Joanne Heim

Facebook Fast II (Toben)

So I have been off of facebook for a month. That was to be the period of my FB fast. But having been off of it for a month I feel like I'm not really interested in going back. The first week was REALLY hard. I had to fight the urge to just take a peek at what was going on in FB world. But now I don't even think about it. It's interesting to to me that something I was so in to now seems so unimportant. 

So what do you think? Should I re-enter FB world or continue my fast? One thing is for sure: if I go back it will be with parameters--15 minutes a day tops. I would like to know what's going on with friends and family so I do see a lot of value in FB but I would need to be disciplined or I would slide back into my hour-a-day habit. Can't do that! Too much other important stuff to do.

Thoughts?

Toben

Mental Health Days II (Toben)

I'd love to hear from some of you parents out there as to how you feel about "mental health days" for your kids in which you allow them to stay home from school? Please comment!

Audrey is taking a mental health day today. She doesn't have any tests or other big assignments due and I just got the sense hanging out with her last night that she was pretty fried. Cherry Creek is academically more demanding for Audrey than was Denver Christian. Being at such a small school last year allowed her to get a lot of individual attention whereas this year she is a little more on her own. She has some access to her teachers but not like she did. So she is left to figure it out for herself a little more than she is used to.

Anyhow, she seemed pretty fragile to me last night so this morning when I went into her room a little after 5 a.m. to get her up we talked for a minute and I offered her the opportunity to stay home today. She was so grateful and immediately went back to sleep, which is probably what she will do for much of the day. She will get caught up on her rest, do a little bit of studying to make sure she is really on top of things and that's about it. I don't feel bad at all for letting her stay home.

Part of it is that this was how I was raised. School was important but not at the cost of my own mental health. If I was getting burned out or if there was an opportunity to have a great adventure, my parents were always very good about letting me miss school. I remember how much that meant to me. High school was not a great fit for me so any breaks I could get were much appreciated.I think I graduated hisgh school with a low GPA of like 2.8 or something. But I went on to go to college and graduated with a 3.8 GPA. Not to shabby for a kid who took a fair share of days off in high school!

Anyhow, I really would love to hear from others of you on your thoughts about these days off.

Prayer request:

Please pray that Audrey would have a day of rest and restoration.

Toben

In the Swing of Things (Toben)

It feels like we might just have hit the swing of things this week. Getting the girls up and out in the mornings has gone well. Getting Joanne up and ready for her day has been easy. Having family and friends in the house to spend time with Joanne has been great and work has gone really well for me. This feels like a "normal" week. or at least what I hope a normal week will feel  like as we move into the Fall. Joanne even managed to get a massage in yesterday, which is always a big deal.

Side note: massage has been Joanne's most effective therapy. Afterwards she is loose and pain free. That's a big deal! Brooke, our much beloved massage therapist, does an amazing job and has worked with Joanne for almost a year! She really knows Joanne's body and and knows what to work on when Joanne is on the table.

Audrey has become obsessed with Johnny Depp. Enough said.

Emma is trucking right along. I have seen some real maturing in her lately. Emma is a classic worrier and in the past has been prone to panic if something in her routine goes wrong. But this week she forgot her lunch and when she realized it on the way to school she didn't panic. She also forgot a homework assignment at the house this week. Again, no panic on her part. This may sound like a small deal but it is a big step forward for her. She is able to take those things in stride. Gran was able to drop off a lunch and I took her homework to school before heading to work. It all worked out and I think continues to build confidence in Emma that she has people around her that will help and support her when she needs it (and even when she doesn't).

I have to give props to my mom. She asked if she could take a room of the house once a week and "fix it up". We said sure! She tackled the dining room last week. The big beautiful table we have in there had become a dumping ground for everything that came into the house. We had old mail, school work, therapy equipment, and even an old coffee maker sitting in there. Plus we had a centerpiece that was still up from Christmas. Hmmmm...needed work. On top of that we had a lot of dedicated space taken up by crystal and silverware and china that we have maybe used 5 times in all the years that we have been married. So we decided to box all that up to make storage room for other things. My mom jumped in with both feet and whipped that dining room into shape. Then we celebrated by actually sitting around that table for a meal. What a treat!

Yesterday she tackled the kitchen table area which was another dumping ground, and packed up some dishes and cookbooks that we never use. Oh, and the magazines! We had stacks and stacks of magazines, some of them years old, that we never look at so we put those in recycle, taking out the especially fancy ones to donate to Goodwill. Agian, order is restored to another room in the house. I am sure she'll be ready to tackle another room next week.

Today we are going on another mountain drive with my folks. Joanne has really enjoyed the couple of times we have headed to the mountains just to see what there is to see. No idea where my dad plans to take us today but wherever we go, it'll be great to be out in God's creation. And we usually end up in some little diner or cafe for lunch which is always fun.

Guess that's about it!

Prayer requests:

1. Thanks and praise for my mom and her servants heart.

2. Thanks a praise for a good normal week and prayer that this will continue!

3. Thanks and praise that Emma continues to grow and mature from and amazing kid to a more confident tween.

Toben

You Are My Density (Toben)

One of my favorite movie moments comes from Back to the Future when George McFly approaches Lorraine in the diner in an attempt to woo her and says, "Lorraine, you are my density." Of course he means to say destiny, but it just doesn't come out right. I love that. More than once I have told Joanne, "You are my density." And she always gives me a wry smile and looks at me like, "You are a little weird." Of course she is right.

But in a very real sense, she is my destiny. And I am hers. God put us together for a reason and even with the stroke I would choose her all over again, becasue she and I were destined to be together. And I guess I have to accept that God knew what was ahead of us and in a few ways prepared us for what was coming. Joanne and I have had more that 20 years together. We have had a lot of really good times, and some hard ones too. But through almost all of it it was clear to both of us that we were somehow meant to be together. I think that knowledge at a very core level has been what has kept us together. Even when things have been hard it is a core beliefe that we are each other's density.

So the stroke. Not what we would have chosen to be destined for. And it raises questions daily. The obvious one is why. Why did God allow this to happen? We don't have an answer to that one. Funny thing is that a lot of people email and tell us what they think God's purpose was in all of this, but I have yet to get an email where I jumped up and said, "That's it! This person has discovered why God has allowed this to happen!" Sometimes some of the senitiment will ring true but at the end of the day I think Joanne and I are both trying to figure out the why.

And then the next questions is how. How do we make a good life out of such a hard situation? I think we figure this one out a little bit at a time and by some trial and error. At the end of a particularly hard day we will talk about what made it so tough and try to make a list of things not to do again! And on good days we make that same list--what made today so good so that we can repeat it? Of course this is all very fluid. Most days are a combination of good and bad. It's just a matter of how the day slants. 

I think alot about my favorite Bible characters and their destiny. I think most of all of Joseph and the path that his life took. He went through some very, very hard times. Much harder than most of us could bear up under. And yet he ended up in a position to glorify God and save his family from the drought. It's an epic story. Makes me realize that Joanne and I and the girls are also living out an epic story. It's not a short story or even a novel. It's an epic! And the thing with epics is that they are long and sweeping and full of twists and turns and lessons to be learned and mistakes made and victories won. 

And I think that is our destiny. To live out this epic life, roll with the punches, celebrate the victories and hold on for the ride. We have no idea where it will take us but it is our "density."

Prayer request:

Evey epic has a sense of adventure. Please pary that we would celebrate the adventure even when the going is tough.

Toben

 

Nice Move Toben (Toben)

So today I officially started my new role at Family Talk as Senior Managing Copywriter. This is a dream job for me. I have always wanted to write for a living and now I have a chance to do that. So I got in the car today for my 45 minute commute to the Springs ready to embrace this new and exciting challenge...and I left my laptop on the couch. I didn't figure it out until I got to Monument (about half and hour from home). So basically I showed up for work without the tools of the trade. Nice move Toben! Fortunately I have been working with the team for more than two years so it wasn't like I was making a first impression, but still...

Luckily MT ( my friend and new boss) had two huge binders of stuff for me to review. So I have my hands full for the next days. I'll be sure to update you on how the new job goes.

This weekend we blew out Joanne's AFO (ankle foot orthotic). One of the straps that has been looking particularly worn finally gave up the ghost and ripped off. So Joanne's mom got her an appointment to go get it fixed. Jeff (our brilliant orthitics guy) was able to sneak her in for an appointment thanks to a cancellation. So he went to work on that AFO. He replaced all the straps, re-shaped it in a few places and redid the padding. The thing looks better than new and Joanne says it very comfortable. Seeing as she spends 10 hours a day in the thing it's nice to have it in tip-top shape. 

Shortly after we got home Emma emailed me that she wasn't feeling well. Technically she is not supposed to be able to email me during class but she has G3 connectivity on her iPad so she can email even though the school network is locked. I sure hope no one from Denver Chrsitian is reading this--we'll be busted! Anyhow, I ran out and picked her up and she is now on the couch with a fever. Poor kid.

Joanne had a meatloaf sandwich and is now buried deep in her Kindle. Audrey doesn't come home for a couple of hours so I can get back to work!

Can't believe that when people ask me what I do I can now tell them that I am a writer...and not be lying. I have written a couple of books and a lot of blogs but I find copy writing to be some of the most demanding writing because the language has to be so precise. Blogs are free flowing and with books you have 50,000 words to play with, so if you waste a few, no big deal. But with copy you get a very limited number of words to communicate very big and important ideas. I honestly feel like I have been preparing for a long time for an opportunity like this one. 

So now I have the rest of the afternoon to work. Fun stuff!

Prayer requests:

1. Please pray that Emma will feel better soon. She is a very conscientious student and HATES to miss school.

2. Praise! I am so excited about this new job! 

3. Prayers of thanks for the team of professionals that have come alongside Joanne and our family to make her journey and progress possible.

Toben

 

Those Cruel Shoes! (Toben)

Joanne loves shoes and has for as long as I have known her. Her favorite are heals, which is sort of funny becasue she is already almost 6 feet tall, so in heels she is a tall drink of water (as they say). But she loves them and they look great on her. I go in the closet every day and I see all her shoes, just waiting there to be worn. For the last year and a half Joanne has worn a total of four pairs of shoes, none of them particularly attractive. She had a pair of running shoes that would stretch over her AFO that got quickly worn out.  Then she got a pair of lace-up Dansko shoes that sort of fit but they were never really comfortable on her. She got a pair of Merrell's at REI that were to provide a little more support. Finally Kristen gave her a pair of Adidas that they were selling at their garage sale. These have fit the best so far. So going from a closet full of shoes of all shapes and sizes to a pair of garage sale shoes is pretty tough on her. She oftern laments her inability to wear her favorite shoes. I have taken to calling them "the cruel shoes" becasue they sit in the closet and sort of mock her. But at least we have something that works well with the AFO and allows her to get around.

Audrey got ready for school in 5 minutes today. I woke her up at 5:30 and she said she was getting up. I checked on her again at 6:00 and she was still in bed but said she was getting up. Finally at 6:25 I walked in and told her it was time to go. Much to my surprise she got out of bed fully dressed. Apparently she went to bed in her clothes so that she could sleep in as late as possible. She washed her face, brushed her teeth, threw on a hoodie and was out the door. I find that to be pretty hilarious! She doesn't really wear make up so she doesn't have all of that to worry about and her hair is a non issue so she is about as low maintenance as you can get. We got to school just fine and she was in a good mood all the way so it was a win for everyone. I wish it would work out for me to pick her up after school but Emma gets out at the same time and we have to pick her up so we cna't get over to Creek to get Audrey. I just remember what a drag the bus was. But it serves its purpose.

Have I told you about second dinner? This is hilarious. Every night we tend to eat a bit on the early side--maybe around 5:15 or 5:30. Then we clean up the kitchen and around 6:15 Joanne goes up to take her shower. After that we get her ready for bed and she usually reads for an hour or more. So she is generally ready to sleep a little after 8. Usually a half hour will go by and one or the other of the girls will come in and request second dinner. They are hungry again and want something to eat before they go to bed. So here's what we do: we head to the local Steak and Shake and buy grilled cheese sandwiches. They are like $1.50 and they are GOOD! They make them on Texas toast and use those American cheese slices that melt so nicely. So we get a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches and then come home and sit around the table to eat.

This is extremely valuable time! First off, I always take one of them with me, and the Steak and Shake line is the slowest drive thru line in the history of fast food. So we have LOTS of time to sit and talk while we wait for our food. The conversations are priceless. I learn more about what it going on in their lives while we sit there in the car than at any other point in the day. They are a captive audience. Same is true for when we get home and sit around the table. They just open up and talk about what they are going through and how they are feeling. So let's hear it for second dinner! It's the best $3.00 that I ever spend.

Prayer Request:

Please pray that the girls keep talking to me. As long as they keep talking we are in good shape. If they stop talking then I will be worried!

Toben

The Fourth Week? Really? (Toben)

The girls start their fourth week of school this week. I can't believe it! Time is flying! Both are doing so well. Emma has settled into all her classes, loves her teachers and her friends. She is studious as ever and stays on top of her assignments and homework. 

Audrey has gone Cherry Creek Crazy! She went to the home opener football game this week complete with red and blue body paint. The girl has spirit. Unfortunately Creek lost to Pomona but I don't think that changed Audrey's mood in the least. She was there for the party!

The weekend was pretty mellow. Didn't really do much or see much. Ran a few little errends including picking up Audrey a homecoming dress a tour local thrift store for a whopping $16. It looks great on her and really is a beautiful dress. It is all black and lacey and I think she plans on wearing her all black Converse with it. More power to her! Audrey is one of those kids that can look beautiful no matter what she's wearing or how she does her hair. I know I am biased but I think she looks like a model. 

Emma went to spend the night with my folks on Friday night. Now that Bethany is back at college, Emma has "her room" back. She says that Bethanny's bed is the most comfortable in the world. Not to mention that she has blockout blinds in there so Emma is always in for a good night's sleep when she stays down there.

On Saturday night we got to go to Red Robin with my folks in Castle Rock so taht we could get Emma back and have some time to visit with them. We are planning another back woods drive that my dad had found that goes in and behind Breckenridge. It's supposed ot be a beutiful drive. We are going on Thursday while the girls are at school. Joanne loves these drives and says , "It's as close to a nature hike as you can get without the hike." So stoked that my dad is finding these great places for us to adventure to. I'll be sure to post and let you know how it goes.

Joanne has officially kick morphine. It took almost three weeks of feeling lousy, but she is now past all of that. Mnay have commented that she seems a bit sharper without that narcotic in her system. I see it too. There is a little more sparkle there. I am so proud of her for sticking it out. Obviously she is in more pain then when she was on morphine but we are tryign to treat that with tylenol and advil. Way to go girl!

Prayer reqests:

1. Praise that Joanne is off morphine! It was a slog but she did it. So proud of her!

2. Praise that the girls are loving school so much! This has been a concern of mine for months and to see it all work out so well is an amazing blessing. Did I mention that Audrey has signed up to be the Bruin (mascot) for Creek! She should find out this week if she gets it. What a kid!

3. Praise that we are getting a new roof! The hail for ealier in th esummer did quite a number on the shake roof that we had. The insurance comapny is going to replce it all for us. Bonus!

Toben

Mental Health Day (Toben)

Call me a big softy, but when one of my girls needs a mental health day from school, I'm all for it. I pay a lot of close attention to how they are both physically and emotionally. I know when they are at the end of their rope. So when Audrey woke up yesterday and said she needed a mental health day, I was happy to oblige. If I had pushed it and gotten her to school, I think she would have started a downhill slide that might have taken us a week or more to get out of. She has become much more resilient lately, but still, when she gets stressed, tired, sad, or whatever, it still can put her in a funk for days. So Audrey spent the day at home. To her credit she spent a lot of the day studying so that when she went back today she was in a good spot to tackle the tasks ahead of her.

My mom was always good about mental health days too. I learned it from her: there are some things that are more important than school.

Joanne's folks are still in Seattle. They went up to surprise Gran's sister for her birthday. And I guess it was quite the surprise. I am so glad they got to do that! They come home Saturday. 

Big Cherry Creek football game this Friday night. I think we are going to try to go. I guess their games are a bit of a mad house and tons of people show up for the games. But I guess that is to be expected when you have a student body of almost 4000.  Not sure how their handicapped facilities are in terms of parking and seating, but we'll find out.

Looks like I am getting some new responsibilities at Family Talk. I am going to be doing some writing for them. I have always said that I wanted to make my living as a writer and here is my chance. I am so excited to get to work with the marketing team. Such a great group of people! I'll keep you posted on how the new deal works out. Hoping I can be a real asset to the team.

Joanne had a great visit with Holly yesterday. I call her "Happy Holly" becasue she is always upbeat, even with the challenges that we all face in everyday life. I have never seen her without a smile at the ready. It is so good for Joanne to get visitors. On Tuesday Shanna came over for a time of prayer with Joanne. I just love that!

Did I tell you that we went to Vail this past weekend? On Monday my Dad came and picked us up and we headed for the hills. if you turn off of I-70 there is a dirt road that takes you behind Vail and drops you off on the far side of the mountain in a little town called Minturn. It is a beautiful drive and it is about as closee to hiking as you can get without putting boots on the ground. It was so fun for Joanne to be out in nature. 

After our driving adventure we ended up in Vail and Dad treated us to lunch at Sweet Basil. Joanne and I used to go on dates to Sweet Basil 25 years ago so we have a deep and meaningful attachment to that place. The food is amazing and the ambience can't be beat. We sat near the patio and were able to watch all the people srteam by. There was a food festival going on so the place was packed. then back in the car for the drive home. We hit major traffic and it took us almost three hours to get home (usually it would take about half that time). But we survived it and in spite of that it was still a  great day. 

That's about it. Life goes on and even feels sort of "normal" sometimes. 

Prayer Requests:

1. Praise that school is going well for the girls! Audrey has signed up to be the schools mascot. I was shocked when she said she was going to go for it but she is stoked. Please pray that she has an opportunity to get involved in some way, whether as the mascot or in some other capacity.

2. Praise! Joanne is off Morphine. Coming off that medication was terrible and gave her flu like symptoms for two weeks but her body has finally adjusted. She is in a little more pain than she was, but she is more alert. She has real moxy to come off such a powerful drug that she has been on for a year and a half!

3. Praise for my new opportunity at Family Talk! Should be a blast and it is for a ministry that I really believe in. God is good!

Toben