Dear Stroke:
I know that you are not a person and cannot understand all that I have to say to you, but this isn't really for you, it is for me.
And because I have some things I want to say to you, I am going to personify you a little bit; I hope you don't mind, but even if you do, I don't really care. So here goes...
Four years years ago this morning, you attacked me and tried your very best to kill me. I have news for you: you lost! I am still here, alive and living my life. True, you did take me out of the picture for weeks. I do not remember much at all about those days and weeks of being in a medically induced coma while the doctors did worked to bring down the pressure in my brain. I only know what people have told me about those days.
To tell you the truth, I don't really want to remember. From what I've been told, it wasn't all that terrific or very much fun.
My memories don't really begin until I had moved out of the ICU at Littleton Adventist Hospital and into long-term acute care at Kindred Hospital further north in Denver.
The only thing I really remember about that January morning is forgetting to open the flue when I lit the fireplace and filled the house with smoke. It was a freezing morning and I had to open all the doors and windows to clear the smoke from the housewhile the fire alarm wailed at full volume. It was icy outside and so I decided to run indoors on the treadmill in the basement, rather than to slip and slide along the neighborhood streets. My kidswere busy playing while I ran and everything was going well until my head started to hurt. It felt as though there was a huge metal zipper on my skull that someone was unzipping from my neck to my forehead. It was cold and felt like icewater was dripping down my head from my crown toward my neck. I remember thinking that something was wrong – very wrong. And that is the last thing I remember for more than a month.
The next thing I remember is Mom holding my hand one morning and telling me a story about someone who had had a stroke,brain surgery, and was very, very sick. As she told me the story of this poor person, it slowly dawned on me that she was talking about me! Again, I remember thinking that something was very wrong.
Despite all that was wrong and the things that had been lost, you didn't kill me, I was alive and conscious and my memory was starting afresh at that very moment.
True, I could no longer sit upright, breathe on my own,get out of bed, talk, or even eat, but as the weeks and months passed I worked hard to learn to sit up, to breathe for myself, to talk, to swallow, to stand, and eventually to get out of bed, to walk, to eat, to speak again – even in French with my nurse, Jean-Marc from the Ivory Coast, who refused to listen to me if I spoke in English once he learned that I had studied French in college. So French it was...
True, there are still things I cannot do. I can't drive or move my left arm; I can only walk short distances without a cane.
But each and every day I get out of bed and face the day and so I am taking back more and more of what you took from me; the war is not over!
All in all, you tried to kill me, you tried to destroy my life and my family. Her's the deal--YOU LOST! I won! And I am still winning, I will not give up and I will keep taking back my life and my health one day at a time.Yes, you were powerful and strong, but you've got nothing on the power of God for those--like me and those who pray for me--who believe.
So there, Stroke! Take that!
With great loathing for you and victory dance/hobble for me,
Joanne
I am so proud of you. You amaze me every day, but your spirit and your will and your faith ... wow. You, my sweet Wonder Woman Jo, are my hero. I hate what that thing took from you, but it has given you a testimony, a spark, a strength and a will that amazes us all. I love you beyond words. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO I am so thankful that God had you stay here with us.
Posted by: becky jo | January 11, 2015 at 07:28 PM
YESSSSSS!!!!! You are more than a conquerer!! High five sister....keep pressing on!! You are a rock star and we all love you!!!
And, I'm proud of you for writing this.
I love ya sister!
Fran
Posted by: Fran Thomas | January 11, 2015 at 07:31 PM
YES!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Kristin | January 11, 2015 at 07:35 PM
I love your determination....you're one very special lady and have encouraged me over and over since this day four years ago!!! God is definitely working through you, not only giving you strength for this journey, but guiding others through theirs!! Someday I'll tell you what you've done for me, hopefully over a cup of tea or coffee. Keep working, sweet girl...you're not done!
Posted by: Bobbie Lutz | January 11, 2015 at 07:44 PM
Joanne,
We have never met ~ have never even communicated ~ I have followed you since shortly after your stroke. You have inspired and amazed me. Thank you! God needed you to amplify his message. You have done that and more ~
With total respect, gratitude and prayers for your continued recovery ~
Kris
Posted by: Kris | January 11, 2015 at 07:45 PM
God answered many prayers that day and week and month and year and I know that He is still working in your life. I will dance in celebration of all that you have accomplished with His help!
Posted by: Jill | January 11, 2015 at 07:48 PM
I LOVE THIS. AND I LOVE JESUS AND HIS REDEEMING WORK IN YOUR LIFE!!!!
Posted by: Erin | January 11, 2015 at 08:13 PM
I am crying. And YES, that's what I'm talking about. You keep on battling at the gates of hell, friend. Jesus in you is mighty. And He wins! He so wins. Love you, darling friend. Keep stealing back your life. This praying friend won't stop praying.
Posted by: Holly Smith | January 11, 2015 at 08:19 PM
I read your books, followed your blog, and even communicated with you via email for a long time before your stroke. Your blog was one I read as I sipped coffee each morning and I can still remember finding out that you'd had a stroke. I've rejoiced with you every step of the way and thank God for all the progress you've made over the last four years. You are an amazing woman of God and I am excited to see what He still has planned for you! Love and blessings!
Posted by: Dawn Welch | January 11, 2015 at 08:21 PM
Love your continued dedication to the Lord who's given you this strength. Continued prayers for your healing & family restoration. Loving you from Illinois sister in Christ!
Posted by: Beka | January 11, 2015 at 08:29 PM
Joanne, thanks for teaching the rest of us how to persevere, how to continue to fight, how to LIVE through the tough times. We all have them, but yours are among the hardest and yet you continue to move through them with grace and dignity. YOU are a blessing. Keep on keeping on, Girlfriend!
Posted by: JennyJoT | January 11, 2015 at 08:47 PM
You are a gift to us!
Sue
Posted by: Sue | January 11, 2015 at 09:08 PM
I adore you and admire your perseverance. You are a gift.
Posted by: Brandi Luiz | January 11, 2015 at 09:11 PM
You testify to His Love and mercy so sweetly, Joanne. Prayed for you many times over these past years and am so proud of you for pressing on and being so strong in Christ each day. May He continue to heal and restore the years the locust has eaten. Hugs!
Posted by: Annette | January 11, 2015 at 09:53 PM
Yes! I love your spunk and determination, Joanne. I knew this stroke wouldn't win. Love you tons, friend! xoxo
Posted by: Angie | January 11, 2015 at 10:06 PM
Wonderful post, I love how you told that stupid stroke off! More prayers (from Munich now, I've moved from Zurich since first reading about you thru Beth Moore) for a blessed 2015.
Posted by: Susan | January 11, 2015 at 11:56 PM
I love you, my amazing friend! You are a champion. Soooooo excited to see more and more victories in your life! xoxoxoxo
Posted by: Marla Taviano | January 12, 2015 at 01:58 AM
You are one amazing woman and I admire you so much! I love reading about each victory and know they will continue! Love you, Joanne! You are such an inspiration and it is a privilege to pray for you!
Posted by: Dianne Walters | January 12, 2015 at 05:25 AM
You are so amazing and I love the way you are kicking this strokes butt one day at a time. You have come sooooo far. Keep up the good work and take care!
Posted by: Shawn | January 12, 2015 at 07:40 AM
Joanne, I have been reading your blog & books for many years (before the stroke), but we've never communicated. When everything happened I remember social media exploding and all kinds of people praying for you - even people like me that didn't really "know" you. And since then I have thought of you many times and eagerly anticipated any updates. And this one today is the BEST ONE so far. You are so inspiring, so amazing... I'm so energized by these fighting words. You are one awesome lady. Hugs from Canada!
Posted by: erin | January 12, 2015 at 07:54 AM
Tears in my keyboard! Jesus-Sister, I began to pray for you on the day of the stroke. He led me to your blog through another Blogger's words and I have followed this journey with much Prayer, with many tears and sadness, but most of all, Most.Of.All with Joy for the Faith that has surrounded you through every step!
And, I'd like to address your stroke, too.
Hi Stroke ~ I really, really don't like you. I have watched your attempts to Steal, Kill and Destroy my Sister, Joanne and her Family. And, while you took some things... yep, you stole some things from them. But, many of those things have been returned. They may look different from how they were before you took them, but they are back! And, I KNOW that there are Beloved pieces that still need to be returned.
I am Believing that Joanne will have Full Restoration of All that you took. Gee, you took away so many Loves from her. However, I am struck by the One thing you could not take. And, that was her Faith in her Lord Jesus! You tried to steal her Joy, as well, but she is finding it.
Most important, you were not able to take her Life! She has Lived, through the good days and through the really yucky days. But, she is alive, and you are defeated, stroke!
Joanne, I look forward to walking this journey along side you, as more of the lost are returned. They are Yours. They'll return.
Standing with you in Believing and in Love.
Hugs from another Jo. xxoo
Posted by: Jo Moseley | January 12, 2015 at 10:41 AM
You go girl! You are a winner! Keep fighting the fight.
Posted by: Brenda | January 12, 2015 at 11:12 AM
Very touching!!! GOD BLESS!!!
Posted by: Charlotte Moore | January 12, 2015 at 04:34 PM
And THAT is why the devil tried to take you out and THIS is why God kept you here. May God restore tenfold all that the locusts devoured!
Posted by: Sherrie Kulwicki | January 12, 2015 at 06:18 PM
Joanne, You are such an inspiration. I've been reading your blog for years - even before the stroke. You continue to inspire me and others. Stay faithful, stay in the fight, stay true to yourself and your family. My husband and son still ask about you on occasion, and we are still praying for a complete recovery!!
Love,
Kim Feth
A Siesta from Holly Springs, NC
Posted by: Kim Feth | January 12, 2015 at 07:05 PM
Way to go, Joanne. Your words sort of remind me of David's. He spoke to the "uncircumcised Philistine" with words of authority. You've inspired me to speak to my giants with the Word of The Lord!
Posted by: Susie Tiemeyer | January 12, 2015 at 07:26 PM
Amen, Dear Sister.
Posted by: Deidra | January 12, 2015 at 07:28 PM
Joanne, lop-sided dance or not, your choice to allow His grace to be sufficient for you has moved mountains. Quite simply:you.rock. Without question. Without hesitation. Clapping and cheering for you in Seattle. xxxooo
Posted by: Gretchen | January 12, 2015 at 08:22 PM
Hey mom,
That was beautifully written, keep on persevering! I'm glad to hear that you can walk a little with out a cane. :)
Emma Heim
Posted by: Emma | January 12, 2015 at 08:47 PM
The comment above mine is the best of all! Praying for restoration and healing for all of you.
Posted by: Deborah | January 12, 2015 at 09:13 PM
Four years you hung on. beautiful you. I am so grateful that you can do the things that you are able to do. I so glad you survived and than got the physical therapy etc for yourself.
I have not stopped praying, I was praying for all of you guys before the stroke.
Thank you for writing this. I got physically ill in 2005 and really needed to read this. I am proud of you for taking care of yourself.
When I got ill it changed me and my life. I got a new prespective (visually from a wheel chair everything is different) and awareness of something as simple as the lack of seating, etc for people who need it. I now have a voice I use for these situations.
I know you will keep walking and I will keep working to stay out of my wheel chair. I have other limitations but I am not giving up. Thank you for be an inspiration for me. I stopped my blog when I got a negative comment on a post about my feelings about my wheel chair. Maybe I need to write a letter too, I never did. Hugs
Posted by: Meredith | January 12, 2015 at 09:26 PM
Joanne,
I love your attitude, and this post, so much!!! I was just reminiscing the other day about how God worked out so many details surrounding your stroke.
One being, that you were at home running vs out in the big wide world, that your girls were home with you since you were home schooling, and that you had moved back to Colorado.
Continuing to pray for you and your family and rejoicing with you as you continue to take back your life.
Posted by: Sharon | January 12, 2015 at 09:49 PM
This brought tears to my eyes as I remember reading all those posts during that time...one in particular that your sweet Dad wrote...my blog held your picture for two years as we prayed and continue to do so....I hate it when ppl say this was Gods will. I don't believe it was...it's like walking with my grandbaby...it's he falls and skins his knees and hands, I didn't will it to happen...I didn't allow it...but he knows as he reaches up to me, I will pick him up, I will kiss his tears and bobos...I will heal him with bandaid and medicines...
Your heavenly Father is the same...He loves you and has a purpose to all He loves...to prosper you, restore you and STAR RIGHT BEST DE YOU UNTIL YOU ARE HEALED. I will stand on that for you every moment that I am praying for you...thank you for the courage you have again to write here...we adore hearing how you are. As you heal, those around you will begin to heal too...with love and celebrations for you...
Posted by: Lana | January 12, 2015 at 11:04 PM
*STAND RIGHT BESIDE YOU...
Posted by: Lana | January 12, 2015 at 11:06 PM
Still praying and believing in full, total healing! <3
Posted by: janet | January 13, 2015 at 12:20 AM
Praying with you, Joanne, for a new day, a new dawn. I marvel at your strength. I've followed your journey through this excruciatingly difficult heartache and am so encouraged that you're gently being led back to the light of day, one step at a time. Your life matters. Oh, how it matters! Deeply, powerfully so.
Posted by: Karen Schelhaas | January 13, 2015 at 03:10 PM
You don't know me but I have been praying for you and will continue to pray. This letter is so inspiring. Thank you and fight on!!!
Posted by: TJ | January 14, 2015 at 07:38 PM
Praising God for your continuing progress! Thank you so much for sharing this journey with us through your blog. Blessings to you!
Praying for you in Las Vegas.
Posted by: Carol | January 14, 2015 at 09:21 PM
Sheer brilliance! You go, Girl!
Posted by: laura | January 15, 2015 at 08:55 AM
So happy to read your post Joanne! God is amazing, so powerful and the #1 healer! We are truly wonderfully made and he designed us in a way that our bodies can heal themselves given the clean/organic foods He has provided and enjoying His outdoor healing wonders. With nourshing foods+ and trust in God's guidance I truly believe you will conquer most if not all health issues. Excited to see your healing growth in 2015! :) Pray for you often, God Bless!
Posted by: Jodi | January 15, 2015 at 10:01 AM
Joanne, We've never met and I don't know what God has for you in the future in terms of your future recovery but He has to be pretty proud of the OVERCOMER that you have become in the here and now! Way to set an amazing example rarely seen these days! I pray for you & your entire family. God will reward you beyond your wildest dreams one day! With the deepest respect & admiration, Karen
Posted by: Karen Hicks | January 15, 2015 at 04:36 PM
WOw... Joanne!! Beauty from ashes... you are one of those beauty's that has proven to come from ashes! Praise Be to God for your accomplishments and having such hope to press on and get better, and better yet, take back what Stroke took from you! You are a gifted writer, and gifted are you!! you are one that touches hearts around the world... keep on being that Light that shines for Jesus! So neat to see your girl comment... priceless! Praying you get your family back in your arms soon!:)
Keep pressing on for Jesus....
heidi c.
Posted by: heidi carrico | January 16, 2015 at 04:14 PM
Hi Lovely Joanne
I just read your blog and comments and this song came to mind about Father God ..."Your Love is Amazing Steady and Unchanging, Your Love is a mountain firm beneath my feet, hallelujah, hallelujah Your Love makes me sing"....Your blog makes us sing praises x
Bless You Honey and to quote my Mum "Keep on Keeping on"
Lots of love
xxxxxxxxxx
Posted by: Ruthy :) | January 20, 2015 at 05:03 AM
THEE Epitome of VICTORY!!! POWERFUL!!!!
Posted by: Meisha | January 20, 2015 at 02:12 PM
Hang in there. Still praying for you.
Posted by: Aunty Em | January 21, 2015 at 09:47 AM
Joanne, I'm one of the people here who have followed you since way before the stroke. What you have written is wonderful, and your indomitable spirit inspires all of us! I will continue praying for you, so that all the desires of your heart will come true. Keep on keeping on! :-)
Posted by: Susan V | January 23, 2015 at 12:33 PM
Oh Joanne!
Celebrating VICTORY with you!!!!
These four years ... I have cried, prayed, rejoiced, cried, and prayed some more. For you. For your family. (How is your sister, Kristin?)
I will continue praying for complete restoration, for beauty from ashes, for redemption and forgiveness.
Your story has been so inspiring and eye opening. Praise Jesus - THIS IS NOT OUR HOME.
With my love,
Rachael
Posted by: Rachael Davis | January 27, 2015 at 07:07 PM
I am 3 weeks late on reading this, but YES!!!!!!! You are a survivor!!! So proud to know you!
Posted by: lizreeves | February 03, 2015 at 09:43 AM
I have followed you on your blog and Facebook since your stroke and am amazed at what God has done. One thing I didn't understand is why you can't spend time with your girls and haven't seen them since April. How that must make your heart ache! Praying all will be restored soon! I knew you were with your parents. If that is too personal to share, I understand. Continuing to pray for your miraculous healing. I love your art work on Facebook...beautiful colors!
Posted by: bethdj | February 03, 2015 at 02:19 PM
Joanne,
You are a living testimony of Trusting in The Lord! I remember your kindness in Greek class at Denver Seminary. I worked full time and attended class after a long day and a long commute from the Anschutz Medical Campus in Aurora. It was such a treat to receive your homemade cookies on the day of our final exam. I attended the prayer vigil in your honor and have followed your progress. I pray that you will continue your journey of growing in Grace. The Lord is your keeper. You are forever in my prayers.
Deidre Houston Magee
Posted by: Deidre Houston Magee | February 20, 2015 at 07:21 AM
Sweet Joanne, I'm missing your FB posts while I'm fasting from social media this lent, but I just wanted to stop by and tell you I'm thinking about you and you remain in my prayers. This post is spot on and I love your spunky self! You keep on keeping on. You're not doing this alone! XOXO
Posted by: Chris | February 21, 2015 at 09:03 PM