Now that the house is sold and Spring break is over and we are back into our routine I have a little of time to think...and decisions to make. And I think our whole family has some identity issues to wrestle with and settle into.
Joanne has been robbed of her identity in a way that I'm not sure many of us (at least I) can't comprehend. Everything that she was all about is all about gone. I'm not going to go into depth on this because I feel like I have covered this ground in many other posts. But I think some of her identity will be restored when we get our own place. We are probably going to get through the school year without a change but I am looking around on the web at places in District 20 that might be a good fit for us. I have been surprised to find that a number of different apartment complexes have handicapped ready apartments. That's pretty cool! Joanne can really get around a regular house, but it's nice to have the extra wide spaces for her to get through and grab bars in the bathroom.
The girls identity has been deeply affected too. They went from being homeshool kids, to Christian school kids to public school kids. They too lost their house and they left their friends in Denver. Emma has made new friends but I think Audrey is still a little gun-shy to make friends--she is really struggling to get attached or to trust people. I get that. Again,the next phase for us is to get our own place. I think they'll feel more "planted" once we move.
I have had something weird happen as a result of selling the house. Joanne and I have been home owners for almost 20 years. Now we aren't. A house is not my identity but it does feel weird to not be a land owner any more. In fact I think in colonial America my lack of property ownership would not allow me to vote. I too am looking forward to having a place of our own, but I have to say that of all of us, I have benefited the most from moving in with Mom and Dad. They have been such an amazing help to me personally. I feel like I have support. There is part of me that makes me never want to leave, but at some point we have to get back out on our own.
One weird challenge for us is the cats! They lived at the house in Denver until it sold, and since then we have had them at our friendly neighborhood kennel. We go visit them a lot but we are desperate to have them back with us. I think the kennel is an OK set up and they are well cared for, but I think they need a home for the time being until we can have them in our apartment. So if any of you out there want to cat sit for a month until we move, just let me know. That would be a huge relief and blessing!
I guess that's about it for now.
Toben
Praying for you daily...God is moving! I know this, because I have never met you and God has placed you all (especially Joanne) on my heart so deeply. Thank you for your heart felt posts.
Heather
Posted by: Heather Gerard | April 05, 2013 at 10:14 AM
Toben, I hate to be so personal but I've been reading your posts for a couple of years, (not sure how I found you,) and it strikes me that you're so busy and worried for your family members that you haven't had time to work through your own difficulties, which have to be deep. I hope you have someone to really talk to (counselor?) and help you to work through the tremendous changes and responsibilities you now have. I'm very glad you have help in logistics, etc., but I hope you won't ignore yourself as you seem to put your wife and daughters in the forefront always. Have you considered joining a caregivers' support group?
Posted by: Erin | April 05, 2013 at 01:03 PM
Sorry I can't help with the cats...we took our son and dil's cats in when they had a serious house fire. They were with us for 10 months!
I love the way you can express and identify what each of you are going through. That takes a very sensitive soul! God's blessings on each of you as you find your new path in life! Jesus is with you!!! He never leaves or forsakes. I pray that the girls become very strong through all these experiences!~ ♥♥♥
Posted by: Cathy | April 05, 2013 at 06:36 PM
Such a change to maneuver through. Continuing to pray and pray for all of you.
Blessings,
<><
Posted by: Child of God | April 06, 2013 at 11:02 AM
Tell me about the cats. How old are they? Are they indoor only cats or do they go out? Are they declawed? Is it likely they might scratch on furniture/curtains? I might consider taking them in for a bit.....depending. I've had cats but don't currently have any pets, however my mom's old lab is here for a couple months visiting. She's quite mellow. I'm in Rockrimmon so that might be convenient.
Posted by: Megan | April 06, 2013 at 03:23 PM
If you got the condo rented now, the cats could live there prior to your official move.
Posted by: Christy | April 08, 2013 at 06:58 AM
Toben,
I think Erin is onto something with her comment about you taking care of yourself a bit. I know you are really busy & doing something for yourself like joining a support group or seeing a counselor might sound like just another thing to do on a long list of obligations, but I think it's something to consider. You are a great Dad & husband.
Posted by: Carrie | April 10, 2013 at 07:41 AM