Emma spent the entire day at the hospital today (9 hours) and by the time we left she wasn't feeling well. Got her home and took her temperature--100.7. She immediately put on her PJs and laid down on the couch while the rest of us ate dinner. As soon as we were done she asked if she could go to bed, which is where she is now. In fact she is sleeping here right next to me as I type this. The good thing is that because Joanne is in isolation, Emma wore a surgical gown and latex gloves all day so there is really no way she could have passed anything along to Joanne.
I'm actually surprised that she hasn't gotten sick before this. Emma was the one who found Joanne after her stroke. Emma is the one who couldn't bring herself to see her mom for a month. Emma has been carrying around an adult sized portion of stress and fear. And today it caught up with her. So now she needs to be nurtured back to health. I think she is going to the Springs with me in the morning to my mom's house where she will be waited on hand-and-foot. Then home to Gran's where she can watch the food channel all afternoon where she will be further nurtured. Fortunately she is on winter break and won't have to miss any school during her recovery.
All of us are pretty fried today. We decided at dinner that there is a unique exhaustion that comes from the stress of watching a loved one struggle or suffer. And Joanne is doing some suffering. Her left shoulder has been bugging her for some time--her shoulder joint is extremely stiff and the only therapy for that is to heat it up with a hot towel and then stretch it, which is very painful for her. On top of that she has been complaining of headaches and now dizziness. This is my favorite "no duh" symptom. The girl has half her skull missing and a scar to beat the band and has suffered a major brain trauma/injury. Of course her head hurts! They are tyring to stay on top of it with medications but what they are giving her makes her loopy. Headache and shoulder ache minimized, but personality and function become minimized as well.
So we are all a little zombie-like, staggering through what has to be done. I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we are exhausted. It's the kind of exhaustion that a good night of sleep won't easily fix. I think the good reports of the last few days provided a shot of adrenaline that helped us get through, but this afternoon sort of robbed us of some of those "up" feelings. I guess it is probably something that just comes with the territory. But I'll say it again, there is a unique kind of weariness that comes from watching a loved one suffer.
In fact yesterday I was on the elevator with a women and could tell instantly that someone she loved was suffering in the hospital. She wasn't crying or anything but I could just look at her expression and see the look in her eyes. Turns out her brother had a stroke (his second) and things weren't looking good. There is just a haunted look in the eyes of someone going through something like this.
I have tried to avoid having that look in my own eyes: I want to be upbeat and victorious (!) but tonight I know I have that look about me. I see it in the faces of the family and especially in the face of precious Emma who couldn't even make it to the dinner table for Gran's pot roast--any of you who know Emma (the carnivore of the family) will realize how badly she must be feeling to not eat a pot roast. We are weary.
That doesn't mean there isn't a lot to be encouraged by. There is a lot to be thankful for--I'll post more on that tomorrow. But I think for now most of us walking through this are just sick and tired. We want our girl back.
Prayer request:
Please pray that Joanne pain will go away. Simple as that.
Toben
Praying right now, Toben.
And is it a good sign that her left shoulder hurts where she is paralyzed? Just came to me and thought I'd ask.
Posted by: Cindy Beall | February 17, 2011 at 08:34 PM
Praying for emotional, spiritual, and physical rest and healing for your entire family... He will walk this tough journey with each of you, one step at a time.
-Nikki
Posted by: Nikki | February 17, 2011 at 08:41 PM
Praying for Joanne right now, Toben. But also praying for each of you. Y'all need to get some rest or all of you will be going down like poor Emma girl. Now with you back to work...extra stress and exhaustion. Please remember to take some down time for you, too. Hugs and blessings and tons of prayers.
Susan
Posted by: Susan Smith | February 17, 2011 at 08:43 PM
I'm sending my prayers. Being someone that suffers from physical issues my heart really has been touched by your posts and I've been eagerly awaiting each post from you and the family updating everyone on J's status and how she is doing. I even read some posts outloud to my husband. He's also witnessed some shouting from me when we get good updates like she was able to eat a popsicle and especially when she was able to word the color black.
I had never met Joanne on her blog until after her stroke and I'm so touched in learning about who she is and the amazing family and friends she has surrounding her. What this shows me is how much of a truly amazing person she is and the impact she has made on the world pre stroke.
I pray your hearts are encouraged with God's strength everyday and that God will supply you with every need. Thanks for keeping us updated through the blog.
And Joanne your strength and fighting spirit are amazing. I wish there was something more that I could do for you than just pray but I know God will bless you and heal you. I'm believing for your total and complete recovery.
Posted by: Amanda Taylor | February 17, 2011 at 08:47 PM
We just finished corporate prayer online Toben with several other Siestas and I am lifting you all up to the Father and begging for rest. And begging for fast healing over Emma. Rest well tonight.
Posted by: Ashley Honea | February 17, 2011 at 08:47 PM
I know the "look". Praying for you all. PRaying God renews your strength tonight and gives you rest....true rest!
Posted by: Lee Ann Lee | February 17, 2011 at 09:05 PM
I hear the "tired" in your post tonight. Reminds me how much more I need to be earnest in my prayers for each of you. I second the motion that you each need some "time out". Praying for healing and health for all of you.
Posted by: Patti in Craig | February 17, 2011 at 09:06 PM
Praying for all of you....I keep up with this blog as often as I check my own. I've been so encouraged by the news of her personality re-emerging - based on my own narrowed experiences with a stroke that my grandpa had, that blessed my heart immensely to recognize how Joanne had achieved such a victory in demonstrating that. My prayers will continue for all the victories yet to come...and for peace and rest for all of you.
Posted by: Stephanie Riley | February 17, 2011 at 09:09 PM
Thanking God for Joanne's amazing progress. Praying for her complete healing and immediate release from the shoulder pain and headache. Praying for strength, encouragement and well-being for you and your family.
Posted by: Sharon - Ontario Canada | February 17, 2011 at 09:11 PM
Thank you for sharing where you are struggling. I am glad to know how I can pray for each of you.
Posted by: karla | February 17, 2011 at 09:15 PM
Praying relief for Joanne's shoulder and head pain. Praying for sweet sleep and restful, relaxing sleep for all of you.
Posted by: Mary Lou | February 17, 2011 at 09:25 PM
Rest=Trust! So good of God to let the child lead you all into the acknowledgement of rest, ceasing from your labors, trusting, waiting, resting; a sabbath for your weary souls. You posts are full of truth for all of us. Thank you for your updates. Sleep!
Posted by: Kathy Rivera | February 17, 2011 at 09:27 PM
I hear that tired in your post and I know it well....after my husbands stroke I had it and there is no way to smile through it....It is a weary feeling like none I have ever had....Prayers for you tonight...
Posted by: Teresa | February 17, 2011 at 09:33 PM
Praying for great relief for Joanne and each of you. It is a very unique exhaustion that requires a unique kind of rest. Praying for that provision.
Posted by: Cindy in TX | February 17, 2011 at 09:35 PM
here and now, am thanking the Lord for that! Joanne, painfree, and the children, the wee ones, rested and carefree. Amen
Posted by: Nance | February 17, 2011 at 09:36 PM
Toben this is so hard for you all and really you all have braved this one. I can just imagine how weary you are!
Saying many, many prayer for you all. Rest in slumber but most importantly rest in Jesus. He and only He can give you what you need. Feast on His word and know there are many prayer warriors out here praying cover you all in the blood of Christ.
In Him,
<><
Posted by: Child of God | February 17, 2011 at 10:08 PM
Praying for comfort and healing during this time of weariness. Be kind to yourselves. A little extra grace and time.
Sincerely,
Erin Koss
Posted by: Erin Koss | February 17, 2011 at 10:16 PM
@ Cindy Beall - I just read the post and thought of the same thing. Could the pain be left side re-awakening? Praying for rest and recovery for each memember of the family..each one has been overwhelmed with emotions. Rest in Him family. Love and prayers, Annie
Posted by: Annie from Oregon | February 17, 2011 at 10:35 PM
Toben,
I know you all must be so exhausted. Your daughter is showing it. Take care of yourself so you can continue to be there for your sweet wife.
I pray for you and Joanne every day.
Posted by: Sheryl Dean | February 17, 2011 at 10:54 PM
Im not sure how you feel about energy work with your faith (my belief is that all energy work comes from God and through the work of those of His helpers), but you may want to look into Ortho-bionomy. When my daughter was hit by a snowboarder and hurt badly, this work (along with the doctors and nurses) did some amazing things. Maybe her body would like the help during this time.
Many prayers and much love being sent to her and all your families for strength and courage.
Posted by: Andi | February 17, 2011 at 11:01 PM
Praying for healing rest for ALL of you. Praises to God for all that He has accomplished in Joanne. Rest in Him.
From Vancouver, WA.
Posted by: Teri | February 17, 2011 at 11:14 PM
Still praying BIG and BOLD prayers for all of you! I feel the sadness in your post and also the exhaustion! Having gone through some traumatic situations a few weeks back, I felt like I suffered with some post traumatic stress! I can only imagine, you all, are most likely feeling that, only 10 times more, after all you've been through! I pray that God gives you His Peace and Strength to continue your way through this valley! I pray He fills you all up with His Holy Spirit and you feel his Love and know that He is with you every step of the way! Just take a deep breath and know that we continue to lift you all up in prayer and that God is listening! He loves us so much and wants us to keep trusting Him even when we are weary!
May God continue to pour out His Miracle blessings on all of you!
In Jesus name I pray! Amen
Thank You Lord!
Posted by: Colette | February 18, 2011 at 12:47 AM
This daddy's girl whose father went through at least 2 craniotomies is continually praying for your sweet family.
Posted by: Julie M ~ The Little Red Shop | February 18, 2011 at 01:15 AM
More Grace, LORD. Please give more Grace. Reveal to the doctors ANYTHING that is wrong and causing this pain. You have authority over life and death, Jesus. By Your authority, take this pain and replace it with healing. Heal Emma. Restore Toben. In the Name of Jesus I ask. Amen.
Posted by: twinkle | February 18, 2011 at 02:10 AM
Our strength will rise as we wait upon the LORD...
Toben,
Beth Moore's blog has thousands of verses being posted right now as Siesta's memorize scripture this year. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. Romans 10:17. Scroll through these thousands of verses and speak them.
It is amazing how it builds our faith just reading these verses. So simple...but so powerful. An infusion. Steep yourself in Him and His Word.
Link
http://blog.lproof.org/2011/02/2011-siesta-scripture-memory-team-verse-4.html
Posted by: twinkle | February 18, 2011 at 02:22 AM
Praying for Joanne, and praying for your whole family. May the Lord refresh your bodies, minds and spirits and enfold you in His strong and loving arms!
Posted by: Carmen | February 18, 2011 at 03:27 AM
Praying victorious healing and rest for the whole family and that Joanne's left side is completely restored! Believing BIG!
In Him,
Kristi
Posted by: Kristi Walker | February 18, 2011 at 05:37 AM
Dear Toben, do not try to be superman, just rest in the arms of God. I know the feeling, but this too shall pass. My son almost die so many times and I can say I stare at the face of death and disease so many times, but here I am, my faith, trust and relationship with The Lord grew in a supernatural way. I used to recite verses and then the Word became real, after that moment I knew that no matter what, I was never going to feel alone or weary. So, I wasn't superwoman but He surely got me thru it like one. I pray that God will vest in you all everything you need right now, both spiritual and physical. I pray for Emma too. "BE STILL AND KNOW I AM GOD" .
Posted by: marta ramos | February 18, 2011 at 05:52 AM
I am praying for Joanne, for you and for the girls! I hope Emma feels better today! My Granddaughters have had the fever too and the doctors say there is a virus going around!
Hugs and prayers from Georgia!
Posted by: Theresa | February 18, 2011 at 06:25 AM
Prayers continueously for you and your family.
From the Morgan clan.
Posted by: Amy Morgan | February 18, 2011 at 07:36 AM
still praying
Posted by: melissa irwin | February 18, 2011 at 07:39 AM
As this winter turns into spring, I am praying more VICTORIES for your family. He is our miracle Healer!!
Posted by: Carrie Hester | February 18, 2011 at 07:52 AM
Was burdened all day yesterday for you all Toben. Grateful for the specifics and how we can pray and plead on your behalf. He is Faithful and True and will do all this and exceedingly, abundantly more. I'll just ask Him for some Supernatural hurry. :) Love you.
Posted by: Dedra | February 18, 2011 at 08:21 AM
I'd think the word tired doesn't even touch it. Weary and spent, maybe. I love the end of Isaiah 40 -- it's where God promises to give power to the weak and strength to the weary. I've clung to that so much in my life as I wait for rescue -- sometimes the rescue comes, and sometimes it doesn't. But the comfort and strength He promises ALWAYS shows up. Always. Praying that for you and your sweet family today.
Posted by: Karen Booker Schelhaas | February 18, 2011 at 08:37 AM
Toben, sending hugs and prayers for all of you! I so understand what you mean. I can feel it so clearly in your post.
I am praying for all of you and for Joanne to be free from her pain so she can focus on all of her progress and therapy!
Posted by: Beth | February 18, 2011 at 08:37 AM
Toben,
Praying for you, Joanne, Emma, Audrey and the rest of your family today and every day. I pray for Him to give you rest and not just restful sleep at night, but a rest that you know has to come from Him because there is no way you could feel so rested otherwise. Other than that, I really don't even have words to say - just know we are praying faithfully and that we love you all even though we may not know you personally.
Kathryn Champion
Posted by: Kathryn71459 | February 18, 2011 at 08:40 AM
Praying for you all Toben that God will give you all supernatural rest thatyou knwwill only come from Him. Psalm 91:4 He will cover you with His feathers and under His wings you will find refuge his faithfulness will be your sheild and rampart.
P.S. lifting Emma up to the Lord for complete healing
Carol seista
Posted by: Carol | February 18, 2011 at 08:59 AM
Dear Toben,
Sending love, hugs and most of all prayers to you and your girls! The lords is with you and with them as well.
Rest in the arms of the Lord!
Posted by: Maribeth | February 18, 2011 at 09:29 AM
Just a Hey ...Let us your Blogging friends and many more... CARRY you's in Prayer..and like the Footsteps poem... just KNOW HE is carrying you.
With MUCH Love and Prayers
Posted by: Ruthy :o) | February 18, 2011 at 09:58 AM
Praying for all of you....We are holding your arms up.
Posted by: Laura | February 18, 2011 at 11:28 AM
Dear Toben:
Continuing daily prayer for not only Joanne but for each of you! You're absolutely right - when a loved one is suffering, it causes mental/physical stress on the family members. How can it not?
Praising Him for answered prayers, praying for continued healing and a full recovery!
God bless!!
Posted by: Lynn | February 18, 2011 at 11:49 AM
FolloWing you on tWitter, and NoW liStening to you on grounded!!
praying for you NOW!
Posted by: ANDREA | February 18, 2011 at 12:24 PM
In Jesus' Name, be the Healer. Amen.
Posted by: Angie Thieszen | February 18, 2011 at 01:34 PM
I understand what you are talking about. For me, the great weariness set in after the crisis and it felt like the wind was out of my sails with no gust in sight...it was confusing for me. I pray that you have rejuvenation that exceeds your expectation.
I also understand what it is like to watch someone you love be sick and suffer and not be able to take it away. It is frustrating and exhausting. I wish I could take that away from you and your family. I will pray for each of your pain to ease.
Posted by: Tara (Bowers) Bain | February 18, 2011 at 02:39 PM
I know the look and the weariness you speak of...praying for all of you. Wishing you peace & comfort, too.
Posted by: Leah C | February 18, 2011 at 02:51 PM
Coming out of my lurker status =) I want to tell you that it's ok to have that face on. Though it's so painful, it's also healthy to really feel those haunted feelings. And it's the healthiest to feel those feelings only ON TOP of the hope and peace that passes all understanding, and only comes from our loving Father. I pray for your family all the time, and share Joanne's story with other prayer warriors often.
Posted by: anna | February 18, 2011 at 03:04 PM
Praying for you all Toben, that you will have the energy and strength to deal with your long journey ahead.
Posted by: erin | February 18, 2011 at 03:32 PM
Toben I am from Shelby, N.C. and have been following your story daily. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers. You are an inspiration to all of us and what an excellant example of a husband. Joanne is a very lucky lady. I have told alot of people I know to look at your website and pray, pray, pray. Prayer works. My husband was diagnosed with an inherited liver disease and because of prayer got a transplant 27 days after entering the list. Almost unheard of. Miracles happen. Praying in N.Carolina.
Bob and Wendi Davis
Posted by: Bob and Wendi Davis | February 18, 2011 at 06:44 PM
Praying for rest and refreshment for you all, for wisdom for Joanne's rehab location, and continued healing for her.
Posted by: Karene | February 18, 2011 at 08:52 PM
Your comment on suffering reminded me of conversation I had several months after I lost my sister. I was talking with a man who had lost his wife and daughter. I hadn't said anything about my loss, but he mentioned that he could tell I had been thru suffering as well. When I asked how he knew, he said, "When you've been through fire, you can smell the smoke on others." Praying often for you and your family as you go through this very intense fire. May you be protected on all sides.
Posted by: Ginny | February 18, 2011 at 09:38 PM
I will definitely pray for you and your family. I know it's very hard for you to go on with this sad process, but with God's grace, I'm sure that Joanne's gonna be okay anytime soon. This scenario reminded me of my sister when she was just taken to the hospital a few months ago. With prayers and great faith, she recovered easily. Just always keep your faith and your hopes high! We are always with you.
Posted by: Clara | March 30, 2011 at 08:38 PM