This and That (Toben)

I asked Joanne what I should blog about. She is trying to take a nap so asking her that question, at this time, probably won't get the best response. How about an, "I don't know." Fair enough. But I feel like catching you all up on the Heim's.

I was almost out the door to work today when Gran came over and told me that I-25 was closed due to an accident. I called Ryan and he told me not to worry about fighting the traffic to get down to the Springs. I am working on a very cool book project for him so getting more time to write in my favorite space was a good thing--I love sitting at the kitchen table and having at it. I find that I do most of my writing there. I cranked out about 3000 words, which for me is pretty good at a sitting. Now I will spend time buffing up the work I have done and try to give it a little polish.

I am a strong believer in the cruddy-first-draft camp: get it on the page and fix it later. It feels so good to be writing again! I am a little surprised. I have been blogging but that feels different somehow than working on a manuscript or a proposal. I think it's like jumping into a cold pool on a hot summer day. it feels bad for about 10 seconds and then it feels so good! Tackling a book project feels much the same for me. Getting those first words down is TOUGH, but after that it's a pretty good rush!

I did something that I haven't done for a LONG time. I actually started with an outline. This is like writing 101 but I actually write one down and then followed it up with chapter summaries. Crazy how the basics still apply even when you have a few books under your belt.

But enough about me. I know you come to the blog to hear about Joanne so here you go:

Joanne got a GREAT haircut this past weekend. She hadn't had it cut in months and months so we made her an appointment with Jlynn (our favorite) and she got a great looking (and easy to style) new haircut. Here is the deal--some haircuts require a thing called a "flat-iron." I call it a burned off ear lobe waiting to happen. So I pleaded with Joanne and Jlynn, "nothing that will involve me flat-ironing Joanne's hair!" Well they heard my pleas and I don't have to pick up that instrument of potential torture. Joanne looks like a million bucks and can pretty much do her hair herself with one hand. Of course Audrey and I both have opinions on how it should be done so one or the other of us is always up in Joanne's business while she is styling, but such is life.

Life has been pretty quiet since Beth Moore a couple of weeks ago. Sister Kristen was nice enough to bring dinner the other night. We have make-it-yourself pizzas. She made the dough up fresh, cooked it on the griddle then we each got to "decorate" our own pizza and pop it in the oven. Oh my gosh it was good! I think the best part was the fresh mozzerella.

Joanne is sad lately. I think she is has been hit again with the notion of all that she has lost. Not sure what has brought this on, but the loss of identity and ability to do the things she used to love is definitely in play. I can't imagine what it must be like to have lost the use of a limb! If her arm and hand still worked, she would be typing this blog, but one-handed typing is hard for her and she doesn't like it so there that goes out the window. If her arm and hand still worked she would still be crafting, cooking, and doing all sorts of other things that she enjoys. But as she says, "My left hand isn't on the team!" 

What about her leg and foot? If they still worked she would be running--something she misses more than almost anything. She would be able to get around the house easier. She could get in and out of the car, walk around the grocery store or the mall without a struggle. 

But she has lost both, and that is bugging her a lot lately. Why didn't the stroke just take one and leave the other? How nice that would be! Well, that's not how strokes work I guess. You loose the left side or the right side, but your definitely loosing a whole side! I have on-going conversations with her massive team of doctors, shooting off emails about this and that and looking for guidance and encouragement. I guess I am looking for the magic bullet--the one thing she can do that'll fix it! But none of them posses such knowledge...nor do I really expect them to have it. But I am compelled to ask and they are nice enough to respond. But the news is mostly sad.

So we fill Joanne's days in simple ways. She always looks forward to a good breakfast, which Emma always makes for her. One waffle, properly crispy, with butter and syrup topped with two eggs over medium. She has had this every days for months except on donut days which happen on either Saturday or Sunday.

If it is nice out and not too hot Joanne enjoys sitting on the deck. We ahve a little pond (which she dug a couple of years ago) and it makes a nice, relaxing sound. She spend a good amount of time each morning reading her Kindle. I am never sure what book she is into but she loves spy novels. Then there is second breakfast. Some would call it an early lunch but to Joanne it is second breakfast. Maybe a little more time reading then she is often upstairs for a rest. She especially enjoys it when her cat Joey joins her (which he has today).

And that's about it. Sometimes there are errands to run or trips to make her and there to picj up or drop off this or that. But mostly she is here, in the house. She is rarely alone though. Emma tends to stick close and I am never far away. Audrey is in "Audrey world." She is almost 14 and I suppose that is to be expected. So that's about it.

Emma is over cooking with Gran today. They are making all kinds of yummy things, some of which will make their way into our home to be gobbled up.

Audrey is off to Walgreen's. This probably doesn't sound like a big deal but she does have to cross a pretty good sized road to get there. I want to protect her and tell her "no way are you going across that road!" but the kid is almost 14. So off she goes, finding her freedom. I am OK with that. Oh my gosh, when I was 14 I had the run of the neighborhood. Joanne too. We used to go MILES from home with instructions to "be home by dinner." And I think that started when I was about 10! Audrey is 14 and if she wants to go to Walgreen's, I need to let her give it a go. I sent her out the door with instruction not to get run-over. Plus I said a little prayer to the same effect.

So, it's not thrilling but it is an update none the less. I have been deeply encouraged by a number of comments and emails that have come to Joanne's facebook account or through the blog comments. It means so much to both of us to hear from everyone and to know that people are praying. Speaking of which:

Prayer requests:

1. Please pray for Joanne's spirits as she is down lately. She needs encouragement.

2. Please pray that those of us closest to Joanne will have wisdom, compassion, encouragement, and patience. 

3. Please pray that Audrey doesn't get run over, literally or figuratively, as she finds her freedom.

Toben

 

Comments

[JULIE]

Dear Toben, Joanne and girls . . .

So happy to see a post today! Glad you are all well and eating yummy food! I read you had pie the other day and homemade pizza . . . Wow! Yummy!

Toben, I love that you have a writing project! Sounds like you are enjoying it!

Joanne ~ I love getting my hair done! As far as the flat iron thing goes . . . those things burn fast and quick. I don't know how many times I have heard that nasty sizzle. Even with two hands to maneuver the crazy thing I still get forehead burns from time to time. I hope you enjoy your new style!

I was thinking about Joanne . . . would it be possible for her to speak the words on an app that would put the words to the blog for her? Just a thought.

Emma, it sounds like you have been quite the help! So proud of you!

Letting our kids "grow up" is so hard! Audrey has such good parents! Toben and Joanne, you are doing an AWESOME job.

Have a great evening . . . We will keep you in our prayers!

[Kim Feth]

Praying! Especially for Joanne's spirits and for Audrey to not get run over. Have you tried Dragon Speak which would transcribe Joanne's words so that she could blog that way?
Peace,
Kim Feth
Apex, NC

[Stacey Frazier]

Hey Toben. I know how Joanne is feeling right now. Today has been an especially hard day for me at the office. I too have had a sad day with many tears, including reading about Joanne's spirits. I pray she has a great evening with you and the girls. ~Stacey

[Maryellen]

Hi Toben:
I don't know what it is called but a girl I work with had really bad carpel tunnel and they gave her a device that she could talk into and it would type the words for her.She never had to use her hands at all.
Maybe that would work for Joanne? She could get back into her writing and blogging.

[Michelle From Australia]

I thought it was a great post Toben!

[Steve Lambert]

I was thinking about Dragon Speak or some similar transcription software too. Or for that matter... even the idea of hiring someone to transcribe audio recordings of Joanne's 'writing'. I'm sure she has MORE TO SAY THAN EVER and a ready audience to hear her.

[Karene]

Hi Toben, I'm trying to post on facebook as my computer now won't let me post otherwise. I've posted over the last couple of years, although you don't know me. Continuing to pray for all of you. Thank you for keeping everyone informed on how to pray for and encourage you. You are a wonderful writer, and I'm so excited to hear about this new project. I will pray for Joanne's spirits especially right now. And I also have a teenage girl, so I can relate to the emotional roller-coaster that goes along with that stage, even without the major upheaval your family has gone through. You are loved by so many people throughout the world! Thank you again for the updates!

[Steph]

Hey Toben, I've only commented one other time on your blog, but I follow it regularly to keep up with your family. You have all been in my thoughts and prayers since Joanne's stroke and I will continue to pray for her spirits and your strength. Thank you for being so honest in your posts and for showing us what it looks like to trust God through hard times. Long hard times. I can't wait to see what He's got in store for your family's future ... this isn't the end of the story! May God bless your home with the richness of His presence and with much joy and laughter.

[Sandy]

Toben, I have monitored Joanne's blog since she had her stroke but I think this is the first time I have commented. Most days I'm able to read it and walk away, but today i felt like I needed to say something. Having faced many difficult situations in the past 10 years, I can sympathize with how Joanne is feeling. But I think there comes a time when you must let go of the past and start living again. Instead of dwelling on what you have lost, you must give thanks for what you still have. you still have one good leg and one good arm. There are those who have been totally paralyzed and left without the use of either. You can speak. My friend lost his speech when he had his stroke. You have family that love you and care for you. There are many who are put away for some stranger to take care of. You have so much to be thankful for and I believe healing comes when we are thankful for what we DO have. Please don't let the enemy drag you off into a land of pity. Let God take you to the land of plenty. You still have plenty to enjoy and you have plenty to share with others. Make the most of what you do have and don't worry or fret over what you don't have. Make the devil sorry he ever came into your presence that morning. You have a choice. It's your decision. I hope my words don't seem critical because that is not what's in my heart. I just know that when you've done all that you can physically do, God will bless your efforts and make the outcome so much more than we could ever hope for. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. I've been there.

[JennyJoT]

Hi Toben,
Just wanted to tell you about a beautiful young woman (18, I believe) who had a stroke on June 29th after surgery to remove a cyst on her brain. Her name is McKenzie King and you can find her group on FB (McKenzie King's Update). Her dad writes the updates. The family are all very strong Christians and a lot of people are praying and offering support, but I thought perhaps you and especially Joanne could really minister to them. Check it out if you feel so led.
On a different note, has Joanne read anything by Dick Francis? She might like his books.

[Anonymous]

I love this blog, but something that confuses me...We prayed and you prayed for God to save Joanne's life--and He did. Don't you think that if He can save her life He can restore the use of her limbs? I don't see any hint of you all going that route in terms of your prayers. There are quite a few good healing prayer ministries in the country, and I have seen people get healed at them--Christian Healing Ministries in Florida is one of them. I think in terms of prayer and drawing closer to the Lord and all, you quit before He was done His work. I was reading the story of when He fed the 4,000. The crowd was there getting healed, but then they found themselves without food after being with Jesus for three days. But instead of the Lord saying, "Well, I healed you...what more could you possibly want?" He said, "I have compassion on them. If we send them away with nothing, they will not make it home (my paraphrase)," so He did another miracle and fed them. So...to me this is very similar. He began a good work by saving Joanne but has not finished it. He loves you and your family, but this isn't about money or possessions, or a Christian school. This is about getting to know Jesus. You all, materially, have WAY much more than I've ever had, plus you have a family--something else I don't have, so I don't know...don't miss the real point of all of this. Read the Gospels and get to know Jesus and understand He still heals even today. Imagine how He would be glorified through you all if there was a complete healing and all the hope that would bring to so many countless people.

[kimberly]

Interesting comments....
Just wanted to pop in and say--I LOVE YOU!!! No matter what you can, or cannot do, no matter what--it is simply for WHO YOU ARE!!!!! Your body has changed-and I am so sad for that, more than words can possibly express, but I know your soul and your heart are so amazing simply because you are YOU.
--
I remember being in such awe of all you could do, and how productive you always seemed to be-even embroidering little things while we visited, and creating the most wonderful gifts, all your cooking and baking and on and on.

But it was more than all of that. When we would sit and visit, whether at a tea room, or one of our homes, or the park,the joy came from simply being with you. You made each person you were with feel somehow...better, listened to, appreciated, loved.

I don't know how to explain it. I am not a writer like you and my words often fail me. But I hope you can read my heart. You are oh so precious to me. How I wish I wasn't so far away. Grr. It is so frustrating.

I think the sadness only makes sense. I do. I know the joy all the things you did gave others and gave yourself. You are so wonderful and talented and gifted. It must be so incredibly frustrating not to be able to express that in the ways you are used to. I can't even imagine.

The constant pain and battle with your own body must be simply exhausting. I am so sorry, my dear friend.

I just want you to know that you are more than what you do. And you are loved.

[Deidre]

I love reading the updates. I think of all of you often and am continuing to pray. I love to know how to pray specifically for your present needs. Love you, Joanne!

[christy brawand]

Hi Toben and Joanne. I'm Ryan Lokkesmoe's mother-in-law (Joanne's Greek teacher at Denver Seminary). I've never commented before, but want you to know I've followed your blog ever since Joanne had her stroke and have prayed for your family since then by name. I have been so blessed to see you go through such deep waters in such a God-honoring way. I am praying for encouragement. I know God intends to continue to use you and your family in ways far beyond your highest thoughts.

[Edith]

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[Heather]

Just subscribed, but have followed Joanne's story and visited the blog regularly. I will continue to pray for your family. My husband pastors a church in Houston, and years ago had the privilege as a youth pastor to have Katie in our youth group. I follow Joanne's and Katie's blogs and have felt such connections between the two stories, but tonight was prompted to introduce you to her blog as you mentioned the great difficulty of Joanne losing the use of both an arm and a leg, please take a moment to meet baby Eve at http://babyevecatherine.blogspot.com/. If nothing else, I pray the photos will inspire you. Praying God's continued grace and blessings for all of the Heims.

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