This late afternoon and evening I have had Joanne all to myself. I needed this. I like having friends and family around for sure, but sometimes it is nice to just sit and hold hands for a little bit in the quiet--a quiet aided by the fact that it is evening and a weekend so the activity on this floor of the hospital is at a minimum. A nurse or respiratory therapist drops in from time to time just to make sure everything is OK but other then that, we are left alone.
I have been holding Joanne's right hand for the last little bit and have been fixated by it. Her right hand is the one with which she communicates. She can give thumbs up and thumbs down. She can squeezes the hand she's holding and can wave hello and goodbye. She can make the "I love you" sign and can say "yes" and "no" in sign language. She can count on that hand. She uses it to scratch her nose or her ear. And occasionally it goes on an exploratory mission to the scar on her head or the trach at her throat as if she is curious to see what's is really gong on there.
She posses great power in her right hand. A month ago it was one small part of a fully animated person. Today it is the most animated part of a less responsive person. It is powerful because it is doing all the talking for her right now. It is powerful because it gives us all a lift, gives us assurance that she can hear, that is with us. It let's us know that even though her eyes may be closed, she is still listening and able to respond.
I have never had much reason to really study Joanne's hand. To really study it.We've been holding hands for the better part of 20 years, but I never really examined it very closely. It is a slender hand, with long, thin fingers. It is cool and dry to the touch. Her nails are currently unpainted--something we may have to remedy next time Gran or Audrey or one of her other BFFs are here. Her hand feels almost fragile, elegant, vulnerable.
But right now it is the most powerful part of her body. It is the part that communicates life, love, and hope.
Prayer requests:
1. Please pray that Joanne would rest well tonight. She is coughing quite a bit and needs to be suctioned frequently through her trach to clear her airway. Please pray that nurses and respiratory therapist stay on top of this and keep her breathing easily tonight.
2. Praise God for family. The whole lot of us got to be with Joanne for some part of her day today. I can't imagine what this would be like with out the Friedenstein/Haufschild/Heim clan around to love and support her (and me). What a gift and blessing from God!
3. There are at least 50 other patients in this hospital, most of whom are in pretty bad shape (otherwise they wouldn't be in LTAC). Some are in worse shape then Joanne. It strikes me that probably some of them don't have anyone to pray for them. If you could lift up the others who suffer here that would be a blessing to many.
Toben
Love that you are noticing the ones around you, who need prayer....that tenders my heart so much. Praying for them...for you and Joanne. My heart is full. Love you all much--each Friedenstein, Haufschild and Heim.
Posted by: Holly Smith | February 05, 2011 at 06:16 PM
Made me cry to think that there is no one praying or the others who are there. I will spend time tonight praying for all who are in the LTAC with Joanne. I will pray that Joanne rests well tonight. I will continue to pray for you, Emma and Audrey too. Isaiah and Noah have been asking about your girls and praying for them by name every morning on the way to school.
Blessings to you all,
Julie Hoagland - Seattle, WA
Posted by: Julie Hoagland | February 05, 2011 at 06:24 PM
Praying alongside you. I can't imagine going through serious situations like this without the Lord. It's tough enough when you have Him to lean on... can you imagine what it's like for people who don't have that hope? Praying with you... and for you.
Posted by: Heather Clement | February 05, 2011 at 06:28 PM
I know she is in the best Hands. Love this post about hands. God's Right Hand grips all of you. Mighty mighty.
Holy Father who has us in His Grip, give Joanne sweet rest tonight. Restore her bruised body as she sleeps soundly. Let no distractions enter this space. Thank You for Sabbath sleep for Joanne. I thank You for the great cloud of loved ones surrounding Joanne. Real love displayed. Not like the world gives. Each person looking after Joanne and her sweet family. No attention hog. Just a sweetness of climbing a mountain of impossible feat, linked together by the strongest Cord, and reaching back with a helping hand to get everyone up to the top. No turning back. Eyes on Christ. Father, I pray for all of the patients at this facility. Your Presence is there with Joanne. Walk through this facility healing and restoring. Ignite love. Set hearts on fire for the power of God in Christ Jesus. Spirit work supernaturally in the lives of those who are in need of the touch of the Master, Jesus Christ. Let Him be glorified. In Jesus name. Amen.
Posted by: twinkle | February 05, 2011 at 06:29 PM
Oh Toben...
Thank you for reminding us to pray for them all. Praying over sweet Jo tonight and that she be given good rest and clear breathing. Absolutely love you all. Praying for all of you!
((hugs))
Posted by: Fran | February 05, 2011 at 06:31 PM
I've been following your posts through Reminisce, but haven't commented until today. This post about you studying Joanne's hand is so sweet.We tend to take things like that for granted.
Everyday I'm encouraged when I read your posts about her improving condition. And I pray for her and your family.
Dianna
www.thesedaysofmine.com
Posted by: Dianna | February 05, 2011 at 06:32 PM
You are such an amazing extension of your lovely wife. I can imagine that if she were speaking today through this blog she would ask us to think and pray for the others down the hall. Thank you for keeping this blog updated as my days are spent praying for your family these updates do give me hope that my prayers are heard. We should be offering you hope and encouragment but you are actually giving it to us. All I can offer are my thoughts and prayers. I can't imagine how you're doing it everyday Toben but keep it up. We are all rooting for your family! Much love from Texas, Andrea
Posted by: Andrea | February 05, 2011 at 06:32 PM
Toben,
Not sure if you remember me, but your family was such a special part of our lives when our family was so new. I remember time spent laughing and learning together in Ginny Witty's birth class, and many subsequent evenings spent talking about the path of parenthood and life. Joanne has remained close to my heart for so long now. I recently learned of her stroke: intense feelings of sadness and hope intertwined in near constant thought and prayer...for each of you. I am holding you and your sweet family close right now. You are never far from my imagination. Sending radiant love to Joanne and to you and the girls.
Love and Light,
Jessica Gilliam (Rob, Maya and Izzy, too!)
Posted by: Jessica Gilliam | February 05, 2011 at 06:48 PM
Continuing to pray for Joanne and your family. Thanks for the prayer requests. I will lift them up. Thank you for also looking out for the needs of those around you. You continue to be a blessing. Jesus loves you.
Posted by: Kerry | February 05, 2011 at 06:52 PM
My prayers are being sent to you, Joanne, the girls, the family and all the other patients as well.
Blessings to God in the highest!
Posted by: Maribeth | February 05, 2011 at 06:55 PM
praying for Jo tonight and for the other patients there with her.
What a tender and precious post, Toben.
Stephanie
Posted by: OceanMommy | February 05, 2011 at 06:55 PM
Praying with you and for you brother. That was the sweetest and most precious thing I could have read today. Just think...both of your hands are being held by His hand...and he is rocking both of you in it.
Much love....MANY prayers,
Jen Bartlett
Posted by: Wife of Rob | February 05, 2011 at 06:58 PM
Reaching out to the heart of God with my prayers tonight for all those in the LTAC.
Still praying in the Smokey Mountains of North Carolina.
Posted by: Sharon Brumfield | February 05, 2011 at 07:00 PM
Hi tobin~
I have been praying for joanne since the beginning of this journey you've been navigating so faithfully...I live in minnesota and heard about joanne through the lpm blog. I just wanted to share that I was talking to my sister who lives in rochester mn yesterday...she started talking about a woman who had a stroke, and how she has been praying and reading updates and has been so moved by the faith of this woman's family...and I said...that is the same woman I have been praying for...how did you hear about joanne? She told me she heard three different ways all on the same day. I know you have heard stories like this, but thought one more wouldn' hurt :) your wife is being LIFTED!!!!!! I am SO thankful and in awe of how God is working through your story.
Glory!!!!
Traci
Posted by: traci | February 05, 2011 at 07:01 PM
Hi to the Heim family
As i read your updates on Joanne I am so encourage you are truly a man of God loving your family and staying by your wife side I thank God for your faithfulness stay strong Toben I am praying for you and yours and when you ask to pray for the others in LTAC that touched my heart also I will be praying, I cannot imagne doing life with out God and having no one to pray with or for those others patients. Thank you Toben for all your updates and thank you for encouraging us along the way and to help us to take notice of the simple things in life and to stop and smell the roses. Will be praying that Joanne will get much rest tonight and that her cough would go away and she would rest.
Carol
Posted by: Carol | February 05, 2011 at 07:19 PM
Toben,
I don't know what you do for your profession, but you write beautifully. I feel like I just read a love letter from you to Joanne... Praying for your family...
Blessings,
Kim
Posted by: To Know Him | February 05, 2011 at 07:26 PM
I am continuing to pray for you and your family. And now for those around you as well. Thank you for keeping us updated on how best to pray.
Posted by: Cindy Moses | February 05, 2011 at 07:27 PM
Sweet prayers for you, Joanne and all of the patients where you are! I pray God's blessings on all of you and full recovery for your precious Joanne! Hugs from Georgia!
Posted by: Theresa Roach | February 05, 2011 at 07:28 PM
beautiful post, Toben.
Posted by: noell | February 05, 2011 at 07:29 PM
What a wonderful day to be inside and quiet. The snow is like a huge blanket around us and seems to create a peace.
I try to remember my coma and how much I heard, but I know that everyone spoke to me (my family even put the phone to my ear so friends and others far away could share good wishes with me). It's something I know I heard on some level!
My prayers continue for you, the girls and Joanne. The Lord continues to hear her lifted up all over the world! What an amazing thing love and prayer is.
Give that tender hand a squeeze for all of us!
Posted by: Jerri G...Catersavvy on Twitter | February 05, 2011 at 07:36 PM
Not a day goes by that I don't think of The Heims graced by a very Good God. Be touched that God is bringing many to carry J on a mat to Him ~ Luke 5:18. God-Alive-Sees-You sitting there holding hands in your wilderness ~ Genesis 16:13. He knows your frame this weekend ~ Psalm 103:14. Toben, you write with no pretentions and with a childlike faith. May He fan the flame of your faith this February ~ 2 Tim. 1:6. Good Dreams!
Posted by: Bev Brandon @ The Fray | February 05, 2011 at 07:39 PM
We are still praying here in Oklahoma. Thank you Father for allowing us to be a part of Your plan. Toben, your posts are great to read about the progress that Joanne is going through and the open requests you and your family have in each moment. I loved the moments my husband and I had together during my time at the hospital. The nurses left us alone at night minus when shift changed or needed some of my vitals. Enjoy them, spending time together and with the Lord. There are so many that do not get to spend time or do not have many family. Thank you for spreading God's love!!
Posted by: Sara G | February 05, 2011 at 07:55 PM
You are a good husband, never doubt that. In life, there are times when life demands that we step up to the plate and dig deep. This is your time, and you are doing just that...beautifully!
Posted by: karla | February 05, 2011 at 07:59 PM
Precious post. She's in good hands...Yours and HIS! And such a tender heart to care for those around you. Bless you.
Posted by: Melana Cummings | February 05, 2011 at 08:02 PM
Toben,
As I spent every moment with my mom after her massive stroke, I also held and concentrated on her right hand. Her left hand didn't know I was there so I always held her right one. One day, this PRECIOUS verse came to life, so I pass it on to you...
Isaiah 41:13~ "For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your RIGHT HAND and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."
Toben, no sweeter reminder of God's compassion exists to me. I've resigned myself to the fact that tears will always well up as I read those perfect words. May they comfort you right now as well. You're both secure in His hand.
Much grace and encouragement to you,
Margie Smallman
Posted by: Margie Smallman | February 05, 2011 at 08:24 PM
profoundly grateful to know you & joanne if only thru the internet. I know it may sound strange, but these posts are such a blessing to me. thank you. continuing to pray for all of you in fl.
Posted by: ginger morris | February 05, 2011 at 08:44 PM
Joanne, We took today as a Sabbath. We spent the day in the Word and prayer and song to Him.
It was truly a day of rest. I thought a lot about you and your sweet family. My prayers continue for each of you.
Posted by: Patti in Craig | February 05, 2011 at 09:07 PM
Your post provided an answer to a prayer question of mine about prayer....what a wonder?!!!
So, thank you to you.
I will pray for all those facing challenges in rehabilitiona and acute care facilities and their families, and of course, specifically for Joanne.
Forgive another intrusion, but would your girls consider bringing a favorite book/story in when visiting Joanne and reading to her? It might be a gift for all and give the girls a feeling of giving to their mom.
Posted by: merlin | February 05, 2011 at 09:15 PM
What a beautifully written post! Continuing to pray for each of you.
Posted by: Betsy | February 05, 2011 at 09:55 PM
Beautiful post! Really made me remember to take a step back and really look and appreciate everything going on around me
Posted by: tara | February 05, 2011 at 10:45 PM
Thank you for all your updates. I read them eagerly, over here in Switzerland. Even though we don't "know" one another, the family of God is very wide-spread!! Your thoughts on Joanne's hand are precious; thanks for sharing. I will continue to pray, and also lift up the others at the facility. God bless. Susan, Zurich
Posted by: Susan | February 05, 2011 at 11:02 PM
I was awakened just now with thoughts of Joanne.. I had to get up out of the bed and come see your blog to read the updates I've missed the last few days. Wow!!! I must say I know that God is working miracles right now.. My prayers continue for your family and Joanne is a living, breathing miracle..
Posted by: Lifetimeoftlc.blogspot.com | February 06, 2011 at 03:05 AM
We are still praying for Joanne and your family, Toben! We will continue to lift you guys up and seek the healing of our faithful, and all powerful, Father!
Posted by: Kristi Walker | February 06, 2011 at 05:33 AM
Hugs for Emma, and prayers for peace. Jesus loves you sweet Emma.
(((((Emma)))))
Posted by: Rachel B | February 06, 2011 at 06:01 AM
Toben, When my mom was in a Hospice, it also hit me that some people are there with no one to lift them and their concerns in prayer. So, while my family asks about Joanne every day and we pray for Joanne, you, and the girls, everyday; we will now add the other patients at the LTAC. Have a peaceful sabbath.
Peace,
Kim Feth
Apex, NC
Posted by: Kim Feth | February 06, 2011 at 06:58 AM
Sometimes the "after" of a big event like that is more difficult to deal with and process than the event itself. I pray that God gives you courage to stay the course and that He continues to heal her. I also pray that God wouldl reach out and heal the others there with her, not only with health, but with a sense of knowing that they're not alone...that God is very, very near indeed.
Posted by: Alicia | February 06, 2011 at 09:39 AM
Went to bed last night thinking on this post....thinking about hands. Thank you for the ministry you are giving to so many others through your post. Today, as I came back, I was struck with the beautiful gift you are giving your wife. When she reads the words one day, that you have written, she will be so blessed to see how much love and tenderness you have had for her through this time. I pray for her, you and your girls and the others in the facility where you are at this time. Who knows the miracles that will be proclaimed to give God glory as a result of so many beginning to pray for those we don't know.
Posted by: Lee Ann Lee | February 06, 2011 at 11:25 AM
Your narrative is so tender, so sweet. What a precious observation about your beloveds right hand. And you are all in God's grip, His powerful right hand! Praying for and with you diligently and expectantly. Each little encouragement in her progress as you so wonderfully share is cause for praise! Thank you again for all the effort it takes to write on the blog and Twitter, it helps for the great company of "others" (of which I am but one...) to pray with knowledge and understanding of the need. I will also lift up all the patients of the LTAC to our One and Only who loves perfectly and cares to the utmost.
Believing with you for your awesome victory for your beloved Joanne in Christ Jesus.
A So. Cal. Siesta
Posted by: Pam Houston | February 06, 2011 at 11:44 AM
I am a blog friend from Columbia, SC. We are praying for all of you. Sending our love.
Posted by: Lorie | February 06, 2011 at 02:09 PM
I have been following your blog since January 12, but have not yet commented. I just want you to know that I have been praying for Joanne and all of your family. I purchased Joanne's book LIVING SIMPLY last week and I love it! Our family is also LITTLE HOUSE fans and I was amazed when Joanne talked about reading by oil lamp (I thought we were the only ones who did those kind of things;) I just want you to know that reading Joanne's book has made me feel so much closer to her and even though I don;t know her, I feel that I am praying for a friend. God bless you all!
Posted by: Leslie Madden | February 06, 2011 at 04:29 PM
Those are some beautiful prayer requests and I'm happy to join you in praying them.
Posted by: Elaine | February 06, 2011 at 08:51 PM
It will be a pleasure to continue praying for Joanne and your lovely family. Also praying tonight for those who are your LTAC neighbors and in need of prayers.
Blessings!
Becky K.
Lancaster, PA
Posted by: Becky K. | February 06, 2011 at 09:03 PM
A beautiful and loving post...continued prayers:)
Posted by: Leah C | February 07, 2011 at 05:05 PM