As I have thought about this upcoming year, the word that keeps coming to mind is alignment. I would really like my head and my heart to get lined up and in sync. I want to live and make decisions and live according to the truth I know in my head rather then my feelings at the moment. I want to walk by faith, not by feelings.
Yes, my feelings are real, valid and important but they are also fickle and ever changing. In short, they aren't very relaiable or steady. So what feels good or right one day doesn't feel good or right a week later. I need some unchanging, solid stuff to hang on to. So I am praying that God takes the truth in my head based on his word and brings it down about 18 inches to effect change in my heart.
To help with that I am going to approach scrpture memory a bit differently this year. I will be doing the SSMT. Holly and I are going to be memory partners although I don't think we'll be going to Houston in a year. The idea of traveling scares me and I am not up for it especially without Toben. Here's how I'm approaching scripture memory: when I feel _________ then a verse I think might help me take those thoughts captive and bring my feelings into line with the truth. So my first one is this: When I feel overwhelmed or attacked and want to respond childishly then 1 John 4:19 in the Message--I, though, am going to love--love and be loved.
I am thinking I will make two-sided flashcards on index cards for this so that I can find how I am feeling easily and then flip the card over to the truth. I do have a few ideas for future verses and feelings--when I feel hopeless, sad, tired, like God has forgotten me , angry, betrayed, helpless, powerless, discouraged, lonely, afraid, like giving up.
I'd also like 2013 to be a year of acceptance. I want it to be a year of accepting my new reality, of being more comfortable with it, of being thankful for it even. That seems almost impossible to me, but then I remember the truth. That nothing is impossible with God, that nothing is too hard for him. While there is much that is too hard and impossible for me I can do all things through Christ in me. See, there's another card for me this year!
Joanne
P.S. I have really missed blogging! And thanks to my bossy friend Susan--I am journaling daily once again. As I journal I am hoping some of what I write down can become blog posts for Toben to type for me.
P.P.S. As always I am thinkful and overwhelmed by your constant and faithful prayers for me and my family.
Hello Joanne, good to read your words here - what a wonderful plan to have flashcards with memory verses for specific situations and struggles. My word for the year is Faith -- I keep reminding myself that "We walk by Faith, and not by Sight - II Cor. 5:7"
God bless you and may he lead you forward into 2013 with his words in your heart and may he continue to heal your heart. Love and prayers from your reader in Zurich.
Posted by: Susan | January 14, 2013 at 09:37 AM
Wow. Calling me out on your blog. Harrumph. Just wait, Miss Pot-Calling-The-Kettle-Black!
P.S. Love you, as always!
Posted by: Susan | January 14, 2013 at 09:39 AM
You still have it, Joanne! Your posts have always made me think and I am grateful for that! I flounder around in so much self pity that I sometimes to forget to look where I should be looking. I'm am also doing the SSMT this year, praying I will gather His words to grow in my faith. I love the way you said you want to 'get your head and your heart lined up and in sync'! That hit me right between the eyes, definitely something i need to work on! I hope you will continue to share your memory verses here, there are so many on the blog sometimes it's hard to read through them all. Holly will be a perfect partner for you! Thanks for sharing this morning, it's great to hear from you and your heart today!
Posted by: Bobbie | January 14, 2013 at 09:44 AM
Joanne, it is so good to hear from you and that you are journaling daily once again. Another blog spoke of that as well. So I am sensing a prompting that perhaps I need to do that,too, since I have gotten away from it. 2012 was a particularly challenging year and I am still struggling with processing all of it. Not only does your daily journaling encourage me to do it, too. I am looking forward to hearing from you more...as you are able.
Posted by: Kathleen Jaeger | January 14, 2013 at 09:49 AM
Joanne,
It's so wonderful to read a blog post from you. And, let me encourage you, acceptance does get easier. I'm approaching my 20th anniversary of life in a wheelchair. It's not always easy, but the new reality eventually becomes reality and the sadness of what has been lost is tempered. God will meet you and continue to guide you!
With love!
Posted by: Angela | January 14, 2013 at 09:52 AM
Joanne, I had just stumbled upon your blog and had been reading archives when you had your stroke. I enjoy reading the updates from Toben but I really love it when you post. Thoughts of you come to my mind often. I feel those are prompts for me to pray for you. I am 40, parenting 2 girls (ages 15 & 11) and have an amazing, caring husband like you. I love to read, too, like you. Even though we have never met, I can relate to some aspects of your life.
I so appreciate your honesty when you write.
Your post today was a great idea about the two sided cards. I am going to do that.
May your day be blessed. Niki
Posted by: Niki Hughes | January 14, 2013 at 10:00 AM
Sending you love, hugs, and blessings! But then, you have had them all along, just didn't know it. ;)
Posted by: Maribeth | January 14, 2013 at 10:15 AM
I am so excited to hear that you are journaling. Who knows? Maybe it will be the birth of a new book?? I'll buy it! May God bless and keep you this year. I have a small devotional book that has different feelings women experience and Bible verses to go with it. Love it!
Posted by: Chris | January 14, 2013 at 10:38 AM
What a great idea about the notecards! I love it.
Not only might that be a good thing for me to do, but also to do for my kids as well-
I am thinking of laminated cards with a feeling on one side and a verse on the other, bound together by a binder ring. Brilliant!
If you want to share yours as you go, that would be awesome!
Posted by: Leeann | January 14, 2013 at 11:47 AM
How wonderful to hear from you today. I love the idea of flashcards. I laid aside the resolutions this year myself and am trying to live with one word to guide me in 2013. It is a little scary at times. I will be praying for you and look forward to hearing from you as you seek 'alignment' in 2013.
Posted by: Fonda | January 14, 2013 at 11:54 AM
Loved the idea of the two-sided notecard - I'm totally going to join with you in that. It's so good to see you post again - you're a survivor and an inspiration!
Posted by: Bethe | January 14, 2013 at 12:16 PM
Love the flashcards idea. although, you might want to remember to write flashcards for the positives too. when you are feeling loved, happy, blessed... Many good versus for those feelings too and remembering your good feelings will hopefully balance out the bad. i know i always focus on the negative and sometimes forget to focus and put specific attention on the good things in my life too.
Posted by: Gill | January 14, 2013 at 12:29 PM
Please blog more! You are so important to the Body of Christ. What you posted here has meant a great deal to my life today. Think I'll join you with the index card idea. To God be the Glory!
Posted by: Linda | January 14, 2013 at 01:26 PM
Hi Joanne. I am a newly married woman expecting her first child later this year. I just wanted to tell you (and Toben!) that I have been so encouraged by your lives and blog posts. I don't miss any posts, although I rarely comment!
And that flashcard idea is a great one! I might have my teenage brother try that...or me... :). I also like the idea someone put up there about making cards for good feelings, too.
Posted by: Sandy | January 14, 2013 at 01:59 PM
It is so good to read a blog from you, Joanne! I love it when Toben writes but I miss you. This is the best Bible memory idea I think I've ever seen! So practical.
Posted by: Beth in the City | January 14, 2013 at 02:01 PM
You don't "know" me but I have followed your story from the first post about your stroke. Hard to see that word in print but maybe that goes with acceptance. Your idea of the flashcards is wonderful. More wonderful, are reading your words. Toben is an excellent blogger but it is good to hear from you. Please continue.
Posted by: Mary H | January 14, 2013 at 02:37 PM
Joanne,
We all would like to thank your Bossy friend for getting you to journal each day! We love to hear from you. You encourage and challenge us each time you post.
BTW, I followed your directions and made my very own first batch of laundry detergent. Is it supposed to not gel completely? It's still a little more watery than I had thought it would be. But it does clean well. I'm also on the lookout for one of those retractable laundry lines like what you had in the picture.
So, as you can see by my random rambles, it's always good to hear from you, my friend!
Grace and Peace,
Kim Feth
Apex, NC
Posted by: Kim Feth | January 14, 2013 at 03:29 PM
So good to hear from you Joanne.
You have encouraged me and given me a good idea. I like that idea of flash cards.
I had a ugly day at work and came home very late and feeling "sorry" for myself. I was not the nicest to my husband mostly because I was angry that he had been home since 4:30 and here I was coming in the door at 7 pm. Now if I had one of those handy flash cards it would surely help to set me on the right path.
So glad you are blogging again.
GOd has used you mightly today.
BLessings . . .
Posted by: Maryellen | January 14, 2013 at 06:54 PM
Joanne, thank you for reminding me nothing is too hard or impossible for God. I want to live like I believe that for real! Also love your memory card idea. You have blessed my day . . . I hope yours is blessed too. Jenny C.
Posted by: Jenny Corso | January 14, 2013 at 07:25 PM
Joanne it was so great to read your post today. I love your memory card idea -- as always you inspire me. Thank you for being you!
PS I sent your package in the mail today and based on your post -- it will come in very handy! Happy day!
Posted by: Lisa Rowe-Peplinski | January 14, 2013 at 07:49 PM
Hi Joanne. I'm one of the many people who answered a call for prayers when you had your stroke. My daughter has a mega rare disability. She's one of only two known cases in the world. After 9 years on the special needs rollercoaster, I can understand your comments about acceptance. Sometimes I love my life. Other days I would trade it in a blink for 'normal'. Whatever 'normal' is.
But I do try and focus on what our daughter can do and be grateful that God slowed down my life so I appreciate every little achievement our girl makes.
And thank God for Bossy Friends. I would be lost without mine who hold my hand on this crazy journey of life.
God Bless you all.
Posted by: Michelle from Australia | January 14, 2013 at 09:03 PM
Bonjour Joanne ! Bonne année 2013 ! It's so good to read your words again! Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Praying for you today. I love your idea for Scripture memory--I need to do it, too!
Posted by: Holly B. | January 14, 2013 at 10:59 PM
Joanne - Be brave, strong and courageous! I can't imagine anyone would choose the road you are on, but God is good and He knows. It is through these life challenges that we can be the window to Christ to others. I have appreciated your honesty, your frustrations and your faith through it all. He is using you in ways you can't even imagine. I know there are impossibly hard days for you, but I am praying that in those times you will feel Him giving you the strength you need to face them. I know there have been huge adjustments for your husband and family, but no one has had to face the challenges you have daily and no one has had more adjustments. It is because of your love of Christ, your faith and your walk that there was even a blog to start with. You used it as a tool to share that passion. It is also because of your blog that we have come to hear of your story and journey and catch a glipse of how God is working in and through you. You are loved and cherished by your God. You have so much to offer to so many. I pray that you will realize this and rest fully in that comfort. Blessings~
Posted by: Angel S. | January 15, 2013 at 02:16 AM
Wow, Joanne!!! I'm so happy to see your post today. You truly are a blessing and an inspiration to me and I am eagerly anticipating reading more about your alignment process in the weeks to come. God is using you in ways you don't even realize and I thank Him for your obedience, even when your path is bumpy and full of hills and bends.
I am also thanking God for your faithful friends (especially Susan today!) I enjoy Toben's posts very much, but I get extra excited when I see that you've posted something, Joanne. You two make a fabulous team and it's encouraging to see how together, you have made such a yucky experience as good as you possibly can.
Posted by: Sharlene | January 15, 2013 at 08:35 AM
You are so beautiful, Joanne!!!! In every way.
Posted by: Karen Booker Schelhaas | January 15, 2013 at 09:02 AM
Hugs, girl. And a prayer for your alignment. God is so, so, so big in you.
Posted by: gretchen | January 15, 2013 at 09:23 AM
I am so doing that verse too! Thank you for sharing! xo
Posted by: Lora Osburn | January 15, 2013 at 09:26 AM
Joanne,
So thankful for bosy friends! I LOVE the idea of flash cards for scripture. I'm doing SSMT also this year with my 10yr old daughter. She's been dealing with a lot of anxiety this year, so we'll focus our verses on that theme. What a great idea you have. Maybe that will help my daughter too.
Posted by: Sandi in MN | January 15, 2013 at 11:23 AM
Hi Joanne,
So great to hear from you. :) This is a long journey and I love your plans. Sometimes it is just so hard to be positive, but the upside is the more positive you are the easier to stay positive it is.
Praying for you.
<><
Posted by: Child of God | January 15, 2013 at 11:40 AM
I've read your blog since shortly before your stroke. Yes, I've read every entry! Toben is great, but I'm especially thrilled when I see a post with your name on it. You are an amazing woman of God. Your SSMT idea is wonderful. I could use a year of alignment...aligning myself with God's will for my life, which is not at all what I asked for. Alignment, acceptance & thanksgiving...a tall order! God bless you & your family.
Posted by: Gwen | January 15, 2013 at 12:55 PM
It is always so good to hear from you Joanne. The cards are a great idea. You are a blessing.
Posted by: Missi | January 15, 2013 at 03:46 PM
Hi Joanne,
How wonderful to hear from you, personally. You've been missed in the blogosphere. You have always had so much to say, to share, to impart with those reading your blog... And that will never change. I hope things are going well as you are settling into life in the Springs. We would love to hear from you more as you have time. Continuing to pray for grace and strength for you each day.
Posted by: Paula Romer | January 15, 2013 at 04:06 PM
Yay! It's so good to hear your "voice" and read what's on your heart. Your cards are a wonderful idea. I love my NLT "Touchpoint" Bible because in the back it lists scriptures for daily needs from A-Z. You might want to peek at it; it covers feelings, frustrations and lots of topics. It's a quick way to track down specific promises from God. Sending love and continued prayers for a Happy New "Normal" and Year in Colorado Springs.
Posted by: Jane@SeeJaneLearn | January 15, 2013 at 06:35 PM
so glad to "hear" from YOU, Joanne. It's been too long. Enjoying your words and your heart.
Posted by: Brandi Luiz | January 15, 2013 at 08:02 PM
So nice to read your thoughts you are so good to us have missed you. your Maine friend , Rena
Posted by: Rena | January 16, 2013 at 01:30 AM
LOVE LOVE LOVE reading your voice....and love YOU!
Posted by: Joy Groblebe | January 16, 2013 at 11:00 AM
Welcome back to the blog sis. KEEP IT UP!! Love you. My stack of notecards has been growing....been keeping them on a ring in the living room from Breaking Free. Love 'em.
Posted by: Sis Kristen | January 16, 2013 at 11:39 AM
Whooo....go, Joanne, Go!! You are an amazing person...trully inspring. You made me smile big with your daily writing... hopefully Toben has big plans of posting them on the blog.:) You have alot to say from your perspective/struggles and we have alot to learn from as strong as you!! Keep up the faith... and thanks for the incredible idea of scripture cards. They will take you FAR!!! Mind if I copy ur idea?:) HEidi
Posted by: Heidi Carrico | January 16, 2013 at 01:01 PM
Now I see why everyone has missed you so much on here ~ thank-you, Joanne -- the way you say things is FABULOUS!!! We all need to be 'in sync' and I definetly need an alignment ~ my emotions have been in charge for far too long. I am also doing the SSMT -- so thankful for these wonderful blogs. Praying for you even though we don't know each other - still we do. Blessings sister <3
Posted by: Colleen | January 16, 2013 at 05:16 PM
I loved hearing from your heart today! Thanks for posting! You and your hubby are a great team! You are an encouragement to others all over the world!
Can't wait to read the next post...and the one after that...and the one after that! ETC.
I am glad you have an encouraging, (bossy) friend who we can thank for this amazing post!
God's continued healing...and blessings in your life!
Linda @ Truthful Tidbits
Posted by: Linda H. | January 17, 2013 at 06:23 AM
Loved seeing that you posted! I always appreciate what you communicate. Alignment and Acceptance~both so good. God's word for me this year is New. I wanted something more original, but that's what He gave me so I'm going with it:) Blessings.
Posted by: Amy | January 17, 2013 at 05:19 PM
Dearest Joanne,
Oh, I was so blessed to get on your blog this morning and find you here! You are our miracle. I know you don't "feel" like a miracle, but you are! And of all the verses you know and love you picked the very one that captured me from you even before you had your stroke! "We though are going to love and be loved, first, we were loved, now we love. He loved us first." I had written that verse from you and "The Simple Wife" before you had your stroke...and I am making that verse mine! That year (2011) I also was a part of SSMT and chose the whole of Psalm 139 to memorize, but JOanne, no matter how hard I tried, I could not master it! I continued "trying" but I could not get victory. You see, in 1974 I came down with viral spinal meningitis and my fever went up to 105, and everyone feared for my life. I was in the hospital for 8 days and in helacious pain. The LORD saw fit to spare my life, but the fever brought a most difficult brain impairment to me, to my logic function. Suddenly math was almost impossible to me, and while I looked normal, I was anything but normal. Here I had a new baby and was having difficulty functioning. Add the fact that my dear husband suffered from undiagnosed "Tourette's Syndrome" we were quite an act. But this one thing I had: "faith". Praise God both my husband and I had cut "the for better or worse, in sickness and health, until death do us part" covenant. We muddled through. We did the best we could given what we were dealt, we continued on going to church and serving and loving as best we could. I was able to get back to work as a hairstylist and "create" beautiful styles. But, my husband and I were flawed, desperately so. And we could be so mean to each other. We would aim our nasty little arrows at each other and shoot right for the vunerable place in our wounded hearts. It was the old "you hurt me, I'll hurt you" senario. But I needed him. He could do everything I couldn't do, and I was very keen emotionally and loved people and loved sharing Jesus. I could do what he couldnt do. He became a deacon in our church, and I began teaching Women. We were quite a dysfunctional pair. Religion and rules brought strong boundaries. But little by little we would get better. Gradually, slowly the truth began to replace the lies. Another year would roll around and we would be so glad. It seemed nights were the worst, and we could flare up...craziness and mean words would continue. We tried so hard to shield our only son from our hatefulness. We must have done a pretty good job at that, because he stayed with us all through his college and university experience and married a beautiful Christian girl and they gave us the joys of our lives, our 3 beautiful granddaughters.
I remember last year the word God gave me for the year was "Accelleration"...and I love your words for this year "Alignment and Acceptance." And I say yes! My husband and I are celebrating our 42 years together. We both are retired now. I am also doing the SSMT this year, and once again am going to "try" to memorize Psalms 139, only this time in victory. I want you to know my call to be an intercessor for you and Tobin and all your beautiful family has been a spiritual journey and deep healing for me, and for "us"~ my husband and I. God's ways are ways of mystery, and I for one am a better person for having the blessing of being able to solider through with you and yours in intercession and in faith. That is why your are "our miracle" too! It is such a blessing to see you posting Joanne. You are proving, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." If you can do this, then I can memorize Psalms 139! Oh, by the way, God's Word for me this year 2013 is the word: "Eternity"...a life with eternity in view, is always a life with new beginnings. Love you so in Him,
A So. Cal Siesta,
Pam Houston><>
Posted by: Pam Houston | January 18, 2013 at 07:13 AM
I think a part of my heart just healed a little after reading this. It's a sweet blessing to hear you talk.
Posted by: Betsy Wolf | January 20, 2013 at 08:41 PM
I would love it if those cards ever got published! Could so use your perspective!
Posted by: Jennifer Saake from Stroke of Grace | January 23, 2013 at 11:53 AM
I love you my dear friend...There are many people in this world who have lots to say, but my ear is tuned to those who have true credibility of circumstance to validate their words. When you say God is good, when you say He can help you adjust to this new reality - then I believe it. My prayer is that every day you continue to believe it, too. I look forward to the day I can hug your darling neck once more.
Posted by: Lisa the PW | January 24, 2013 at 08:00 AM
I have never met you in person, but through Toben I feel I know your family. I appreciate all of your words and am very inspired by you! I love your card idea and think it would be very helpful for everyone. God bless you and your family!
Posted by: Megan Goodyear | January 25, 2013 at 12:50 PM
Joanne,
You are truly an inspiration to me! It is so good to see you blogging again. It makes my heart smile, BIG!!
Love you, dear sweet Siesta!
~Hollie
Posted by: Groovewoman | January 27, 2013 at 01:09 PM