Here is the gist of the speech I give last week:
My story
Rocky Mountain Stroke Center Jubilee /October 22, 2015
My name is Joanne Heim. I am 43 years old and I have been coming to the Rocky Mountain Stroke Center for just over a year.
As I think about my life story and my stroke, the word that comes most strongly to mind is miracle. My story is a miracle story—just like all of the stories of the people who come to the stroke center. None of us should be alive; stroke often kills and tried its best to kill us too —but here we are!
My life before stroke lasted 38 years. Here’s a glimpse of my life before stroke:
I had a happy childhood—an idyllic childhood, really. It was filled with love and laughter, camping, sailing, horseback riding, skiing, time together as a family. My dad was in the Air Force, so it was also a childhood of moving and new schools and new friends every few years. I loved it and became comfortable in new situations and places.
I was born in California and lived in Redondo Beach for six years, playing at the beach and eating sand, going to preschool with my best friend, whose mother was my mother’s best friend, starting kindergarten, getting a baby sister for Christmas when I was two years old. It was happy, safe, and fun.
We moved to Colorado Springs when I was six years old and my dad began teaching at the Air Force Academy. We had lots of snow, a long steep driveway for sledding and summers filled with camping in the Colorado mountains in our green canvas tent. We were involved at church, loved Sunday school, and I fell in love with books of all kinds.
The summer after fourth grade, we moved to Alabama. It was the era of Atari and Pac Man.
After a year there, we moved to North Yorkshire, England, and spent three years loving British life there. We camped all over Europe—in a small camper this time, and collected stamps in our passports.It was an especially wonderful season for our family—one we would all gladly repeat!
After my three years of middle school at a British school—complete with a boring navy uniform—we returned to Colorado Springs and I began high school. I was a normal teenager—I went to school and did my homework to keep up good grades. I had friends and boyfriends, I learned to driven babysat. I worked a few jobs and butted heads with my parents.
The summer I was 16, I met the boy I would marry. We got engaged the night before my high school graduation. ( My parents have since recovered as you’ll see!)
We drove to Spokane, Washington and attended Whitworth University, where I majored in Communication Studies and French. I took a full load of classes each semester, studied hard, edited the school newspaper, worked as a graphic designer for the school and graduated in three years. It was a whirlwind!
We got married over Christmas break my sophomore year and moved into a tiny apartment on campus, where I learned to cook and keep house.
Our last year of college flew by and graduation approached. We did not have jobs or a plan until I got a call from my dad, telling me of a partner company at his job that needed someone to fill in for an employe on maternity leave—in Paris.
I wrote down the number, took a deep breath and dialed Paris. Within a few weeks, I finished my last independent study class to complete my degree, packed our tiny apartment into storag, the biggest duffel bag ever for myself and got on a plane to Denver. My parents met me at Stapleton for a short layover and I boarded a plane for Houston. From there, I was off to Orly.
On e of my tasks at this software company was to answer the telephone—by far the scariest thing I’d ever done up to that point. I learned a new vocabulary of office supplies and computer terms by day. In the evenings and on the weekends, we explored Paris and it quickly became my favorite city in the world.
At the end of a marvelous summer, we returned to Colorado Springs and began our lives as adults. we got our first real jobs, our first dog and bought our first house. Soon we had our first baby. After a terrific pregnancy in which I starred as the most pregnant woman you’ve ever seen, Audrey was born in August of 1998. I drove a station wagon and stopped working full time as an editor and copywriter at a local publishing company.
Within a few years, we built a bigger house and decided it was time to have another baby. Emma was born in 2001 and I upgraded to a minivan and a double stroller. The girls and I spent a lot of time in Denver, exploring museums and the zoo. It was a wonderful happy time and I loved everything about being a mom to my little girls.
After several years in Monument, my husband changed jobs and we moved to San Diego.We lived near the beach and enjoyed days at Sea World, Disneyland and Legoland.
Soon after arriving in California, my husband was diagnosed as bipolar and went through a deep depression.My faith grew by leaps and bound s I became totally dependent upon God to get me through each day. The god I had known since childhood became more real and biggerto me than ever before.
Those years in San Diego ran to extremes. When life was good, it was incredible, but when it was bad, it was almost unbearable.
After three years, we moved back home to Colorado. This time, we settled in Denver, bought our favorite house so far.We were close to family again, busy volunteering at the girls’ school and life felt like it was going just as it should.
I began to do some public speaking and dreamed of pursuing a master’s degree in Old Testament biblical studies at Denver Seminary.
I began seminary in 2009 and loved everything about it.
I was working on a paper in the library on spring day, when my husband called to say, “We’re moving to Phoenix for a year!”
We packed up the house and picked the few things we would need for a year and moved tPhoenix in July.It was a hot adventure.
With only a year’s commitment to stay there, we decided to do a few things differently. We left the television behind and decided to give homeschooling a shot—something I swore I would never do—so naturally, that’s what we did! We loved it so much that when we returned to Denver a year later, we decided to keep homeschooling.
I returned to seminary in the evenings and we settled back into life in Denver, surrounded by friends and family.
I learned to run in Phoenix and was running four miles a day by the end of our year there. Back in Denver, I had to learn again—this time with hills and altitude. It took time, but soon I was running five miles a day and I was stronger and healthier than I’d ever been.
M ymiracle day arrived on January 11, 2011. It dawned bitterly cold, so after forgetting to pen the flue and filling the house with smoke, I decided to run on my treadmill in the basement.I cranked up my iPod and was flying along when I got the worst headache I’d ever experienced. It felt like someone covered my head with metal zipper, unzipped it and poured iced water over my scalp. I knew it couldn’t be good. It wasn’t.
Sometime later my children came looking for me to start our school day and found me collapsed on thee floor. They called their dad, my mom and 911.
The ambulance raced to Littleton Adventist hospital where I’m told my brain pressure grew too high after a massive stroke so they removed a piece of my skull to relieve the pressure and then put me in a medical coma for it to rest and heal. Friends came from all over. From in town, and from out of state, they drove, they flew, they brought food and kept my family company. My husband and children moved in with my parents for a time. The girls went back to school again and my between my family and friends, I was never alone for long.
There is really no good time to have a stroke, but weirdly enough, this was the perfect time for mine. I was young, strong, healthy, and surrounded by friends and family. I am sure that is why I am alive today.
The first thing I clearly remember after that headache on my treadmill is the smell of my mom’s perfume and the sounds of her voice. I had been moved to Kindred Hospital, a long-term acute care facility where I could heal more before going to a more intensiverehab hospital. Mom was holding my hand and telling me the story of someone who’d had a staroke and was very, very sick. I didn’t understand or know where I was, yet in a moment of total clarity, I knew she was talking about me.
My memories of Kindred are confused and jumbled because I was on such strong drugs for the terrible headaches I had each day. I was angry and depressed. I remember being cold and loving heated blankets. I learned to sit up and swallow. Friends visited often and brought me food once I could eat again. They broughtStarbucks, ice cream,popsicles, cheeseburgers and lots of love. I received bed baths and finally got to take my first shower in months. It was glorious! I texted with friends who remind me of long conversations we had on our iPhones.
My thirty-ninth birthday arrived on March 15, but instead of a blue box from Tiffany’s, I received a birthday cake from the Kindred staff and an ambulance ride to my new home at Spalding Rehabilitation Hospital.
I was medicated, depressed and intimidated by the work to be done. Days at Spalding began with being read to by my dad who came by before going to work and before I went to breakfast.Each day was filled with hard work—physical therapy, speech therapy and occupational therapy. I learned to walk with a hemi-walker and then a four-point cane.
Friends still visited often ,t, but now they wanted to eat what I did (Spalding had an excellent chef and the food was delicious!)
I remember getting a pass to leave the hospital and taking a trip into the outside world—to Target to buy underwear. (Potty training should really only happen once in life, as far as I’m concerned!) TMI… Sorry!
At Spalding, I often wished for more dogs to visit. I was dismayed when volunteers brought books and I discovered I could no longer cold a book to read. I was not at all sure I wanted a life without reading! Luckily, a friend from college came to the rescue by bringing a Kindle pre-loaded with books she knew I could like. One-handed reading worked marvelously well and helped fill lonely days for years to come.
I came home from Spalding after two months. My Christmas tree was still up in the living room and I was thrilled to be back in my familiar home. My dad installed additional stair railings and grab bars in the bathrooms so I could manage being home more easily. Friends brought meals and our freezer quickly filled, relieving us from the nightly chore of preparing dinner.
In-home therapists came multiple times each week and I continued speech, physical and occupational therapies with them.
When I needed more direction, I began the day therapy program at Spalding. My dad installed a therapy gym in my garage and we worked together there with the exercise instructions I had collected from all the therapists I’d seen thus far. In the midst of a lot of hard work, he and I had sweet times together.
During this season, I first heard about the Stroke Center and its YESS (Young Enthusiastic Stroke Survivors) group. I wanted nothing to do with it. Yes, I was a Young Stroke Survivor, but I was certainly not Enthusiastic about it. No, thank you!That was not for me—I did not want to be one of those people!
When the exercise and therapy failed to reduce my plantar flexion and my left foot still refused to sit flat on the ground, an orthopedic surgeon recommended surgery to lengthen my Achilles’ tendon. In November of 2011, I had surgery and spent weeks in a cast and a wheelchair while it healed.
We tried some family counseling during this time to help us deal with the many changes that came with my stroke and its effects upon our family. We learned some helpful things, but still struggled on a daily basis.
Despite the difficulty of getting around, a couple of my girlfriends suggested we get season tickets to the Denver Ballet. On various Saturdays, we went out for lunch downtown and enjoyed an afternoon at the ballet. I am thankful for their determination to make sure I engaged with the world outside of my house.
A year later in the winter of 2013, my husband and I were forced to sell our home, declare bankruptcy and move to Colorado Springs to live with his parents.
It was a difficult time. I spent most days alone in the family room, reading books and drinking tea. Friends came to visit often to get me out of the house and I am grateful for their love and care and encouragement when I was told “You only have half a brain” and “you can’t do that”on a regular basis by my family. I was depressed, over medicated and lived in a fog of confusion and sorrow.
From time to time, I travelled to Denver to spend time with my parents. At the end of a visit in April 2014, my husband and children told me not to return to Colorado Springs. My husband had started a new job and said he could no longer care for me. I moved in with my parents permanently and we have been a family of three to ever since.
I quickly became part of their life—church, activities like concerts and theater, running errands and short weekends away to camp in their trailer. I also began physical therapy at home again with a therapist I’d seen before. In the summer of 2014, we moved into an age-qualified neighborhood and quickly became involved with activities and new friends there.
That fall, I visited the Stroke Center for the first time and began attending the art therapy group on Mondays and a physical therapy class on Tuesdays.
The art group has become a support group for me as I have made friends and learned to paint. As my friend said, “We are my people.” I look forward to art each week and am excited about the friends and paintings I’ve made.
Today, my life is not what I ever imagined or dreamed what it would be, but it is good. I am happy, active and look forward to the future.I stopped using a cane about six months ago, and walk about a mile each day. My dog and I visit stroke patients at Spalding together and are encouraged by it as much as we encourage those we visit.
I am making goals for the future with my counselor and plan to fly for the first time and learn to drive again next year. I see the progress I am making and am motivated to keep working toward more recovery.
BecauseI am still here, my story is an ongoing one. I do not know what the future holds, but I do know my story ends well!
I am thankful for the Stroke Center and wish I had stated going sooner than I did.Who knows where I would be in my recovery if I had? I am grateful to the staff, the other survivors and all who donate their time and finances to make it the place of healing and recovery it is today.
You are an inspiration to everyone! God is working though you! I know you have many Blessings ahead! I have never meet you but feel that you are a friend! You should be proud of all the people you touch!
Love
Annette
Posted by: Annette Berglund | October 26, 2015 at 08:09 AM
I love you.
Posted by: kimberly | October 26, 2015 at 08:11 AM
Joanne,
You continue to be such an inspiration to me and I have been rooting for you for 5 years! I love to see that you are living and haven't let the stroke kill your spirit or your desire to be happy. Every day you keep getting up and moving that is such a blessing. It is amazing how you have handled some very cruel curve balls with such grace and faith. Thank you for your story... now write a book :) God bless you and you are in my prayers!I know that you are in the cusp of some beautiful blessings!
Chere
Posted by: Chere Williams | October 26, 2015 at 08:20 AM
I have been WAITING for this, friend. So so so so proud of you!!! Love you!!
Posted by: Marla Taviano | October 26, 2015 at 08:22 AM
Oh wow! I'm so glad you shared your speech here. You are an inspiration!
Posted by: Sandra Heska King | October 26, 2015 at 08:41 AM
Oh my, I remember so much of all that happening and praying so hard for you to recover. You are a true inspiration to many people. Keep living and enjoying life, my friend. You got this!! XO
Posted by: Kimberly in Sunny Florida | October 26, 2015 at 08:42 AM
This is such a beautiful story filled with love, challenges and victories!! Can't wait to read the next chapter! ! Just keep keeping on...the Lord is with you!!
Posted by: Pat Barnett | October 26, 2015 at 08:54 AM
Oh Joanne. I'm in a puddle of tears. No words, really. Just tears. You I. N. S. P. I. R. E.
Posted by: Karen Booker Schelhaas | October 26, 2015 at 09:32 AM
Joanne, I consider you to be a friend even though we have never met. I first heard about you one snowy January morning from Beth Moore's blog telling us to pray for a friend of her daughter that had suffered a stroke. I was going through a rough patch of my own (nothing close to what you went through) but every day i read the blog to see how you were doing..You will never know how much your struggles touched me and inspired my faith and my resolve that things will indeed get better! You are the strongest woman i know and your speech was ,as I knew it would be , truly inspirational! The world is yours to imagine! You go girl!!!
Posted by: Barb M. ontario canada | October 26, 2015 at 10:39 AM
WOW, Joanne - your story has GRACE written all over it! I've followed your blog since your stroke...was drawn to pray for you by the Living Proof blog. So, I 'know' your story, but, girl, to see it written out like this? All I can say is, "You go, God!!"
Your life is a testimony to the grace and mercy of our Loving Father Who wrote your story long before you ever breathed your first breath. May you continue to grow in His Grace and experience His Presence. Love from your sister in Jesus!
Posted by: Tatia Cook | October 26, 2015 at 10:41 AM
Oh my, what touching speech. GOD BLESS!!
Posted by: Charlotte Moore | October 26, 2015 at 11:24 AM
Thank you for sharing your life story here. I know there is always more to tell, but I think you did it perfectly. I am thinking you some new powerful name for your blog. I would offer some wildly creative suggestion but I lack in the way of creativity! :) Anyway, God has great things in store. Can't wait to hear more of your story!
Posted by: Melissa Hutsell | October 26, 2015 at 12:24 PM
Yours is truly an amazing story! Thank you for sharing!
Posted by: Tara M | October 26, 2015 at 12:49 PM
Beautiful, Joanne. <3
Posted by: Teri Butcher | October 26, 2015 at 01:41 PM
Joanne,
Your future is going to be better than your past. I say that with full confidence because I know Gods hand is upon your life. Your future is full of all things new and unexpected. There is excitement there! Do you remember when you were a little girl and couldn't wait for Christmas morning? That is because you were so excited To see what was inside the wrapped gift. Pursue the future with excitement because God has many things for you to unwrap in this life, full of happiness and peace. Your faithfulness to God has not went unseen. You are loved by so many. I know that it seems as though it is just ink on paper when I say you are loved by us but we are praying for you and lifting you up to the holy of holies. We are your behind the scene cheerleaders eventhough we do not see you face-to-face, we take you straight to the throne of grace and there our Father sends His angels to minister to you because of our prayers. Your Wonderful, adventurous journey is just getting started!
Posted by: April Bridges | October 26, 2015 at 01:47 PM
God bless you! You are such an inspiration to me - you've inspired me to hang in there and do my best, to move forward with the Lord leading. You've been a great blessing in my life - thank you so much from the bottom of my heart! I continuing to remember you in my prayers...
Posted by: Sheila Hinkle | October 26, 2015 at 03:34 PM
Oh Joanne, reading parts of it breaks my heart. But I want to say how much I love that you are finally telling your brave story in all honesty. You never, ever sugar coated your feelings and that is something I always appreciated about you. . I have "known" of you since the day you had your stroke. I remember praying that you should be spared especially because you had such young girls who needed their mother. I don't know what to think about what has transpired since between your family and you, but I am sure God is still in control despite everything. Today my prayer for you is that you will be reunited with your girls.
There is a book in you Joanne, I hope someday to read it. Blessings upon you.
Posted by: Lydia | October 26, 2015 at 03:54 PM
Joanne,
Thank you for sharing your talk with us on your blog. I am sure there wasn't a dry eye in the house and I can attest to that here as well.
I am so glad you are here to continue to inspire and encourage us as you always have. Your words and your life have always ministered so effectively and they continue!
Love you girl!
Posted by: Helen Washington | October 26, 2015 at 04:29 PM
Crying again. Bless you. Much love.
Posted by: Diginee | October 26, 2015 at 06:23 PM
Joanne, I someone who answered a call, on I can't remember whom's site, to pray for you when you were dangerously ill after your stroke. And I've been following along ever since. God Bless you, your parents and your friends. As a Mum to two children, both of whom have disabilities, my mantra is 'It is not the hand of cards we are dealt. It is how we play them that matters. AND I will smile regardless'. You embody my mantra. Thank you for sharing your story - particularly your life up until university - which was all new to me. God Bless xx
Posted by: Michelle Lawson | October 26, 2015 at 07:35 PM
Your hands and feet may not have worked perfectly in the recent past, but you are being God's hands and feet by sharing your story in such an open and transparent manner. You are valued, treasured, and loved.
Much love,
Kim Feth
Posted by: Kim Feth | October 26, 2015 at 08:05 PM
Joanne,
I began following your blog shortly before your stroke. I can't even begin to tell you how your story has made a difference in my life. You have truly been a blessing to me. I pray for you often, especially for the restoration of the relationship with your girls. I honestly can't wait to see what God has in store for you! Thank you for sharing your life with us!
Posted by: Erin | October 26, 2015 at 08:36 PM
Thank you for your story. You are adored, prayed for, an inspiration and a sweet honest lady. Love being able to "share" in your life.
Posted by: Brandi Luiz | October 26, 2015 at 08:43 PM
Love this, you wonderful, inspirational woman! Like so many others, we don't know each other in real life, but I have followed your blog and books for many years.
So so so happy and thankful to see these words today.
Bless you Joanne!
Posted by: Erin | October 27, 2015 at 06:04 AM
I'm crying so many emotions right now. I remember reading your blog and books during the different seasons before the stroke, and then reading the summary of that time as well as the time since is huge. You've always inspired me. You still do, only more so. My daughters and I are reading the book of James at breakfast, and we keep rereading James 1 over and over because there's so much there. We read the whole short book, and now we keep going on repeat. I would love a movie of your life with the opportunity for repeat from different perspectives: yours and your parents and friends. I remember reading your husband's perspective during the stroke, and it seems like your sister's as well. But it is amazing to read it from you. Thank you for sharing this. You are loved and are gaining an endurance that has beauty now and I cannot imagine the beauty for eternity.
Posted by: amy | October 27, 2015 at 06:54 AM
Wow. Thanks so much for sharing your speech here, Joanne! Like so many others, I started following you at the time of the stroke and have been praying for you and your family ever since. Reading your story today made me cry but also made me praise our amazing God who has brought you this far and been so faithful. I am stunned at the endurance I see in you. Also, I think your parents must be absolutely amazing people. Praying for you and your girls.
Posted by: Steph | October 27, 2015 at 07:13 AM
Joanne,
You are a "Phoenix" and how wonderful of you to share in the hopes that others can become one too.
God Bless You!
Posted by: Melanie | October 27, 2015 at 08:01 AM
You had an amazing life before the stroke but now I believe your life to be even more amazing. You are truly an inspiration.
thank you for sharing you life and indeed your speech.
Posted by: dawn | October 27, 2015 at 11:09 AM
So proud of how far you've come. You are indeed a miracle and an inspiration! You are always on my heart and in my prayers.
Posted by: NONSuperwoman | October 27, 2015 at 01:20 PM
Thank you for sharing! You are truly an inspiration.
Posted by: Sunshine McGinty | October 27, 2015 at 05:38 PM
I have been praying for you thru these years and will continue to do so.
I believe you are correct in saying your story will end well. God has a
plan for you girl. I also know without a doubt that when your girls are grown,
they will see clearly who their Mom is, and what she has overcome and will
be so so proud of you. When that time arrives you will have the majority
of their lives to make up for lost time. May God bless you abundantly,
Sue Lokkesmoe
Posted by: Sue Lokkesmoe | October 27, 2015 at 09:57 PM
Hi Honey
THANK YOU for sharing and being so honest! bless you :)
like all of us we don't know what the future holds but we know who holds the future! and as you have shared so far He guides you with His loving hand, what an amazing testimony :)
Blessings and Love in ABUNDANCE
xxxxxxxxxxx
Posted by: Ruthy :) | October 28, 2015 at 02:15 AM
Hi Joanne,
I just love this progress!!! Thank you for sharing this with us. Following along on the blog and facebook is super but seeing this journey written down all in one spot really brings the picture together for me. As I read, I remembered all the times I and others spent praying for you. My heart rejoices to see how Father's hand has brought you along so far!! 100% healing LORD!! Come on Jesus! :) <3 Continuing to pray for you.
Posted by: child of God | October 28, 2015 at 08:23 PM
Hi, My name is Sherri. I live in Phoenix and my friend from ODF sent me your blog. Thank you for sharing. My husband had a major cerebellar stroke July 1st while we were on vacation. Since then, as you well know our life was turned upside down and changed forever. I am his full time caregiver and would do anything I could to help him. Selfishly, I want as much of him back that I can get. He is a wonderful man. He is 55 years old and we have been very happily married for 3o years. I don't really know why I'm writing. I guess the connection of someone knowing what we are facing each day is a comfort to me. Thank you for sharing your life so openly. You are an encouragement. You mentioned visiting ODF. If you havent yet maybe we could meet you when you do. Thanks,
Sherri
Posted by: Sherri Tanner | October 28, 2015 at 09:47 PM
The Lord continue His divine healing. Thank you for keeping on and sharing your victories.
Posted by: Deidra | October 31, 2015 at 04:28 PM
Hi Joanne,
I went to college with you, served in yearbook with you and have been following your blog for sometime now.
I live in Denver now and would love to get together and pray with you and encourage you if you're interested.
Thank you for your faithfulness in walking with HIM.
Posted by: Holly Grimm | November 02, 2015 at 06:26 AM
Testing
Posted by: Emily | November 20, 2015 at 05:58 PM
Wow thanks for sharing your courageous and inspiring story! Keep up the good work. I know a few of my Whitworth girlfriends have followed your story too, and lots of prayers have been prayed on your behalf. Sending a hug from Oregon!
Posted by: Julane (Lussier) Dover | October 26, 2016 at 02:57 PM