith and peace
My thoughts are prayers are with you all today.
Rachel Anne
Posted by: Rachel Anne Ridge | January 13, 2011 at 10:10 AM
praying for you...that last paragraph took my breath away...
Posted by: libby @ ninesandquines | January 13, 2011 at 10:11 AM
Praying for your beautiful wife! The Lord is with you and will walk every step of this journey with you! He is a God of miralces! Stay stong!
Plsam 91:4
He will cover you with His feathers and unders His wings you will find refuge. His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
Posted by: jeannie fuller | January 13, 2011 at 10:12 AM
Many, many prayers!
Posted by: Your Retail Helper | January 13, 2011 at 10:14 AM
Toben,
That was a beautiful picture of your love for your bride!!
Thank you for the update.
We are praying unceasingly and
believing God to heal sweet
Joanne!
Posted by: Kim | January 13, 2011 at 10:22 AM
Praying for Joanne, you & your family. Keep believing, hoping & enduring!
1 Corinthians 13:7 "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
Posted by: Lisa | January 13, 2011 at 10:37 AM
In tears also - just total shock... I just saw her posts on FB the other day about the smoke filling the house - and now this. Joanne, the girls and you Toben - are in my prayers. Just from reading her blog for the past couple of years - I feel as if I know all of you... Many prayers.
Kristy
Posted by: Kristy | January 13, 2011 at 10:39 AM
I just love how you love her. Beautiful.
Posted by: Transparent Mama | January 13, 2011 at 10:49 AM
oh Jesus. please breathe on this family.
Posted by: virginia | January 13, 2011 at 10:50 AM
Praying for you and Joanne. Heard from a friend and am thankful for the body of Christ that can lift up these needs to our Father.
Posted by: Annie | January 13, 2011 at 11:01 AM
What a beautiful love...I have been praying. Joanne and your family have been on my mind and heart.
Posted by: julie | January 13, 2011 at 11:14 AM
Wow, Toben. I was directed to The Simple Wife for the first time today from justachick.com, and Joanne's story has touched me. I am not the prayin' kind, but I will be praying for your sweet wife. All my thoughts are with you.
Posted by: Meghan | January 13, 2011 at 11:15 AM
lifting your beautiful girl up in prayer
together with you and
your darling children.
with love,
kolleen
Posted by: kolleen | January 13, 2011 at 11:24 AM
Prayers from NC.
Posted by: Phyllis | January 13, 2011 at 11:24 AM
Praying, Praying, Praying - God is the Great Physician!! And Healer!!! And Strength!!
Posted by: Diane | January 13, 2011 at 11:26 AM
I can't begin to tell you how many times the Holy Spirit puts you all on my heart... even throughout the night. Praying and will continue to pray for Joanne and your precious family! You all are loved!
Emmy, from Georgia
Posted by: Emmy | January 13, 2011 at 11:26 AM
Found your blog via a friend's post on FB. We live in Woodland Park, just west of Co Springs. Praying for your family, and trusting that Joanne is resting in the perfect hands of our Healer.
Posted by: Abby | January 13, 2011 at 11:32 AM
Toben, Just read through some of Joanne's past posts and this one hit me hard:
"In a nutshell, I'm starting the year with this:
You are radically dependent on God to do something in your life you could never do."
Praying this prayer with and for Joanne and for all of you. Thank you for sharing this journey with us.
Posted by: Shelley Hendrix | January 13, 2011 at 11:38 AM
That was beautiful and I'm sure she knows you're there, supporting her. Still praying for all of you:)
Posted by: Victoria | January 13, 2011 at 11:43 AM
Dear Friend,
Someone asked for prayer for your precious wife on my blog. I am praying for a miracle.
I have been where you are now. Unless someone has been there, it is impossible to imagine what you are going through. Your words made me have a flashback to where we were almost three years ago: http://katherineawolf.blogspot.com/2008/04/bruised-reed.html
Miracles still happen. Our family has experienced one. Although I doubt you have the time or energy to even read these comments right now, please feel free to read our family's story at some point in the future if it will encourage you. http://www.katherinewolf.info
The point is this: You are not alone. Don't give up hope. The prayers of God's people are beseeching heaven on behalf of your wife and family.
Hold fast to Him who holds fast to you, even when the darkness seems to obscure the light.
Let us know if we can be of any help.
Posted by: Kim Arnold | January 13, 2011 at 11:52 AM
We are praying for you and your family during this time.
Love from Virginia!
The Burtons
Posted by: Becky B | January 13, 2011 at 12:11 PM
Prayers for your family!
Posted by: Caitlin | January 13, 2011 at 12:14 PM
Toben, your words and the love for your wife brings me to tears! May the Lord continue to give you strength and peace!
Hollie
Posted by: Groovewoman | January 13, 2011 at 12:40 PM
We are praying in Milwaukee, Wisconsin for your sweet wife and your family. God Bless You.
Posted by: Julie | January 13, 2011 at 12:45 PM
Prayers are with you now. My mother (also JoAnne) suffered from a major stroke a few years ago - when the right artery going into her brain dissected and bled. I remember in raw detail the hours and days following her surgery when she was very much in the state you describe now. Know this - she is not in pain. She is unaware. And when she wakes up - she won't remember. My mom is doing remarkably well - with loads of hard work and therapy. And the hand of God.
My prayers are for rapid healing for your Joanne, and peace to you and your daughters.
Posted by: Kristen | January 13, 2011 at 12:56 PM
I remember when my husband was on hospice, or in the hospital, the time around 10:00 was my favorite. The time when everyone was gone, and he was sleeping. I would just hold his hand and read Scripture or read through the cards people had sent us or the messages on our CarePage. It is a quietly peaceful time - savor it!
Praying for your family!
Posted by: Jess | January 13, 2011 at 12:57 PM
I only just found out about this and prayed immediately - and will keep doing so. Stay strong x
Posted by: tanya | January 13, 2011 at 01:14 PM
Toben,
I read this post last night just after you posted it but was unable to leave a comment as my phone was acting up.
Such a beautiful and tender post.
How did you do that? We want to offer you comfort, hope and peace and you provided that for us and such a vivid reminder of the faithful love between a couple.
Continuing to pray for all things that concern you all.
Helen
Posted by: Helen at A Work of Heart | January 13, 2011 at 01:43 PM
Good grief, Toben. That was priceless. You are a wonderful husband.
Posted by: Cindy Beall | January 13, 2011 at 04:27 PM
Oh and I said "good grief" because tears are filling my eyes.
Posted by: Cindy Beall | January 13, 2011 at 04:27 PM
Toben, Joanne, Audrey and Emma..we are praying for you here in CA. Much love and our thoughts are with you. - The Smith's (from the VOD :) - Katherine, Aaron, Magdalena & Celeste
Posted by: Katherine | January 13, 2011 at 04:42 PM
Very touching, you can feel the love between the two of you in your words....I pray for the best.
Posted by: Michelle | January 13, 2011 at 04:46 PM
Toben,
Praying for you all! Please give Joanne and your beautiful girls a XO for me. Take one second at a time my friend....hold that hand tight...believe me when I say that she can hear you and feel you!!! Praying grace for the moment. Love you all so much!!!!
Kathy Spykstra
Posted by: Kathy Spykstra | January 13, 2011 at 06:58 PM
I am a new visitor to this blog--actually since the day of your wife's stroke. I am her age and homeschool two kids too...and my husband had a traumatic brain injury in an accident 10 years ago.
He went through all the same things--having his skull removed, had the lines coming out of everywhere--the ICP monitor, the swelling over his eyes, nose and ears so much so that you couldn't see they were there--the drains, the seizures, the damage all over his brain--etc..
He was in a medically induced coma for about 3 weeks and when he first woke he couldn't do a whole lot other than demonstrate with facial expressions that he remembered me. But that was all I needed to persevere with him through it and I was so grateful that the Lord blessed me with that.
It took about 3 months for him to start talking, swallowing, walking--the basic stuff, and it took a couple years for everything to mentally fall into place so to speak.
I tell you this only because his recovery is nothing short of a miracle. He recovered about 98% of who he was before the injury, though it took years and years for it to all slowly come back.
His doctors held little hope that he would regain enough of his skills to be functional and productive in life. They didnt think he'd be able to speak or understand what was being said to him.
He is now the lead customer care guy for a major American home builder!
He's doing the very thing they said he would never be able to do and he's REALLY GOOD at it!
We believe in and are loved by a mighty God who can do infinitely more than we could ever ask or imagine...He has your wife and you in the palm of His hand and will take each step with you throughout this dreadful ordeal.
I feel your pain...I can remember how I felt..the sights...the smells...the noises...all of it.
I carry it with me all the time but it serves as a reminder of how great and how powerful our God is because what He accomplished in my husband was beyond our wildest dreams!
I hope with all my heart that your wife is blessed with the type of healing my husband experienced. I hope so much that you both will make it through this and grow old together all while telling everyone about what the Lord did for you both.
God bless you and know that I will be praying from afar!
In Christ,
Carla
(http://mastomama.blogspot.com/)
(http://mastomamamakeovers.blogspot.com/)
tccgorecki@cox.net
Posted by: Carla | January 13, 2011 at 11:41 PM
Praying...I found out about your story through Diane Cunningham and Melissa on the LPM blog. I am praying for a miracle for your sweet wife and for your family.
Posted by: Cindie | January 14, 2011 at 06:52 PM
We will be praying for your wife and your family. We had a similar situation, our baby was hospitalized for almost three months and God brought him back from death. We experienced the power of praying.
Posted by: Irma Guzman | January 14, 2011 at 07:44 PM
Prayers and good wishes from MA. You have a strong family and God will take care of you.
Posted by: Ann | January 14, 2011 at 11:00 PM
Dear Heim Family,
We are "praying without ceasing" for all of you! Our family had a similiar experience 7 years ago when my then 13 year old niece, Jenn, suffered a stroke while in Breckenridge with friends. They transported her immediately by "Flight for Life" to Denver's Children's Hospital. The pilot and the doctors did not expect Jenn to live! They told her parents that if for some miraculous reason she made it, they didn't believe that she would ever walk or talk again. Jennifer, known as the "Miracle Child" at Children's Hospital, had to relearn everything! Although, much of her brain is dead, she is an "above average" intelligent young woman. She has been a spokesperson for the American Heart and Stroke Assosiation for several years. The fundraising in Denver has increasd dramatically since she began sharing her story. Two years ago, Jenn was awarded the "Volunteer of the Year" award from the AHSA. Your girls may have been at Denver Christian when Jennifer came and spoke to the students during our "Jump Rope for Heart" fundraiser. The kids were very moved by her testimony and more than doubled the funds they raised that year from the previous one and that has continued each year! Please do not lose hope, even when the doctor's do so. My son prayed last night that your family would have a "Miracle Child" just like our family has with Jenn. Joanne is indeed a precious child of God. Our Almighty God loves her more than any could imagine! Dear Lord, please, please heal Joanne so she too can be your "Miracle Child"!
In His Grip,
Necole Fellows and family
Posted by: Necole Fellows | January 15, 2011 at 10:20 AM
its no wonder that your wife would be the night nurses favorite, shes Gods favorite too. :)
praying for strength in such a difficult time. though it may be hard to see, there is light. speak Gods truth and love over her. her spirit is still very much alive and well, regardless of what her outer body may show... feed her spirit!!! God is good, and HE IS MIGHTY TO SAVE!!! we love you.
Posted by: Deebo E | January 17, 2011 at 09:07 AM
I know she knows you're there.
Prayers & blessings from Ohio...Kim<><
Posted by: Kim W | January 18, 2011 at 09:22 AM