I have written here before about D. (Joanne's physical therapist) and the stroke that her sister L. suffered almost a month ago now. This morning D. was here at the house and I was struck by the idea of resilience. With everything she is going through D. shows up three days a week to work with Joanne and I think every time she is here she has a smile on her face and a great attitude. I have never seen her downcast or troubled. So either she has some amazing will power to just buck up and deal with it or there is something else in there that allows her to cope with a crazy-tough situation.
It is amazing to me how people can suffer horribly and somehow it gets to feeling like some kind of normal at some point. I know that with Joanne, as hard as her situation is, there is a normalcy to it. Not a comfortable normalcy in the "everything is just fine the way it is " vein. But a "this is the way it is for now so lets do the best we can with what we got" sort of normalcy. Living in this space is a struggle for all of us I think. It requires that we stay in the moment and not borrow trouble from the future. That's where depression comes from--borrowing trouble from tomorrow or next week or next month.
I was talking to a friend on the phone and he mentioned that the monastics practice this presence-in-the-moment discipline and it got me thinking about important it is to practice that in my own life. I think it's probably important for all of us, no matter what's happening. I will be the first to admit that this is insanely difficult. For me, the morning is the worst time--that 15 minutes between when I wake up and when I get out of bed. My mind races without fail and I have to force my thoughts this way and that way to avoid the darkness. But it is ever present. I know it's worse for Joanne. We have talked about it and she wrestles mightily.
Prayer requests:
1. Resilience! Please pray that for all who suffer and for those who love them that God would provide a deep well of resilience to draw from that is present because our hope is in Him who can do far more to minister to us than we can even conceive.
2. This may seem like a silly one, but Joanne is getting a haircut today. A good one might put a little spring in her step. So pray for a great cut!
3. Praise the Lord for all the people that have come around Joanne, that minister to her body and spirit. Thank God for the PT, the OT, the massage therapist, the adaptive yoga instructor, the orthodics specialist, the doctors, the nurses, friends and family that are all on her team. It blows me away to see the investment that so many have poured in. For some it may be just a job, but it is clear that for others there is a deeper connection there, and we are blessed by it.
Toben
Powerful update! Will continue to pray your requests.
Peace,
Kim Feth
Apex, NC
Posted by: Kim Feth | February 20, 2012 at 01:46 PM
Love you all dearly and praying for --praising too!--all that you asked, my brother. So thankful, very thankful, for you Toben. You are a praise, too!! :) Gotta get you and Chris shooting soon!
Oh and I finally subscribed by email....ha! Taking a social media break and do not want to miss a post here.
Posted by: Holly Smith | February 20, 2012 at 02:48 PM
What a blessing it is when the Lord allows us to see His qualities in others. Praying for your family and sending love.
Posted by: Lina Bickel | February 20, 2012 at 08:17 PM
Very interesting post about new "normals" and dealing with prolonged crisis or suffering, etc. Many of us have been there and can identify with what you said, even though it may not be specifically related to a stroke or paralysis or multiple surgeries.
My husband and I were talking this morning about the disciplines that make up our walk with God. We have recently experienced fasting and have been amazed at the far-reaching effects of this practice. Paul talks about reigning in the body or our human side. When it comes to something as primary as weight loss and eating properly, I have taken the course of saying to my body (i.e., myself!), "You get something to eat when I SAY you get something to eat!" This has changed my perspective regarding "lack of control."
It's the same with the woman caregiver who comes to your house. She is practicing the discipline of staying positive and meeting other's needs (and so much more).
Over my lifetime I have seen my patience for what I want/need grow short because everything has become "instant." I'm afraid this has not been as beneficial to me. Hearing you say how you are experiencing the current new normal and the patience with which you are adjusting is incredibly beneficial to all of us. Thank you AGAIN for your openness. We continue to intercede on your behalf and thank God for the parallel blessings throughout this past year.
Posted by: Sheryl in Florida | February 21, 2012 at 07:48 AM
Praying for resilience and strength as you all adjust to this "normal". And praise God for all of Joanne's wonderful caregivers! I believe there are special places in Heaven for those who serve others in these capacities, and I am grateful for them always.
How did the new haircut turn out? :)
Posted by: Rebecca Presnell | February 21, 2012 at 05:55 PM
Hi Joanne,
I sure do hope your hair cut pleases you. :)
Praying and praying for perseverance and resilience.
<><
Posted by: Child of God | February 22, 2012 at 06:52 PM
Hi Toben and Joanne-Great post. I struggle with staying in the moment and depression can sneak up on me too. You all are often in my thoughts and prayers. Praying for that resilience and the discipline it takes to enjoy each moment.
Posted by: missi | February 23, 2012 at 06:13 PM
Sweetness is near you and you have a lot of love for everyone keep up the great job Toben
Posted by: rena | February 23, 2012 at 10:46 PM
You all cross my mind so often. Thinking of and praying for you. Thrilled to read of the progress, still praying for the giant leap toward healed. And for the endurance.... You two have a keener sense than most of humanity what it means to focus on the truly important and fully love in the moment. Bless you all.
Posted by: K. Kelley | February 27, 2012 at 05:12 PM
Joanne & Toben,
We've never met but i've been following your story from the very beginning. To this day i find myself checking once a week or so anxiously waiting to see if you've written again (just tonight realized I could save myself some time & subscribe - duh!). Anyway, just wanted to tell you how much i admire the way you've walked through this sudden and unexpected ordeal. It's obvious you have been a blessing to not just myself but to countless people as you've shared the ups, the downs & the in betweens of your life. Thank you for opening your hearts to complete strangers and showing us what it looks like to walk through the deepest valley & still keep the Faith! So many times when i'm on my treadmill you come to mind. It is then I lift you up before the Father realizing that at any time He could change the direction of my life as well. I hope and pray that i'm able to bring a fraction of the glory you've both brought to Him. You've shown us beautifully how it's done and I thank you for that. Please know that you are not forgotten & I just wanted to tell you that! Blessings to your whole family, Karen
Posted by: Karen | March 11, 2012 at 05:48 PM