This is a weird one. This morning I realized how much time I spend at Joanne's feet. In order for Joanne to go anywhere she has to have her shoe on with the special orthotic on it that keeps her ankle from rolling. So she can;t just get up and walk across the room and get a Coke, or head to the living room to grab a book, or get up in the middle of the nightin order to do whatever you n=might need to do in the middle of the night.
The other think aboutt it is that Joanne can't put on her own shoes, so that falls to me. So at least a dozen times a Day I am at Joanne's feet getting her feet into her trust Asicsrunning shoes (which are awesome!). Then I get the orthotic strapped on and away we go.
Here's another thing. I have to get on the floor in order to perform this task, so I have to get down there. And for you who don't know me I am not exactly a thin or athletic guy who can get up and down off the floor really easily. I am 5'10'' and about 220. I have literally gained 20 pounds since Joanne's stroke--the food at the hospital isn't exactly Weight Watchers. Plus I am sure I have been doing some "stress eating." Anyhow, the point is that I can't get up and down easily.
In top of that I am 40. So my joints and muscles aren't as flexible as they used to be. I remember years ago when I took yoga I was somewhat flexible and could do a few of the poses. Now I think the only one I could go is the one where you lay flat on back--I think it's dead man's pose. Anyhow, that's about as far as I could make it.
What's the point? Every day, when I get down there I think about the opportunity that God has given me to serve Joanne. As weird as it sounds, even at 2 in the morning I think about the blessing of serving Joanne. It's not that I feel grateful in all those moments but I think about the times in scripture where we see someone at Jesus feet. A blessing always came with that! No one was ever at Jesus feet and came away anything but blessed, healed, overwhelmed with love. So then I link that to the fact that what we do to the least of these, we do until Jesus. So work with me here: when I am putting Joanne's shoes on her feet I think about putting Asics on Jesus so he can use the facilities at two in the morning.
To be very honest this is the thing that keeps me from being annoyed or "put out" with this activity. It keeps me thinking about the blessing of service. I hope God continues to bring these things to mind that make life easier in the midst of the challenges we face.
Prayer requests:
1. Still adjusting to life here at home. Not as easy as any of us thought it would be. But we are making steps in the right direction each day.
2. Joanne's spirits are still low. I think she thought that coming home would fix everything and it hasn't and she is discouraged by that. Pray that she has at least one bright spot in each day to help her get through.
3. Joanne has had two falls since being home which has made her afraid to walk. We doeverything we can to keep her upright but sometimes I turn away for just a second anddown she goes. Please pray for no more falls and confidence in walking.
Toben, as I read this I thought what a picture of servanthood. You are serving Joanne, but also Jesus. AND you are setting an example to Audrey and Emma. They will look for a husband that will love them in sickness and in health. They are so blessed to have you and Joanne live that out for them.
Praying that God will thrill Joanne this afternoon.
Much love and prayers from GA,
Stephanie
Posted by: OceanMommy | June 02, 2011 at 12:21 PM
I remember too, Jesus taking the cloth and water and washing the disciples feet at the last supper.
Joanne, I know you are frustrated and afraid. But darlin', Jesus is with you. Do not give up. Keep telling yourself that he loves you and is there.
Posted by: Maribeth | June 02, 2011 at 12:21 PM
What a beautiful post...what a lovely picture of service...you are living out the words "in sickness and health"...Love is not love just when everything is hunky dory but love is love when one of you is sick and needs help. What a great picture you are showing your girls....their husbands are having the bar set high for them. Way to go. Praying for all of you and for Joanne to have at least one bright spot a day and IF He so chooses to give her more than one bright spot.
Posted by: Mary Lou | June 02, 2011 at 12:35 PM
I am especially praying for Joanne as she deals with who she has become. I, too, had a stroke and just last night (18 yrs after mine) I was mourning what I cannot now do that I once could. I no longer mourn all the time, but there are those moments. Be patient. Know you are in my prayers
Posted by: Marena Sheffield | June 02, 2011 at 01:11 PM
Many times in every marriage, there is something about our spouse, that in order to do what we are called to do, we have to think of how God sees them - or serve them as we would serve Christ. Many times in my own marriage, when I have been tempted to feel frustrated, I prayed God would show me my husband through His eyes, and give me a love that He has for Him, and He has every time! Frustrations melt away - and the ability to endure with love ushers in.
Praying for both of you....
Posted by: Kristy | June 02, 2011 at 01:36 PM
Sometimes we miss the big picture in all of the details. To glorify God every day is the goal and you understand that brother. Joanne's healing is in His powerful hand and He is the One who told us that His ways are higher than ours.
Thanks for taking the time to keep us posted. We feel like a huge team of friends who have never met holding hands all around your precious family. We are learning so much from this inside look and we are grateful for that.
Lean on the Everlasting Arms!
Kathy in Idaho
Posted by: Kathy Rivera | June 02, 2011 at 01:44 PM
Thanks so much for sharing all these stories, of ups and downs, it encourages me every time I read another baby step Joanne has made, and I don't even know you guys. Blessings to you and your entire family.
Merry Christmas!!
Posted by: Mrs. Claus | June 02, 2011 at 01:48 PM
Hi Toben praying for you all as you get adjusted I am glad I came here to read this because I also take care of an elderly parent I have been so fustrated lately because of certain situations so I need to look at serving her thru God eyes not mine thank you Toben for posting this you just don't know how much this help me today. Wil;l be praying for Joanne tha God would continue to give her Joy in her days.
Carol
Posted by: CAROL BRUNTLETT | June 02, 2011 at 02:17 PM
Great way to look at things! Hang in there! We are praying for you guys.
Posted by: Janet (JayCee) Cline | June 02, 2011 at 02:24 PM
Praying for you guys every day and even though we don't know one another at all, I think of your family often. I can only imagine how difficult this is for each of you...in different ways. But, I know that there is fresh grace and mercy each morning. May His peace, kindness and love overwhelm each of you!
Posted by: Kristi Walker | June 02, 2011 at 03:42 PM
Colossians 1: 11-14 Living Bible
"And we are praying,too, that you will be filled with His mighty glorious strength so that you can keep going no matter what happens, always full of the joy of the Lord and always thankful to the Father Who has made us fit to share all the wonderful things that belong to those who live in the Kingdom of light. For He has rescued us out of the darkness and gloom of satan's kingdom and brought us in to the kingdom of His dear Son who bought our freedom with His blood and forgave us all our sins."
You bring the Light of the Lord to so many, Joanne, Toben and all your dear family.
More and more blessings to you as you walk this new road step by step.
Posted by: Michal Ann | June 02, 2011 at 04:30 PM
I was just reading this afternoon about how Jesus served His disciples by washing their feet, and how He modeled that for them--and for us. It inspired me to look for ways to serve my family and others more. And you inspire me too. Continuing to lift up prayers for all of you--thank you for telling us what you need. May God richly bless you.
Posted by: Karene | June 02, 2011 at 05:09 PM
I'm continuing to pray for you and Joanne. May God grant you His strength for each day. May you know and see that His mercies are new every morning!
Posted by: Anuja | June 02, 2011 at 05:12 PM
Someone is already praying this over you, but I will say it again--Colossians 1:9-14 is a prayer that is very dear to my heart. May it be a blessing to you and your family.
Prayers and blessings,
Rebecca
Posted by: Rebecca | June 02, 2011 at 06:03 PM
Thanks for the update! :)
This is a rough, tough road but you are doing it and Joanne is getting better and will continue to heal.
I too am going through a stripping away of self, and this sounds like you are experiencing this as well. I love how you picture serving Jesus' feet when you are at the feet of Joanne. I see growth here and this is really good. Heidi Baker has a saying which I will pass on here...God's floor is our ceiling.
When I think of this I think that we can only see Jesus' feet and they are glorious.
Praying and praying for you all,
<><
Posted by: Child of God | June 02, 2011 at 06:08 PM
Hi toben and joanne. you don't know me but i am a friend of a couple of your neighbors, nikki and sandy. i have been following your story since amanda moore blogged about it the day after joanne's fall. i was reading your post today and just wanted to let you know about a healing service that is on monday, june 6th at jubilee fellowship church in highlands ranch (link below).
i don't know how you feel about that sort of thing. i am not sure how i feel about that sort of thing. i waiver between believing in suffering through our trails with joy because it produces perseverance (james 1) and believing that the prayer of the righteous can heal (james 5).
i went to one of their healing services out of curiosity last month and because someone i know was seeking healing for her asthma. i thought the service was really God-honoring, and not weird at all - no slaying of people or anything crazy - very worshipful. my friend received prayer but has not been healed. just keeping it real.
anyway, i just felt a prompting to share that with you. may God continue to use your family to give him glory.
www.jfc.org is the church website - go to the calendar. the service is at 7:00 on monday at the highlands ranch campus.
Posted by: cara gabrielse | June 02, 2011 at 06:40 PM
I absolutely loved this post. You are a wonderful husband and father and I will continue to pray for Joanne and your family.
Posted by: Melissa Garland | June 02, 2011 at 07:35 PM
Prayers continue for your family. This is such a hard time....but this is a perfect example of service and true love.
Praying that God allows all of you to feel His tender arms around you and giving you peace and joy in the midst of these very tiring and sometimes fearful times.
Posted by: Becky K. | June 02, 2011 at 08:21 PM
Praying for sweet Jo. Thanking God for your service to Him and your beautiful wife. Praying for your girls. Praying for all of you! You are all mighty warriors, but there is none like Joanne right now!!
So much respect, love, and admiration....
Fran
TN
Posted by: Fran | June 02, 2011 at 09:16 PM
What a great, touching post. I'm sure it isn't easy for anyone, but I am praying for all of you - grace, wisdomm and strength for you & girls & Joanne's family - and believing that one day Joanne will RUN. Right now it's slow and steady, adjusting to everything again, but I am praising God for all the miracles He has done with you, Joanne, and all that I believe He can do! For nothing is impossible with God. Hang in there!
Posted by: Beth Jones | June 02, 2011 at 09:54 PM
I know what your talking about my husband trys hard to be helpful to me after my car accident and I have a injury to my brain I'm as good as I'm ever going to be but I'm not ever going to be my old self its hard for everyone because We changed the out come of our lives you men had no say. Thanks for finding the new joy in your lives. Rena
Posted by: Rena | June 02, 2011 at 10:01 PM
For Joanne - today I was looking around at some various blogs on decorating, etc. and one of them was a little slow to load. The first image that showed up was the picture of you with praying for Joanne underneath. I jumped because it wasn't what I was expecting on that blog. I've really loved your blog and I've prayed for you ever since the stroke. Here was another opportunity for you to come to my mind for prayer. Don't give up! So many people around the world who don't even know each other are connected and praying for you. Thank you for all of the days you inspired me when I was down and felt like it was all just too hard. I continue to remember you in thought and prayer.
Posted by: Kristy | June 03, 2011 at 04:49 AM
Dear Joanne and Toben,
This is one of the hardest, yet sweetest posts I have ever seen in blogdom. It must be incredibly hard on both of you. Toben with all that needs to be done and more so watching Joanne go through this. And Joanne, you are living through this. I cannot imagine. You never signed up to be poster children for what a christian marriage should look like. But through what you do for each other and showing us with honesty, the ups and downs of your journey you model more than anything else things like Christ's love, servant's heart, praising through tough times, faith, family, strength, grace in the midst of trials and so many things that no book, movie or sermon can ever come close. You have made me draw closer to God. Thank you for giving me a glimpse into your lives. Please know you are covered in prayer by people you do not know and will never meet this side of heaven.
Posted by: Amelia | June 03, 2011 at 05:07 AM
Toben you are indeed serving Joanne and with her serving Jesus. To serve is one of the greatest gifts and yet so often over looked for its more showy cousins. Serving your wife in love is truly wonderful. Keep strong, take the chance for rest when you get it and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. You won't be able to serve Joanne if you are running on empty.
Joanne, keep strong. I am sure you are afraid but keep going. Find the strength in the love and support around you and in yourself. You have that strength within you to face all your trials. And when you are overwhelmed, cry or otherwise relieve the pressure and then on with it. It is not wrong to be feeling weak or afraid.
Much love to you all.
Lynn
Posted by: Penbleth | June 03, 2011 at 07:05 AM
Toben you are amazing. Your posts keep us grounded in prayer for you and yours.
Posted by: Janice | June 03, 2011 at 07:46 AM
I know that it is challenging but you are both facing these challenges with amazing grace! It took me several months to be able to put my own socks, shoes and AFO on myself. Not trying to discourage you but to tell you that each day does get better. My stroke was 2 years ago next month and now I can look back and see the rapid progress I made in those first few months at home but I can assure you it didn't seem rapid!! I am praying for perseverance and daily nuggets of hope. Please know that it WILL get easier with each day! Joanne, fear of falling (and falling) is normal. Just take it slow and try not to let the fear keep you from trying. I know it's scary - I still get nervous out in the community, especially on steep ramps but, the stronger you get, the less likely you will fall so keep practicing. That leg will remember how to hold you up with practice :)
Praying for you!
Posted by: Kelly Campbell | June 03, 2011 at 08:34 AM
A very convicting post for me. I often am looking at my own selfish needs that I don't see serving others as a way to serve Jesus and to be reminded of what He did for us.
Thanks Toben and Joanne for sharing this journey you are on with all of us...we are blessed because of it. I am for sure..
Posted by: to know him | June 03, 2011 at 08:55 AM
God has prompted me to pray daily for Joanne and the family ever since I first read of the need on Beth Moore's blog. Thanks for the posts as I depend on them to guide my prayers. This was a very powerful post and I appreciate the time you took and transparency you portrayed. I pray for you as much as Joanne because I know personally that the quality and attitude of the caregiver is VERY important. I have been on both sides as giver and given too. Keep leaning on Christ and He will see you through.
Posted by: Patti | June 03, 2011 at 04:30 PM
Sounds like Joanne is going to have a workout partner in the weeks ahead! Praying from a distance and in my own little corner of Colorado.
Posted by: [email protected] | June 03, 2011 at 08:34 PM
Joining you in prayer from So. Cal. with a great company of prayer warriors. A very touching post. Cheering you on from the sidelines.
Posted by: Pam Houston | June 04, 2011 at 05:38 AM
God is working thru you to help Joanne and you both are fortunate to have each other! After my Mother had a stroke, she also fell... it takes a while to get ovr that! Hang in there, this too shall pass!
Hugs and prayers from Georgia!
Posted by: Theresa Roach | June 04, 2011 at 07:01 AM
Praying for renewed strength and rest from the Lord for you. Each and every time you take care of her, she notices. The love you share has grown more than you will ever know. You are her hero!
Posted by: jeannie fuller | June 04, 2011 at 02:50 PM
The feet put everything in perspective. I have been reading all the posts and praying for all of you.
Great job, what a beautiful husband you are. It sums it all up. "real love"
Posted by: Meredith | June 04, 2011 at 08:42 PM
Toben,
What a beautiful post. If we could all only remember we are serving Jesus with the things we do daily for others, how much better our attitudes would be. At least mine would be. I said a prayer for you all after reading this and continue to do so regularly. Joanne has made such amazing progress, don't loose sight of that! I prayed she'd have a "bright spot" every day and remember how far she's come!
Posted by: Sandi in MN | June 04, 2011 at 09:11 PM
Is Joanne getting some therapy at home similar to what she was getting in the rehab hospital?
Praying for you all to have strength and happiness. :)
Posted by: Rachel | June 04, 2011 at 09:35 PM
Most of my thoughts have already been expressed above. My family and I learned through some very difficult times that being able to serve is a gift, as is being able to accept service from others. A very independent friend of mine did not want to ask for the help she needed after a series of strokes. I told her it want so much that she needed my help as I needed to be able to serve her, as she had so often been there for me in earlier times.
I have been following Joanne's progress since Day two. What blessings you all are to each other and wonderful witnesses to True Love and Faith. May the Lord bestow many blessings on you all.
Posted by: Erin North Dakota | June 04, 2011 at 10:26 PM
Beautiful.
Posted by: Cathy Davis | June 05, 2011 at 06:31 PM
You sound depressed Toben are you getting any help with your feelings? You need to keep being strong and taking care of yourself for your wife and children dont get burnt out Now your needed. think of you and your family often. Love from Maine
Posted by: Rena | June 06, 2011 at 01:10 AM
Praying for balance. In each step, each thought, each life.
Posted by: Lywanda | June 06, 2011 at 05:05 AM
Wishing Joanne a speedy recovery
Posted by: Mom and me | June 06, 2011 at 05:23 AM
Hope things are getting someway better with your new lives. Miss hearing from you.
your friend from Maine Rena
Posted by: Rena | June 08, 2011 at 04:36 AM
Praying every day for your whole family. When I start complaining about something that's aggravating me, I often think of you guys and ask the Lord to forgive me for complaining. I'm an ICU nurse recovering open heart patients and have through the years taken care of quite a few stroke patients. But the really hard part isn't that critical phase, it's the part where you guys are now. I don't blame Joanne for being depressed. There is such a loss. Even though we are supposed to give thanks in everything - this is an awfully hard one to receive. And falling is terrifying. I am proud of the way you and Joanne press on. And proud of you for not being afraid to talk about many of the difficulties you are facing. (Although I suspect it is much harder than you dare to verbalize here). I pray for patience, and wisdom and for the will to keep striving against the physical and psychological obstacles you are facing. I pray for wisdom for her treatment team -that they will give her all she needs to reach a chemical balance to keep her sound in body and mind. And I pray for you guys as a family - husband and wife relationship as well as parent/child relationships. I pray for you to have joy and love that is supernatural and overwhelming. You are such a miracle for His glory.
Posted by: Rhonda Floyd | June 08, 2011 at 07:41 AM
Je suis content de la façon dont vous et Joanne presse. Puis à nouveau heureux pour vous de ne pas être soucieux de disserter sur le sujet d'un nombre important de troubles, vous êtes confrontés.
Posted by: casino en ligne | November 28, 2011 at 08:07 AM