Joanne Heim

t-w-e-a-k-i-n-g

Do you love the movie You've Got Mail? I do. And usually watch it every fall. To me, it's a fall movie--all because of the bouquets of freshly sharpened pencils. Something I've actually received from a friend who loves the movie as much as I do. Or maybe more. (Hi, sweet Janna!)

(On my, I have just realized that I haven't watched it for the past two years. Hmm...think I may need to put it on today and spend some time in the basement being crafty. Hooray! A plan for this wide-open Saturday!)

Anyhoo...

We've just finished our first quarter of school, and the past 10 weeks have been really good. We've found a groove, hit our stride, established a routine that's working. 

It's been a good season of life in general too. A season of nesting as we've settled back into our favorite-est little yellow house. Finding a church we love. Getting back in the comfort of having family nearby.

I've been reminded (and how could I not, for it's everywhere I turn, which is a whole other post) of Psalm 16:5-6:

You have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places...

Pleasant, and getting pleasant-er by the day, it seems.

Our focus has been on our little family of four as we have settled in with school, with Toben's working in Colorado Springs, with my being back in seminary.

So... t-w-e-a-k-i-n-g.

Not big adjustments, but slight shifts in focus as I ponder those boundaries--especially as they relate to friendships. 

Friendships within the geographic boundaries of Denver. Being intentional in those friendships. Starting Bible study (Kelly Minter's Ruth) on Monday with dear women whom I love. (And, yep, Psalm 16 showed up in the first week's homework!)

Considering what those boundaries mean for the girls, how we can be intentional with their friendships too.

Tweaking. Not the huge rearrangement of everything that sometimes happens in life, but the little fiddling here and there in which there is still joy and delight. 

Finding a groove

We've been back in Colorado for more than a month now and I just cannot seem to get into any sort of a routine. True, there's been unpacking, camping, and that sort of thing--all non-routine-y kinds of things. But I feel like I'm waiting for something, and I'm just not sure what.

We are talking about routine, schedules, the things to be done each day, what needs to be included in our homeschooling days. I love that Toben's a part of that. His perspective is different than mine, and because he's more outside the circle of our school day especially, he can see things more objectively.

As we try to balance schedule and flexibility, we keep coming back to the fact that our family works better when we have a schedule and know what to expect. There are always days where it flies out the window, but having a typical kind of structure works best most days. Especially for the girls. 

So we're working it out in our heads, but it's not translated into action yet. Because it's just not quite time to start.

I feel like I wander in circles a lot. I think maybe I just need to sit down and knit. :)

I am reading lots (rereading all the Harry Potter books at the moment and have a HUGE stack of others waiting to be read by my bed), still dealing with the random stuff left in the basement to be dealt with, and am enjoying the freedom and flexibility of summer. 

Maybe that's it. Maybe it's just summer and with this being a summer of transition, there's not really a groove to hit. And maybe that's okay. So maybe I'm waiting for fall.

Which is not a bad thing to wait for since I love fall. And having not experienced it in the desert last year, I'm extra excited for it. School, seminary, sweaters, pumpkins, soup, Bible study, Christy coming to visit.

(Groove is a funny word. One of those that when you stop to look at it and listen to it makes you wonder if it's right.)

A note to Arizona

I woke up way too early (especially since I didn't go to bed until after 11 last night--I know, I can hardly believe it either!) from a dream in which a friend was leaving on a trip, laughing and happy, and I was left behind. Totally sulky, resentful, and feeling left out and tossed aside.

In my dream, this friend called me and left me a message, calling me out for my horrible attitude and general pouty-ness. So then I felt sulky and guilty and chastened. And then I woke up before I could rationalize it all and make excuses.

Not good.

But it got me to thinking.

I've been really, really happy and enthusiastic and excited about being back in Denver. And that's totally genuine. But I haven't been as forthcoming about how I feel about being away from Arizona.

But here's the truth I need to let you need know in case you don't: I miss you.

Not the heat in July (though I'll change my tune come winter, I know). But the flat for running each day. The clubhouse in my neighborhood. That, I miss.

But most of all I miss the people in Arizona. You are home to friends so dear to me, friends who need a word to describe them that means more than "friend." And the truth is that my heart just aches when I think of them. There's a yearning there that I can't quite describe, deeply felt. Every single day.

So, Arizona, know that in the midst of loving Colorado and life here, I love you and miss life there too.

 

Monday, Monday, Monday

Wow! does moving turn everything upside down and inside out. It's fun, but even though the house is pretty much put together (well, the visible parts of it anyway), it takes awhile for the living, breathing parts of it to settle in. 

That would be me. 

I wake up every day with sort of a loose plan in my head of how the day will go, and I have yet to have it go according to that plan.

Oh well. Flexibility is something I've learned a bit of during the past year. I'm still not super bendy, but I'm definitely more flexible and less like to break than I was a year ago. 

All that to say that the basement is still kind of scary. Even though the pens and pencils and highlighters and scissors and 20 bottles of school glue are all now neatly separated into their own bins. My craft table is no where near craft ready. But I'm just not going to worry about it. It'll get there when it gets there.

(See? Such progress!)

Instead, I've sat out on the grass on a giant blanket and visited with friends in the shade while eating popsicles, sat on the deck with Toben in the morning to have just one more cup of coffee, sat on the couch and caught up with other friends, watched my girls and their friends run all around the backyard and out the gate with buckets and cups in hand to catch little fish in the creek behind the house, sat in my chair and just looked and looked and looked around my house, gone to a friends' house for brunch to meet her newest daughter and catch up with other friends there.

   

And all that sitting and catching up is way more important than whatever's waiting in the basement.

It's good.

And it is Monday and I have been hanging on to Ephesians 1:8 these past couple of weeks: "How well he understands me and knows what is best for me at all times." The other one that's been sticking in my head is this one, which is going to be my Memory Monday verse this week:

 

Don't know about you, but I tend to think of myself as the "blessed controller of all things" all too often. But that's NOT my job. It's God's job. Why? It ties into Ephesians 1:8, I think. Most of the time I don't understand myself or know what's best. So any controlling I do isn't going to result in what is best. 

When it comes right down to it, good isn't good enough. I want God's BEST. And so I'm going to have to continually lay down my own desire to control this, that, and everything else and let him do it.

He's the blessed controller. Not the mean controller. Not the confining controller. Not the nit-picky controller. The blessed controller.

Of all things. Not just big things. Not just small things. Of all things. 

And so to come back again to the lesson he's been teaching me again and again these past months: I can trust him no matter what. 

 

If you're learning something this week, feel free to leave a comment or a link below. And if you want to learn more about Memory Monday, click on the link in the sidebar.

***

The loose plan for today? Go for a run. Eat breakfast on the deck. Call the trash company. Call Mom. Help Audrey do her laundry. I hesitate to put the basement on the list because I have everyday and it hasn't happened. So we'll just wait and see. It'll be what it is and no matter what, God is the blessed controller of it! 

Hello there

"A very happy Thursday to you," as Winnie the Pooh would say. Or was it Piglet? It's been a while since I read The House at Pooh Corner, but I know it's in there somewhere and it was one of them. I know for sure it wasn't Eeyore.

So we've been here a week. And except for a stack of pictures upstairs on the dresser in the library and a pile of sweats on the floor in my room that don't fit and two bins of miscellaneous stuff in Audrey's room and my toolbox on the kitchen counter, everything is put away.

Not counting the garage (which has a pile of stuff still to be sorted like bulletin boards and cleaning stuff) and the basement (which is filled with craft and school stuff and is getting organized very s l o w l y.)

I had thought to have the girls work on the basement some this morning sorting markers and crayons and pencils and such, but they're off with Toben to pick up Ava (my five-year-old niece) to come back and play awhile this morning. That's much more important. We're going to have a tea party for lunch (ham and cucumber tea sandwiches and cookies and m&ms on china) and I think we just may paint our toenails.

This week has flown by. And yet at the same time, it feels like we've been here forever. I was standing at the sink washing dishes yesterday and had that surreal feeling that last year was just a dream and didn't really happen.

But then I think of all the desert lessons learned and I know it did. I'm not the same girl I was a year ago. Not sure how to put it to words quite yet; it's something I'm working out in the pages of my journal.

Been reading a great book too and have more to share about that soon, but wanted to pop by and say hello. The internet man rang the doorbell at 7:15 this morning--luckily I had on cute pjs!--and so I'm no longer using the pirated network that worked only upstairs in our room. So I'm sitting at my desk and feeling like it's time to get caught on my inbox.

I'm anxious to show you what's back to the way it was and what's new, but I have yet to discover the cord that connects my camera to my computer. Plenty more blogging coming now that I'm all set up and good to go.

Have a super day!

Joanne

P.S. It's fall-like here in Denver today. I have on jeans! and a sweater! A light cardigan, but a sweater nonetheless. Loving it.

HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!

We made it! Sorry to leave you hanging so long. But when I'm moving I tend to put my head down and not look up until we're all settled. I'm sitting in my big comfy chair in my room--it's the only place I get internet connection since I'm piggy backing on someone's network and if I try to go anywhere else in the house it drops.

Of course, we're not quite all settled, but I really needed a break from going up and down two big flights of stairs carrying heavy boxes of books. Been organizing the library this morning, putting all of our books into sections and then alphabetizing them by author. I know. But that's just how I do it.

And as I said on Twitter just a minute ago, we don't need any more books. Unless, of course someone wants to fill in all of my missing Nancy Drew and Trixie Beldens. It makes my heart so happy to see them all again.

I'm excited to finish getting everything up and out of the basement that's been stored there for the past year so I can get my mad workshop craft space all set up again. A year of not crafting was hard and I'm so excited to putter and touch fabric and look at zippers and buttons and such. That may not sound like fun to some of you, but others of you know exactly what I mean. :)

There's so much I want to tell you, so it's going to have to be a list if I'm going to get it all down.

1. Between the family who was living here and my sweet mama, my fridge, freezer, and pantry are stocked.

2. We've had dinner with family every night since we arrived in Denver. And lunch a couple of days too. :)

3. I love sleeping with the windows open!

4. Toben and my dad have flipped our deck, turning all the warped boards over and screwing them back down. They'll sand and seal it next weekend. Or maybe tomorrow. I'm pretty sure my love language is house projects.

5. I love spray paint. Already painted a lamp, a basket, and something for Emma's door. If you don't have one of those trigger handles and you spray paint ever, go get one.

6. My house feels huge. And we have so much stuff! And that's after purging a year ago. Hello Craigslist--just as soon as I'm done sorting it all.

7. For the first time in seven years, we have a guest room. And company lined up! Toben gave up his office for it. And we moved a desk into our room. (Our room is big and Toben is really, really neat, so it works.) So if you're ever in Denver and need a place to stay, give a holler.

8. Our first day here was super social. The doorbell kept ringing, which was fun. Thanks, Holly for the muffins and coffee, and Wendy for the latte. And Pam, for stopping by twice. You're welcome to swing by if you know where we are. We'll be here getting settled. But I'm still in my nightgown, so wait a while today! ;)

9. I love our yard! The grass is soft and green, the trees are huge and leafy, and the whole yard is so lovely and shady and cool. We had a picnic for lunch yesterday--can't wait to do it again.

10. Happy Fourth! We're headed to Mom and Dad's for a barbecue later this afternoon and then to the park for whatever's going on there and fireworks. My sister and her family are coming too.

Being home feels like unwinding, like exhaling, like I had been holding my breath and feeling confined. My heart aches when I think of the people I love in Arizona, yet being here feels right. And back to #7...you know who you are, so come visit!

More soon...time to tote some more boxes. I'll post pictures soon. My sis wants to do some home styling photography at some point in her career, so I think I'll let her practice a magazine-like spread on my house. ::wink, wink::

Halfway home

Made it halfway to Denver today. After sleeping last night on the couch with my beach towel as a blanket (sad and pathetic, huh?!), I was tired to start with and wasn't sure I was going to make it. But after a stop at Starbucks and a diet Coke at the next stop and your prayers for energy after I begged  for them on Twitter, I started to perk up some. Thank you.

Emma and I listened to The Magician's Nephew and most of Prince Caspian. I love the Chronicles of Narnia, love books on tape. And heard God speak all kinds of ways today through them. I'd tell you more, but my contacts are sticking to my eyeballs and I'm so, so tired.

I'll leave it with this from The Magician's Nephew. Digory and Polly go to get the apple for Aslan and realize they don't have food, wondering why Aslan didn't give them food for their journey to the garden. Fledge says, "I expect he likes to be asked."

It wasn't new to me. I read the whole series every year. But it struck me hard today. I need to ask for what I need, what I want. And to be specific about it. Yes, God knows our needs, but I'm with Fledge. I expect he likes to be asked anyway.

So I'm going to.

Yesterday, brought to you by Twitter

For those of you who follow me on Twitter (joanneheim), this may be old news. And you'll notice it starts with the most recent and goes down to the beginning of yesterday. Or up. Since yesterday sort of went steadily downhill. 

From dancing and packing to disillusionment with the packing fairy. My friend Andrea told me she doesn't really exist. 

Here's the thing, if there's not a packing fairy, there should be one. And as for the tooth fairy, she's on speed dial on my phone. And money does show up under pillows. So what's up with the packing fairy falling down on the job?!

As one of those updates said, we ran our last event for twoignite at church last night. Being on my feet for six hours means my back hurts today. Or maybe it's from lifting boxes. Not sure.

Whatever the case, since I did make packing progress yesterday (even though the house still looks like a disaster, it's really better than it appears) I'm going to take some time this afternoon to hang out with friends. Hopefully on a float in the pool. With something cold to drink. And maybe a popsicle.

***

As for Twitter, I must say, I love having a 140 character outlet to get off my chest whatever is bothering me. Or delighting me. Or whatever. 

Do you tweet? Do you love it? Hate it? Or are you like my dad and wonder, Who cares that you're doing laundry?

I know what's on my list for today

...and truth be told, it's not that exciting. In fact, my list is starting to sound like a broken record. Pack some boxes. Do some school. (Though that one's not really happening as much as it should. To the point where I think it may just need to come OFF the list for a while.)

***

So what's on your list for today? Anyone wanna trade?

Going camping

I grew up camping in a green army tent. Campfires, sleeping bags, hearts, rummy, hot mocha, sing-alongs, Boggle, hot dog soup, swing in the tree, and a hammock for reading. I loved it.

In England, we had a little camper to travel through Europe. Still sleeping bags, hearts, rummy, hot mocha, pancakes. And a flush toilet. (Never underestimate it's importance.)

Then we came back to the States and back to the green army tent. Didn't like it so much as a teenager. I was more concerned with not having a blow dryer than having fun. Sorry for the bad attitudes you had to put up with, Mom and Dad. 

We haven't camped much as a family, though we do own a tent and sleeping bags. But that's going to change. My parents camp a lot (if you can call their fifth-wheel with lazy boy recliners and a fireplace and granite countertops camping!) and we're going with. In July. To Rocky Mountain National Park. For a week.

I am so excited.

I want our girls to have camping memories. To love the smell of a pine forest in the early morning, sitting around a campfire at night, swinging in the hammock, and just being quiet to listen to the wind in the treetops.

And I love that we can go with my parents and have a comfy spot to get out of the rain and a flush toilet and hot water and a plug for the flat iron. (Because that's important too!)

I'll bring cards, Boggle, Farkle, and the mocha mix. And some watercolor pencils, sketch books, a knitting project, a book or ten, and some Girl Scout songs to sing.

Oh, I'm a happy little camper, 
Happy camper's what I am.
Oh, I go hiking in the mud and rain, 
Splashing in puddles all along the way!
And everyday is an adventure In how to live in the outdoors. 

Oh, Mother Nature really rocks!
Little happy camper's what I am, 
Little happy camper's what I am! 

2-3-4
Tell us all a little more!
5-6-7-8 
Camping's fun, camping's great! 

Oh, I'm a happy little camper,
Happy camper's what I am!
My sleeping bag's become a home for squirrels,
Oh, how it tickles when the swish their bushy tails!
I love to sing around the campfire,
Making firends and eating s'mores. 

Let's hear it for the great outdoors! 
Little happy campers what I am,
Little happy camper's what I am!

Memory Monday: Ephesians 1:8

 

Here's what I'm meditating on this week. I pretty much have it memorized--from the first day I read it about a month ago, this verse has stuck in my head. In fact, now that I think about it, I may have blogged about it before.

Anyway.

Ever feel like you don't understand yourself at all? Like you are on a rollercoaster of emotion--up and down and upside down and totally fed up with yourself? Yep, me too.

Here I am, just weeks after feeling so homesick it hurt, getting to go home to Denver, to family, to friends, to my little yellow house filled with treasures, excited and yet constantly on the brink of totally losing it. I'm feeling a little bit crazy. And truth be told, I don't understand myself at all.

I can sort of step outside of myself and look at how I'm feeling, how I'm behaving, and I just shake my head at the ridiculousness of me. I am totally wearing myself out.

(Remember how I said I wanted to handle this transition well, to be calm and peaceful? Not happening.)

So in the midst of completely baffling myself (and everyone around me, I suspect) and being totally paralyzed by the decision of what's best to pack first, I need this verse this week.

God understands me. And not just that, but he understands me well. And he knows what is best for me--in each and every moment. 

As I feel pushed and pulled and spun in every direction, I need him. Yet even knowing that, I feel like I'm rushing around, doing everything but being still with him, coming up with all sorts of other things to do first or instead.

I need him to pick me up, hold me tightly until I calm down and get still, lift my chin to look into his eyes, and hear him say, "Shhh, everything's going to be okay."

 

To learn more about Memory Monday, click on the button in the sidebar.

 

Reminders

My Bible is full of all kinds of things--notes from friends, from Toben, from the girls. Bookmarks and pictures made my own girls and the girls in my third grade Sunday school class. Bits of paper with notes and ideas for books. Folded sheets of paper with notes from conferences and Bible studies. And a Bic crystal pen or two.

Stuff often falls out.

And the other morning, what started to slide out from its spot was a packet of notes from the review I did for my Bible study group when we studied Beth Moore's The Patriarchs years ago. Lesson summaries, timelines, maps, family trees. 

For whatever reason, I read through the notes before putting them back in place like I usually do. (Especially since this particular packet of notes falls out a lot.) Here's just some of what stood out to me:

God's purpose in blessing one is to bless many

God urges his children to believe he is believable

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real--we must fear God more than we fear our fear; all people God uses battle fear

The trouble with "helping" God

God will keep his promises in spite of us

Seeing "hold ups" as the "how" of God's blessing

Impossible possibilities are available for those who believe

God has set eternity in our hearts; we were not made for goodbyes and endings

When God is up to something hard, he's up to something big

We must pursue becoming what we hope our descendants will be

The importance of blessing and the power of words

Ask God to increase our awareness of his presence in our everyday lives

Hang on till the blessing comes

How often the enemy tries to distract us by tempting us to fight with the very people we were meant to fight for

Godly actions affect family lines far more dramatically than ungodly actions.

And this one just jumped off the page at me as we return to Denver and face a big unknown as Toben looks for a job:

F.B. Meyer: "Thou hast brought me here; and Thou must now bear the whole weight of providing for me and mine: here I will stay till I clearly know what Thou wilt have me to do."

I want so much to handle this transition, this move, these changes well. I want my eyes fixed on God and his unfolding plan. I don't want to freak out, I don't want to scramble to come up with contingency plans for every possible scenario. I want to be calm, to be peaceful. I want to be wise, I want to depend on him, I want to put my hope in him, I want to obey.

Memory Monday, thank you, this week, and what's up with you?

WARNING: Long and random post that follows. I'm not even going to review it, even though I probably should. Feel free to skip to the end, leave a comment, and I'll never know you didn't read the whole thing. :)

(Yes, I do love the :) . Especially in text messages. That and the ;) . Because it never feels like a text conversation ends, so often it ends with a little happy or winky face. Sort of an "over and out" kind of a thing. Yes, it makes me feel like I'm 14, but somehow I can't stop. Don't want to stop. Was just telling--ahem, texting--a friend here the other day that it's a good thing I have unlimited text messaging on my phone. Because I love to text. And, yep, I bet I ended the comment with a happy face.)

I'm feeling like I need to review what I already know before moving on to new verses to memorize. Review what I've learned and let it sink in a little deeper. Review what I know and let it change my heart.

What the first one will be? Well, I have no idea. It's not quite six on a Monday morning and I'm already feeling a little scattered. Maybe I'll come back and leave a comment later.

 

(And you can leave a comment too. I'm sorry I left you hanging last week on a Memory Monday post.)

This need to review is from God, I think. Because now that my summer involves an unexpected (by me, not God) and unplanned (by me, not God) move, and because I'm feeling all topsy turvy upside down and inside out (though I had an awful, ugly, not at all pretty cry yesterday that ended up helpng me feel better and then looked at the calendar and thought, Well, no wonder, hello, PMS), I find that even simple truths I've known for years are suddenly feeling new and fresh. So I'm just going to go with it.

Not sure that made any sense whatsoever to anyone but me. Oh well.

And thank you for your comments on the moving post. And your prayers. I made Toben--well, I asked him to go read all of them yesterday. Because so many of your words were exactly what I needed to hear, echoed other things I've heard God say through all kinds of voices, and were clearly straight from him to me. So thank you. I'm working my way through responding.

In other news, we sold Toben's car! To a girl new to Phoenix who grew up in our neighborhood in Denver--right around the corner from our house, no less. Weird, huh? 

We've talked (okay, to be honest, I've talked) about being a one-car family from time to time. It's never been something that's made it past a conversation until now. And it's definitely something we're doing out of necessity. But I'm kind of excited about it.

Yes, I suspect it may be inconvenient at times. But so is not having a television. And we've loved that. (Toben said the other day that he definitely wants to continue our tv-free life in Denver.) After all, who says you have to have a television (or five) and a car for every person in the house with a driver's license? Or a cell phone, for that matter.

I'm off for a run. I don't run on the weekends much. Though I slept hard last night and my hair is looking very strange. Have to do something about that before heading out. No, I won't plug in the flat iron and get out the hairspray, but I will grab a spray bottle and at least make it look like merely a bad case of bed head rather than like I stuck my finger in a socket.

The girls and I are going to jump back into school this morning. We have some things to wrap up and then all we'll have going is math and spelling. Trying to figure out how to motivate them to finish and finish strong. 

Wow. Random and long. Thanks for sticking with me. So here's what I want to know--and you don't have to answer all three, just curious.

What's one thing you want to do this summer?

OR

What's your favorite summer memory?

OR

What's your best moving/packing/unpacking tip?

AND

And if you're a one-car family, tell me about it.

Moving from A to B, or Denver as the case may be

It's been a big week around here. And I'll spare you the long story and just give you the "net net" as my friend Michael says: 

We are moving back to Colorado on June 30.

But since I am a girl, I can't leave it at the "net net." It's going to have to be a long story after all. Here's the rest. And this may be a doozy of a post, but here goes.

Emotionally I am all over the place: Up and down and turned inside out. Happy and sad. Excited and terrified. Relieved and worried. At peace and tied up in knots. Sure and full of doubt.

I've been lots of fun to live with these past few days. Poor Toben.

As I've journaled and prayed--a lot--this week, the question I keep asking is "Why?" It feels like God changed his mind. Like he was so clear about us staying in Arizona another year, and then is suddenly leading a different direction. And I just don't understand.

Or maybe it's not so sudden. There are so many circumstances, so many details that suddenly make a lot of sense when viewed as a whole. 

Things like looking and looking for a new rental house here only to have every single house we liked rented by someone else that same morning. Things like details with our house in Denver. Things like my sister and her family having moved back to Denver, moved to a house just 10 minutes or so from ours. Things like teaching and learning so much about trust that God as teacher has decided need a practical kind of an exam. 

Things that God has orchestrated into place and then suddenly connected with a big "ta-da!"

But still. I think part of what's going on is that I'm doubting hearing his voice. Was what I heard back in January about staying here next year not him? Is this not him? Was it all him and he's just changed plans? I'm feeling so confused.

The thing is though, that Toben is not confused. At all. He's certain and sure and confident and excited. And hearing from God left and right. 

(Which is a post brewing for the Our Crazy Marriage blog. Because God's definitely using all of this to affect some change in our marriage.)

So, all that to say, we'll be back in Denver. 

Some nitty gritty stuff: We're going to homeschool again next year--the girls have made it clear that's their first choice. (So Wendy and Kristina and Nikki: We're on for homeschool stuff together, right?) Though I may trade babysitting for math instruction with my sister. I'm registered to take a class at Denver Seminary--New Testament Greek on Monday nights. We're going to continue life as a TV-free family. And we're becoming a one-car family for the near future.

The one big thing that seems to be missing? A job for Toben. Thus my fear and freaking out. Prayers much appreciated. Make that much, much, MUCH appreciated.

***

When I typed "moving to Colorado" into Google to see if I could find a cute picture or image to post, you want to know what popped up on the first page of results? This:

 

My very own family room. Weird, huh? 

***

So most everything up till this point in the post was actually written yesterday morning--Friday--but I didn't post it because Audrey wasn't home yet. She's been at camp at Forest Home in California all week and didn't have a clue that this was happening.

(Neither did we. Have to say that while it may not seem sudden to God, it was sudden for us. We got up on Sunday, dropped Audrey and her stuff at the bus for camp, worked all morning at church, some stuff happened, we had some discussion, and then at 3 o'clock we were moving back to Denver.)

We went back and forth about going to get her to tell her, how to tell her, so on and so forth. But we wanted her to have a great week. And she did. Until she got home and found out.

She got home last night completely exhausted and hungry. And telling her we are moving did not go well. She's asking all the same things I've been asking myself: Why? Didn't God say we were staying in Arizona? Not to mention feeling like she's just spent a week making amazing friends, looking forward to junior high with them, and feeling like she belongs here.

It's so hard. Her heart is hurting, breaking. If you'd pray for her, I would appreciate it more than I could say.

***

The thing is, I am excited. Not that you'd be able to tell by how I've been feeling or acting. Denver IS home. It's just that Arizona is home too. I have to remind myself that there are people who live in a place for years and never feel at home the way we do--and we feel that way in two places, no less.  

As I told Audrey, we can feel sad, scared, and whatever else we're feeling. 

And we have to choose to remember the things we're excited about too. Gran and Papa. Aunt Kristen, Uncle Wade, Ava, Tyson, and Levi. Getting her own room again. Having a guest room for friends from Arizona to use. Putting the swings back in the trees in the backyard. My refrigerator (some appliances do merit strong feelings of love). Friends there. Green grass. Camping trips with Gran and Papa. Crafty space in the basement. Trips to the mountains. Seminary.

So, the next three weeks are going to be filled with finishing up our school year, packing, wrapping up stuff at work, spending time with friends here. Something tells me it's going to go by quickly.

***

That's what's going on in a nutshell. A really, really big nutshell.