The New Normal?

I haven't blogged in forever! I think I burned out a little bit and needed to take a break, but on top of that, there is very little new stuff to talk about. When Joanne was in the ICU, LTAC, and rehab these was stuff to talk about every day. But now that she has been home for a month we have settled into a new normal, that to be honest isn't that exciting. And to be honest, that is a good thing. It feels good to be in a routine and to have a rough idea of what the day will hold.

Joanne is doing out-patient therapy so we have therapists into the house just about every day with the occasional day off (like today). But it's not the same as the rigors of rehab where she was doing 3-4 hours of therapy every day. Her schedule is much lighter now. But that will all change in a couple of weeks when she goes to the day program at Spalding rehab. I think she will be there every day from 9-3 and will be very, very busy. I think she is looking forward to going back, even if it is just for the grilled cheese sandwiches that Rosie made her for lunch every day.

Joanne's list of simple pleasures:

Doing Bible study every morning at the kitchen table. We get her set up with her cup of coffee and some breakfast and she spend a good amount of time in the Word.

Sitting out on the deck. Gran and Papa bought us the most amazing umbrella that covers the entire seating area, so we can sit out in the shade almost any time of day. Joanne loves being outside.

Showers. AS long as I have known Joanne she loves to take a good, long, hot shower. Papa did an amazing job making the shower handicap accessible with a shower bench and hand rails and Joanne spends a good long time in there every night.

Having friends visit. Joanne loves to have people over.

Going to bed. This represents the end of the day for Joanne. I get the bed turned down just the way she likes it with pillows in place to keep her feet elevated. She climbs into bed and we wrap our pinkies together and say, "We made it through another day!"

Joanne's list of challenges:

Joanne is walking with a four point can, but walks very, very slowly as a result of the paralysis on her left side. She can get around but has to do so accompanied by one of us. She isn't quite stable enough yet to truck around on her own.
Left side pain. Joanne still experiences pain on her left side--shoulder, elbow, hip, knee and ankle. We work to keep those muscles and ligaments  limber but it is a real challenges. She tightens up on that side due to the paralysis. We do a lot of therapy on these parts of her body but no break-through yet.

Discouragement: As you can imagine, Joanne (and the rest of us) are still dealing with feeling of loss and sadness. We were looking at the "grief chart" that outlines the five stages of grief and determined that she and I are in stage four, which is depression. Although for us depression just looks a lot like sadness. I am sad for Joanne, that she has lost so many of the activities that made up her self-identity. Running, writing, teaching, studying, cooking: these have all been taken away for the time being and that is a very sad thing and leaves her feeling like she doesn't know who she is anymore. We are in constant prayer that God will bring many of these activities back into her life as the months go by.

So that's about it. It is so good to be at home after 4 months in hospitals. Even the best ones can't measure up to being in ones own surroundings.

The girls! I almost forgot to mention the girls. Audrey and Emma are settled into their own routines. Yes, it is very different to have mom at home after 4 months of her being gone, but they seems to have figured it out. There are definitely parenting challenges that we are facing as they try to get a sense of what mom's place is now that she is home. Because of Joanne's inability to modulate tone or volume, it is hard for them to understand direction or correction from her. But As Joanne's voice improves and as we continue to coach them through it she should be able to get back to parenting as usual. I have to say that they are handling it very well, especially Audrey, who, as a 12 year old girl, has enough challenges to face in the best of circumstances!

Prayer requests:

1. Perseverance for Joanne. She still has a long road ahead of her in recovery and she needs the desire, drive, energy and commitment to get through it.

2. Joanne is getting a new orthotic for her left ankle and we would love to have that help her move more easily. Pray that it fits, that it is comfortable, and that it gives her the support that she needs.

3. Praise, praise, praise that we are back in our home! There is no hospital room that can come close to the comforts of home.

Toben

Comments

[Lina]

Your family is in my prayers. Thank you for your generosity in sharing this very difficult season...what a blessing to know that Joanne is immersing herself in God's Word! He will use this time to prepare her for the next good work He has planned for her. He's also preparing you, Toben. Sending much love to your family from California.

[Angie Platten]

Such a hard, hard season. Recently, I was reminded of something that I've been mulling around in my brain. "God is more concerned with our character than our comfort." Well, I for one, always vote for the escape plan. None of us like pain and suffering yet we pray and ask God to make us more like Jesus. Hello! If ya' looked up pain and suffering in a dictionary, Jesus would have his picture posted there! The man knew pain and suffering like no other! And for that reason alone, He knows EXACTLY what we are going through, wholly and completely. A John Lynch quote on my bathroom mirror is:"Take courage! Jesus is here! You don't have to be afraid." I know you are all in that place with me, of learning to calmly sit in the midst of suffering and trust His goodness and love knowing He DOES have a plan! Praying for you guys! Much love.

[Patti]

Thank you for sharing. I have been wondering how things were going but even without that knowledge I have been praying for your family. I am sure there are many, many others who are also continuing to do the same. If God does not restore her former abilities that made up her identity, I am positive he will give her new ones and draw her even closer to his presence. It is wonderful that she has all the family support.

[Holly Smith]

Continuing to pray, dear brother! You know, I think you are Jesus to my friend. I am thankful for your servant's heart. And I am thankful that Joanne is here with us and recovering, regaining, restoring daily. I LOVE the tent that Gran and Papa got! They are the best!!

[Barbie]

Thank you for the update. I've been thinking of your family and continue to pray. May God give you all strength as you walk through this season. I am praying that God will restore back Joanne's hearts desires, those things that she delights in doing.

[OceanMommy]

Still praying! Thank you for sharing so much with us. I will be praying over this list each day.

Blessings,
stephanie

[Kristi Walker]

Thanks so much for the update. We pray so often for your family that we feel like we know you!...grin... Quite often I think of Joanne's New Year's post where this was her year of "love". I believe that she was right. What love she has seen and had the opportunity to show so many others! People like me...that she's never even met. All the lives you have touched and had the opportunity to share Christ's love with. What love your girls have seen...the real kind that really is for better or worse, in sickness and in health. The kind of love that can only come when a marriage is bound together by Christ.

No one who's heard of the Heim's will ever forget this year of total, complete love that's been shown by your entire family. Our family is standing with you that so many blessings will follow and rich, beautiful healing for Joanne straight from the throne of the Most High God! May it come quickly, and completely! Amen.

[Corinna H]

Thank you SO much, Toben, for such a wonderful update and sharing of how you all are coping day-by-day. We haven't stopped praying for you, Joanne, the girls, your parents and Joanne's sister. We are so thankful also that friends stop by too when they can; we ALL wish we could...
I continue to pray that each of you will actually feel GOD's comfort and love always, even in this time of sadness and adjustment. You seem more like a son to me and you are precious in GOD's sight! ((HUG))

[lisa schubert]

Guys, I think of you everyday!!! My children and husband ask about you all very often. This has been a hard year for you all so far, and my heart reaches out to you on regular occasion.
Love always, Lisa and family

[karen]

You all continue to be in my prayers here in Connecticut. Amazed at your progress, hopeful there will be much more ahead :-)

[Maribeth]

I am going to a special healing service on Sunday. I will hold the entire family, but most of all Joanne up in prayer.
Blessings to you all!

[Cori]

Thank you for the update. Like many others, I think of Joanne and your family often, and am glad that progress is happening, albeit more slowly than anyone would like. You have been through so much and the struggles continue. I pray for continued healing and strength for all of you and appreciate the updates.

[Joanne LaBuda]

Thanks for the update, Toben.

I am still praying and will continue to do so. Thanks for letting us know how to pray.

Blessings,
Joanne

[Rose]

I don't know if Joanne realizes how much she is still teaching. I learn about God's love every time I read one of her Tweets. He may be molding her into a new Joanne and that is painful for all of you but for me it is miraculous and holds such hope for me. Thank you for sharing this process.

[Child of God]

Thanks for the update!
I am glad to hear you are settling in to a routine. I am always praying for Joanne and will continue to do so.

This is hard work but with God all things are possible.

Praying and praying,
<><

[Pam Houston]

I am amazed at your resolve and still managing to get on the blog with all that is on your plate. Thank you Toben for all the effort it takes in the midst of Joanne's recovery to keep us all posted. Not a day goes by that I don't lift you all to our LORD in prayer. Believing with you all for the impossibles, in in faith, in hope and in love. We know prayer makes all the difference.
A "Siesta" from So. Cal.
Pam Houston

[Margie Smallman]

Toben,

SO good to hear from you. It's fine that you've taken some time off of blogging, although I do check every several days. If I had to write out my daily life, it'd be pretty mundane too!!

You and Joanne and your girls are still kept in prayer ALL the time, nearly every day. The long road ahead and the sadness/depression are well understood here.
By the mysterious grace of God, peace and tears can co-exist.

God bless you both and keep you and make His sweet face shine upon you and give you peace.
Margie

[Real Housewife of Naperville]

Thank you very much for posting, Toben. It is good to know where you guys are at and what we can be praying for. You have all come so far in such a short time, prayers for continued progress and an abundance of peace.

[Michal]

"Ditto" to the comments of your wonderful blog friends. I pray daily, especially when I see a charm bracelet that I set out as a reminder. I check on your blog every day. Thank you so much for the update. May you have a special sense of God's sustaining power for the marathon(s).

"He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; He offers strength to the weak." Isaiah 40:29

[Jennifer]

Thank you for the update on your family. I will continue to pray from Texas for your precious family. I know in a lot of ways it must feel like you are in the desert but know that God is preparing you all for such a great season to come. Will continue to pray for all of your needs and desires.

[laura]

ditto all the above~ I find myself clicking on Joanne's photo on my blog daily to see how things are going. i agree with the first comment: thank you for your generosity of spirit to share in your most personal journey. laura

[Liz]

Soooooo glad you blogged! I've wondered how things were going & what to pray for. So happy to have a specific list of needs.

[Judy]

Thanks for the update. I had decided no news was good news. I continue to pray for Joanne and her family. You are so right about how great it is to be home from the hospital. There's nothing like taking a shower in your own bathroom and sleeping in your own bed. God bless all of you.

[Kelly]

God bless you and your family.Praying for your needs and thank God for the steps forward, though small lately.Thank you for taking the tome to catch her fans up on her progress. Much love to you all!

[Erin Koss]

Thank you for the update. You were missed. Praise and continued prayer coming your way.

Kindly,

Erin Koss

[M]

Dear Joanne,

The line that stood out the most in this post was the loss of your self identity because you could not do things like running, writing, cooking and so on. I hope and pray, God will restore everything back to you in the fullness of his time. But as for the teaching, I can say with certainty you are still teaching, not just in a conventional way.

I look at you and Toben and the rest of your family and learn

1. Faith and clinging to God during the hardest times, through the doubts and the whys, not pushing your feelings away, but working through them.
2. To spend time with God. Joanne, people have walked away from God for lesser things. You cling everyday for renewed strenth. Do you know how powerful a teaching tool that is ?
3. The true meaning of 'in sickness and in health'. I have read your other marriage posts. Again, people have walked away from a marriage for less and yet, here you both are. It is one thing to read something, quite another to see it being lived out in front of you.
4. The honesty in which your family has shown in this journey. So many people portray 'perfect lives'. You share your doubts, your struggles and your faith.
5. What a family is supposed to be.

I could go on and on. But rest assured, you are teaching Joanne. Someday, when things get better, I hope you will write about your experiences. Anyone can write books on faith or marriage, but I would rather buy a book from someone who lived through the storm and got out whole.

Blessings,
M

[Kim Feth]

Thank you so much for sharing your limited time and giving us an update. The Feth family will definitely continue to lift you up in prayer.
Peace,
Kim Feth
Apex, NC

[Kathy Rivera]

This blog is such a source of encouragement, a clarion call to prayer and a reminder that we are one Body in Christ. It is a new season for each of you and God continues to remold you for a high calling! We aren't allowed to chose our 'platforms' but God positions us to make the greatest impact for eternity.
Thank you for taking the time to update us. It is our calling to pray and intercede and we will. We see thru a glass darkly but one day, Face to Face!
Kathy in Idaho.

[anna]

I'm so glad for this post. Not for the discouragements, but for the lights that the little joys must be for you. Keep clinging to those. You have been in my prayers for almost 7 months now (since your stroke), and I'm not stopping the praying anytime soon!! =)

[Colette]

I am still praying for ALL of you!
Praying Psalm 18:32
"It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect."
I am thanking God for His perfect way for you!
Keep your Faith and continue to trust Him!

[~H~]

My dad is going though the same thing (in fact, you talked to my mom at Littleton and Spalding). Our family is just a couple months behind you and I am constantly reading your blogs and praying for your family as well as mine. I have full, 100% confidence that Joanne and my dad will fully recover and be able to do the things they once loved. I remember only 3 months ago we were excited when the only thing my dad could do after surgery was raise his thumb for "yes" answers, and that's when we knew the doctors were wrong and he was himself. Now, we are excited that he is making complete steps. Imagine what him and Joanne will be doing in just months from now! Praying every day with love and confidence <3

[blessed]

Thank you for the update, Toben.

We love you, Joanne!!!!!!

(BIG HUG from CA)

lisa craddock

[Jenn]

It is so good to hear how you are taking care of your family. Thank you. What a blessing that is for you all and for me, to hear it. Be encouraged. What is it we're told by Paul? not to give up even when the reward seems way off or not apparent. One day and one event at a time. Plus, take care of yourself too. I stopped and lifted you all in prayer to our Heavenly Father. Never give up. Jenn

[Shannon Schulz]

Toben -
I've wanted to email you but realize now that I don't have your address! My parents are back with Heather now in Highlands Ranch. I'd love to ask you some questions about book stuff, when you are up to it!
Shannon Schulz
schulzfive@gmail.com

[Karene]

You are all in my prayers. Can't believe that tomorrow it's been 6 months since Joanne's stroke. You all have become such a part of my prayer life, even though you don't know me. Sending love from So. Cal.

[Andy]

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[Sherry Maxwell]

Joanne, I could only imagine what you maybe going though. So glad you have God by your side.
You have by prayers to for a quick recovery. So many wonderful people are praying for you. I know God is all around you. I to am fighting some of the same feelings of lost. ("loss of your self identity because you could not do things like running, writing, cooking and so on.) Three years ago, I was told I couldn't work anymore due to my back problems. I die two years before that, and the CPR that saved my life, damage 4 disc. They have now become very painful. I can't even do simple things like dishes, laundry, or just some cleaning. I cant even go to the grocery store alone. It has taken almost all of my independence away. I'm trying to stay focused on God's purpose and not my own. He is in FULL control of our lives. Your and I both have to lean of the Lord. So rest and be a sure he will have you back up and doing his will. Maybe in a different way, but it will still be the way of the Lord. Be strong my sister in Christ. God bless you and your family. Sherry

[Sandra]

First of all I want to say that you are one blessed family!
I came upon this blog tonight, while looking up sewing patterns and spent the last 3 hours reading through the bigger part of it! WOW!
There would be a lot more people recovering more quickly from illness, if all had such a loving and caring family behind them!

As for finding the new identity- my husband has been unable to run for 10 years (due to an accident). It took him two years to walk again and get out of the wheel chair and he is in pain every single day! It is hard for me some days to see him like that and not be able to do anything about it. There still are things we can't do due to his injuries....

So, we put our trust in the LORD always and take it one day at a time and rejoice in the little things and do what we can do!

And we know that all things work together for the good to them that love GOD. Romans 8:28

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