Joanne Heim

Random Thoughts

Things are really slowing down around here. Yes, the week days are still full with therapies and doctors appointments and different activities for the kids, but this day, Saturday there is nothing going on. The girls are at Kristen's house and Joanne and I are just sitting here in the family room. She is reading her Kindle and I am just messing around on line. Feels very peaceful. And it's been like this for hours!

This is something that never happened before the stroke. There was always a lot of activity but now there is so much less on a weekend. We have church tonight and dinner with friends after but that's it, our total plans for the weekend. This is going to take some getting used to. 

Another thing that I am feeling is that Joanne and I now really function as a unit. Used ot be pretty independent, coming and going as we pleased, but now we are together. I like that. Still, it is a big adjustment not to be able to just "pop out" and do something on my own. We are knit.

I have moved into my sad phase of grief. Not sure where that one is supposed to fall in the process but it is here. I think I went through anger a week ago--I was really mad at our situation. But yesterday a switch flipped and I am overcome with sadness. There are so many reasons and facets that I can't describe them all here, won't even try. It is the most complex sadness I have every felt. But it is born out a a deep love for Joanne and a sadness at how her life has been flipped upside down. I need to unpack this one some more in a future post. 

Prayer requests:

1. Grace and peace as we continue to move into this new phase. Joanne has been home for three weeks and life is improving. Pray that we keep moving in that direction!

2. Patience. We are still very much figuring things out and facing challenges on manysides that will take time to sort through. May God grant us patience to learn what he has for us to learn in these days, from the very practical to the deeply relational.

3. The girls are heavy on my heart. Please pray that they have a good summer and find their own rhythm in all of this.

Toben

 

Father Knows Best

From Joanne's Dad:

While many of you recognize “Ozzie & Harriet”, most have never heard of Jim Anderson, played by Robert Young on the “Father Knows Best” TV show from 1954 to 1960.  Jim was a thoughtful father who offered sage advice whenever one of his children had a problem.  We’re all little children at heart when our Father graciously “allows problems” in our lives.  We ask Him why?  What’s the reason?  What’s the purpose?  What should I be learning?  But life isn’t a 30 minute TV show; and God rarely reveals everything to our satisfaction.  So Joanne, and everyone else in our family, is wrestling with those same questions.  I believe it’s actually more difficult for Christians since we have rested our entire future on the goodness and sovereignty of a Father who gave His One and only Son to purchase our redemption.   We know that Jesus was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief, obedient even unto death, pleading with His Father in the Garden to let His cup of suffering pass.  We even understand that Jesus never saw the fruit of His obedience and sacrifice before He died.   The fruit is us, the Church, making His suffering the most effective and meaningful ever.  So compared to atheists or agnostics who only see cruel fate or chance, we Christians diligently search for God’s purposes in our lives.  But just like our earthly parents didn’t always explain their loving discipline, God doesn’t often reveal His purpose – or we’re just unable to discern His “why”.  

OK God; we disciples are not above our Master; and we know Your goal is to conform us to Christ – whatever it takes.  But our day-to-day living by that faith is sometimes another matter.  Many of you already understand this; the rest of us are coming along behind you.  Keep us in your prayers, for they are effective.

In closing, today was a GREAT day for this Papa, who was trusted for the first time to be home alone with Joanne, since she’s making better-and-better use of the grab bars that I installed to make her more self-sufficient.  I’m now planning to spend two mornings per week with her, reading Joanne some Jesus Calling and Charles Spurgeon while my dear wife Kay gets back to Curves for the first time in months!

Chuck

At Joanne's Feet

This is a weird one. This morning I realized how much time I spend at Joanne's feet. In order for Joanne to go anywhere she has to have her shoe on with the special orthotic on it that keeps her ankle from rolling. So she can;t just get up and walk across the room and get a Coke, or head to the living room to grab a book, or get up in the middle of the nightin order to do whatever you n=might need to do in the middle of the night.

The other think aboutt it is that Joanne can't put on her own shoes, so that falls to me. So at least a dozen times a Day I am at Joanne's feet getting her feet into her trust Asicsrunning shoes (which are awesome!). Then I get the orthotic strapped on and away we go. 

Here's another thing. I have to get on the floor in order to perform this task, so I have to get down there. And for you who don't know me I am not exactly a thin or athletic guy who can get up and down off the floor really easily. I am 5'10'' and about 220. I have literally gained 20 pounds since Joanne's stroke--the food at the hospital isn't exactly Weight Watchers. Plus I am sure I have been doing some "stress eating." Anyhow, the point is that I can't get up and down easily. 

In top of that I am 40. So my joints and muscles aren't as flexible as they used to be. I remember years ago when I took yoga I was somewhat flexible and could do a few of the poses. Now I think the only one I could go is the one where you lay flat on back--I think it's dead man's pose. Anyhow, that's about as far as I could make it. 

What's the point? Every day, when I get down there I think about the opportunity that God has given me to serve Joanne. As weird as it sounds, even at 2 in the morning I think about the blessing of serving Joanne. It's not that I feel grateful in all those moments but I think about the times in scripture where we see someone at Jesus feet. A blessing always came with that! No one was ever at Jesus feet and came away anything but blessed, healed, overwhelmed with love. So then I link that to the fact that what we do to the least of these, we do until Jesus. So work with me here: when I am putting Joanne's shoes on her feet I think about putting Asics on Jesus so he can use the facilities at two in the morning.

To be very honest this is the thing that keeps me from being annoyed or "put out" with this activity. It keeps me thinking about the blessing of service. I hope God continues to bring these things to mind that make life easier in the midst of the challenges we face.

Prayer requests:

1. Still adjusting to life here at home. Not as easy as any of us thought it would be. But we are making steps in the right direction each day.

2. Joanne's spirits are still low. I think she thought that coming home would fix everything and it hasn't and she is discouraged by that. Pray that she has at least one bright spot in each day to help her get through.

3. Joanne has had two falls since being home which has made her afraid to walk. We doeverything we can to keep her upright but sometimes I turn away for just a second anddown she goes. Please pray for no more falls and confidence in walking.